- 9 Clear Signs Someone Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend Anymore
- They Stop Replying
- You Make The First Move
- They Cancel Plans Often
- They Are Short With You
- You Put In All The Effort
- They Are Always Busy
- They Don’t Offer Support
- Their Excuses Are Weak
- They Talk Behind Your Back
- How Do You Tell If A Friend Is Distancing Themselves From You?
- One Big Caveat
- My Favorite Friendship Books
- 16 Signs Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Your Friend
- 1. They have no respect for your boundaries
- 2. If it’s not mutual, it’s not friendship
- 3. They only reach out when they want or need something
- 4. They show a lack of genuine interest
- 5. You stop hearing from the person altogether
- 6. They exclude you from activities or events they put together
- 8. They try to dodge you every time they see you
- 10. They do not respond to your contact attempts
- 11. They are trying to ghost you
- 12. They are not interested in anything that you say or anything about you
- 13. They never make an effort to answer back
- 14. They will cancel their attendance at a group party knowing that you will be there
- 15. They don’t congratulate you on your wins
- 11 Signs Someone Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend
- 1. They don’t show any interest in your life
- 2. Their nonverbal communication is unfriendly
- 3. They don’t want to make plans
- 4. They often cancel plans
- 5. They don’t support or encourage you
- 6. They don’t open up to you
- 7. They aren’t excited about your common interests
- 8. They don’t interact with you on social media
- 9. They only send you short messages
- 10. They don’t keep you updated on their life
- 11. They only contact you when they need help
- 1. Do not try to force a friendship
- 2. Try changing the way you look at rejection
- 3. Stay off their social media
- 4. Focus on meeting new people
- 5. Try to resolve misunderstandings
- How do you tell if someone is distancing themselves from you?
- How do you know when to stop reaching out to a friend?
- How can you be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you?
9 Clear Signs Someone Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend Anymore
As you move on in life, friendships fade away and people change.
Inevitably, you won’t stay close to all of your friends, and at some point, you need to realize when someone just isn’t a friend anymore.
Friendships are so important, and sometimes nobody can lift you up a friend can.
Keep your real friends close, and look for these not-so-subtle signs that someone doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, keeping your inner circle full of those who want to be there!
They Stop Replying
Friendship does take some effort, and sometimes the smallest efforts are the first to go in a friendship.
If you have sent your friend multiple texts and they simply stop replying, it could be a sign that they just do not want to put in any more effort.
If there is little to no emotion in their messages, or no messages at all, it might be time to rethink your friendship and consider if you are the only one putting in the effort.
You Make The First Move
In a friendship, both parties should reach out to each other, whether it be checking how the other friend is, or attempting to make plans.
When you notice that you are the only one reaching out and making the first move to chat or to make plans, it might be a good sign that they are not interested in the friendship any longer.
Before jumping to conclusions, check to see if they are okay and if there is anything stopping them from contacting you or reaching out.
They Cancel Plans Often
You should want to see your friends, hang out together and talk about everything going on in your life.
Sometimes, life gets in the way and plans have to be canceled, but if you notice that your friend is constantly canceling on you, then you should pay attention.
They might ask to reschedule, and never actually get back to you with a date, or leave you hanging when you were supposed to meet for coffee, whatever it is, it’s not fair to you to put in the effort and have them cancel on you.
You deserve a friend who wants to spend time with you as much as you want to spend time with them! Look out for recycled excuses and last-minute cancels if you feel your friend might be losing interest.
They Are Short With You
Conversations between friends never truly end. You are updating each other with the latest news in your life, and showing off your latest gadgets and achievements.
One way to tell if your friend is losing interest in the relationship is if they start cutting conversations off with you.
They might be replying with short messages or one-worded answers on text or becoming distracted and looking disinterested when you are talking face to face.
You will start to notice this if you pay attention, and soon realize you are the one working to keep the conversation alive when there shouldn’t be much work involved at all.
You Put In All The Effort
Friendships do take work, and this work and effort need to be put in by both parties. You might notice that you are the one putting in all the effort and bringing all the energy to the relationship, and that is just not fair.
You cannot spend your time and energy on a friendship where the other person is not doing anything and is really just draining you of all you have.
Friendships should be uplifting and mutual, not draining and one-sided.
They Are Always Busy
A good friend is always available when you need them, and chances are that you are already that friend, ready to help out, meet up or chat when your friend needs it.
A sign that someone doesn’t want to be your friend anymore is when they aren’t that type of friend, and they claim to always be busy and never have time for you.
This shows they are more important to you than you are to them, and that it is a very one-sided relationship.
They Don’t Offer Support
We all need support, no matter what we are doing. It could be sports, academics, or even your own business.
Friends support friends, and your friends should be supportive of what you do. They should help out where you can, or they should root for you on the sideline. A friend that shows no support for your life and what you do is not a real friend.
Keep people on your side that you know want the best for you, there is no time in life for people who are not interested in whether or not you are successful or happy.
Their Excuses Are Weak
We all get busy, and sometimes trying to fit everything into our schedule is exhausting, and impossible. Your friends will cancel plans on you, and that is fine.
However, there should be some red flags raised if their excuses are weak or don’t add up.
They might have to miss your party because they are spending time with family, but instead, you see photos of them at another event on social media.
If they cannot be honest with you and tell you why they won’t make a meetup, or even just give you a decent excuse, they can’t really be considered friends.
They Talk Behind Your Back
So many friendships break up over jealousy, and one way to spot jealousy in a friendship is if they start talking about you behind your back, and spreading rumors and stories that you would rather keep to yourself.
A good friend would never talk to you behind your back and should be a trusted place for you to be open about your feelings and what is going on in your life.
If you feel you can no longer trust a friend, it might very well be a sign that they simply do not want to be friends anymore, and it might be time to let go.
How Do You Tell If A Friend Is Distancing Themselves From You?
Are your friends avoiding you? (I can’t be the only one who found this picture HILARIOUS btw!)
It’s important to know that friendships ( everything in life) ebbs-and-flows. Unfortunately life gets in the way more often than not and it can be hard to always stay in contact with our loved ones.
However, (and this is a BIG however) people make time for what’s important to them.
Even when we are extremely very busy, it isn’t impossible to take some time our days to let someone know ‘Hey! Work has been crazy so I haven’t been able to respond/hang out with you recently.”
It’s important to look at all our relationships with clear glasses (not rose-colored) and be honest with ourselves.
Do we feel valued and appreciated or an afterthought? If it’s the latter, it may be time to simply move on and stop reading through these lists seeing if we can tick them off or not.
Let your intuition be your guide.
Also, there is no weakness in simply asking someones if something is wrong. You can ask a friend why they’re being distant or if they are bothered by you.
Chances are, if you were searching for this article it’s because you can sense there has been a shift in your relationship.
Ways people distance themselves are by not inviting you to social events, they have been avoiding contact with you (in person or online/text), or they’re suddenly very busy and ‘don’t have time’ to socialize.
If someone you know is doing these things, it maybe time to take a breather and distance YOURSELF from them.
One Big Caveat
I gotta put this caveat in here because it’s important!
There’s was a story I heard years ago. I might be butchering it but the main points go this:
This one guy didn’t have very many friends and the friends he did have were slowly going away and not inviting him to things. He became very frustrated that he was losing all his friends and didn’t understand why.
He was down to his last friend when that friend eventually stopped calling and inviting him as well. Furious, he confronts this friend asking why he stopped talking and inviting him out.
His friend said “Because you never invite me anywhere.. I figured you didn’t hanging out with me”
If you’re the type ( I was for a large part of my life) who waits to be invited and doesn’t take initiatives, you’ll ly have a hard (if not impossible) time making and keeping friends.
So I want you to be honest with yourself here. Is your friend distancing themselves from you or have you not taken the initiative in this relationship?
If you are always inviting them out, texting first, etc. then yes, take that hint and move on to greener pastures.
But if you are waiting to be invited and don’t reach out first, it’s important to remember that friendship is a two-way street and you’ve got to put in what you want to get it.
My Favorite Friendship Books
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How To Make Friends In Your 20s (Even If You’re An Introvert!)
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16 Signs Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Your Friend
Here are the signs that someone does not want to be your friend, according to psychologists, life coaches, relationship experts, and more.
1. They have no respect for your boundaries
Healthy people are able to establish and maintain boundaries, or limits for their own and other’s conduct. A healthy person who wants to be a friend is not threatened or repulsed by this process. They will accommodate reasonable boundaries and also present or respond with their own.
This is the “give and take” that we’ve all heard so much about.
Alternatively, someone may ignore, recoil, go silent, distance themselves, object to, or refuse to accommodate these needs. That person is ly not interested in true friendship and, further, may not be capable of it.
Narcissists and psychopaths, for example, fall into this latter group; it is not possible for them to gratify, or make room for, others.
Related: Narcissist Versus Sociopath Versus Psychopath: What’s the Difference?
Similarly, healthy people are able to articulate, verbally and in behavior or decision-making, a reasonable and an active pursuit of that which makes them happy. This is done calmly but directly and firmly. When done well, it is not at all rude or impolite, as many people have wrongly been taught.
Those who are not willing or capable of being a good friend will have issues with this, just as described above. Reactions to healthy boundaries and assertiveness may be signs of trust or warning signs for future conflict.
Everyone has bad days or makes mistakes, so give everyone two strikes before moving on (barring any particularly egregious behavior). But if you have communicated your preferences and the person still rejects or refuses to respond, take steps to disinvest and move on to other relationships.
Your time represents an important boundary; not everyone can claim absolute access to it. So don’t waste time debating over boundaries you have the complete authority to establish.
Related: 20+ Signs Your Friend Doesn’t Respect You
Certified Life Coach | Founder, The Expat Partner Coach, LLC
2. If it’s not mutual, it’s not friendship
By definition, a friendship requires a bond mutual (platonic) affection. If you have some amount of affection for someone, you show this by treating them well and it is fair to expect similar treatment in return. Both of you should be putting time and effort into building and maintaining the relationship even if the effort is not equal.
Here are some signs that your relationship is not mutual and the other person probably doesn’t really want to be your friend:
3. They only reach out when they want or need something
The person is always busy when you reach out first. Perhaps you start to notice that he or she only includes you in outings when they need a ride. Maybe they only invite you to visit when they need you to help with a project there.
4. They show a lack of genuine interest
When you are together, your friend pays more attention to their phone than to you. He or she doesn’t show interest when you speak and doesn’t ask you about your life.
5. You stop hearing from the person altogether
Does your friend not respond to texts and calls or take an abnormally long time to do so? If so, the person probably doesn’t want to be your friend.
The friend always says she’s too busy to go out with you, but then you hear from someone else or see on social media that they were out at the same time with other people.
If this sort of thing happens on occasion, it’s probably just a misstep. If the behavior becomes consistent or you sense it’s intentional, you will have to decide if you want to address it with the friend.
Perhaps there is something going on in his or her life that is causing the behavior or perhaps there’s a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up. If not, you will have to decide if you want to set boundaries around the relationship or to step away from it to protect yourself.
A one-sided relationship can be draining and can also damage your self-esteem. Why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you?
It may hurt initially, but you will be better off in the long run if you surround yourself with people who reciprocate your friendship.
Relationship Expert, Dating Pilot
It is never pleasant to find out that someone doesn’t want to be your friend, especially if you have put the effort in trying to form a friendship. However, the sooner that you become aware the better, as your efforts no longer have to go into a friendship that is not meant to be.
Some of the signs that indicate a person is not interested in forming a friendship are:
6. They exclude you from activities or events they put together
This is even more apparent when the two of you share mutual friends that were invited and you didn’t receive an invitation.
They do not want to get to know you nor do they care for you to get to know them, and will pass on the opportunities to do so.
8. They try to dodge you every time they see you
If the two of you cross paths in public, they will try their best to be brief in any conversation being exchanged and make an excuse to leave.
10. They do not respond to your contact attempts
If you call them, they do not answer their phone. If you text them, they do not reply to your messages. If they do reply it is a very brief response and they do not want to carry on the conversation.
They don’t contact you in any way. You typically do the calling, texting, etc.
Psychic Advisor, Mystic Sense
There are many signs to watch for when it comes to any relationship. Sometimes things degrade slowly and subtly, while other times the signs are more obvious. It might be tempting to ‘turn a blind eye’ towards the red flags, but this is not advisable.
11. They are trying to ghost you
Friendship is a two-way street, so if you feel you are putting in more than your share of effort to make a connection, you might not actually have a true friend.
Friends are naturally inquisitive and want to know what you’re up to. They often ask questions about your life, initiate conversations, and occasionally want to spend time together.
If you start more than two-thirds of the conversations you have with your friend, this could be a sign that they don’t value the relationship.
Notice how your friend responds to questions you ask them.
- Are the responses only one or two words?
- Does your friend give a vague answer, especially to a specific question?
These are all indications that your friend does not want to maintain the friendship.
Ghosting has become commonplace in recent years, leaving many people baffled when their friend simply vanishes into thin air, never to be heard from again. What causes ghosting, and can it be avoided? Heeding the signs above may give you some warning of a severing relationship.
Notice how long it takes your friend to respond to your messages. Do you feel you’re ‘blowing up their phone’, even if you space out each message by several hours? This is a clear sign that the person is trying to ghost you.
There are many ways in which friendships dissolve and each situation is unique unto itself. While there is no recipe for exactly how or why a friendship might end, these signs can be helpful guideposts that have the potential to avert drama.
We can categorize people around us as our friends, colleagues, or acquaintances, and sometimes it is easy to know if someone wants to be part of our circle. While on the other hand, it is somewhat hard to recognize when people don’t want to be our friend.
Related: What’s the Difference Between a Friend and an Acquaintance?
As a relationship expert, let me share with you the signs to watch out for:
12. They are not interested in anything that you say or anything about you
On your first meeting, these are the people who are not interested in anything that you say or anything about you. Sometimes they just smile and nod and in a blink of an eye, it seems that they haven’t seen you at all.
13. They never make an effort to answer back
Sometimes you keep on reaching out to them but they never answered back, or even made an effort to reply to you. Let this be a sign that they don’t want anything to do with you, so better accept the fact and let them go.
And also, these are people who sometimes treat you initially as a friend but when they feel you aren’t connected they will find a way to stay away from your path.
14. They will cancel their attendance at a group party knowing that you will be there
Some situations they will cancel their attendance at a group party knowing that you will be there, or as simple as deleting you on or group chat so they will not hear from you ever again.
Director, Festoon House
Here are a few signs that will tell you whether you should pursue your friendship with someone or not:
15. They don’t congratulate you on your wins
If your ‘friend’ constantly makes negative remarks about your achievements and accomplishments, they see you as competition. Friends are happy for you and they would say something nice when you’re promoted or finally saved up for your European trip.
On the other hand, people who don’t want to be your friend may shut you down or give a snide comment.
A person is not your friend if he’s always insulting you or making negative comments about you especially in front of other people. If they say things “Hey, your breakouts are really popping today.” or “Why on earth are you wearing that?” they’re trying to embarrass you to make themselves feel more superior.
While friends do give honest comments about your appearance and they can be sarcastic sometimes, they should also be able to lift you up and celebrate you.
11 Signs Someone Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend
Are you unsure whether or not someone wants to be your friend? Or perhaps you feel that your existing friends don’t you anymore and you aren’t sure what to do about it?
Most people will never say, “I don’t want to be your friend,” so you need to pick up non-verbal clues that suggest they’d prefer to keep their distance. In this guide, you’ll learn how to spot the signs that someone doesn’t want to be your friend.
1. They don’t show any interest in your life
When someone wants to be your friend, they will want to learn more about you. As a general rule, if a person asks you few or no questions about your life, opinions, or feelings, they probably aren’t interested in building or maintaining a friendship.
2. Their nonverbal communication is unfriendly
Pay attention to the other person’s body language when you’re around them. If they are sending negative signals, it’s ly that they don’t see you as a friend.
- Look at their feet. If their feet are pointing away from you during a conversation, they may want to be elsewhere.
- Consider if they are making themselves too busy or unavailable to talk when you’re around.
- They keep their distance.
However, don’t be too quick to decide that someone doesn’t you. Look for ongoing patterns if you want to decode someone’s body language; don’t rely on occasional signs.
If you’d more help understanding body language, check out the best body language books.
3. They don’t want to make plans
A friend who never wants to hang out is probably withdrawing from you. If your friend rarely or never invites you to social events, but they often invite other people, or if they keep declining your invitations, they may not value your friendship.
They might make excuses that you know aren’t true, or you might discover later that they were lying. They may also give vague, noncommittal answers when you suggest hanging out, such as:
- “Sounds great. We should do that sometime.”
- “Yeah, for sure.”
- “That sounds good. I’ll get back to you.”
This applies to online friends too. For example, if they used to enjoy playing online games with you for hours at a time but no longer seem interested, it’s ly that they are pulling back from your friendship.
4. They often cancel plans
It’s normal for a friend to cancel plans occasionally. But if it’s becoming an ongoing issue in your friendship, it may be a sign that they are distancing themselves from you, especially if they don’t try to reschedule. In some cases, they might cancel plans to hang out with other people or call you to make last-minute plans when someone else has canceled on them.
5. They don’t support or encourage you
Giving and getting emotional support is an important part of a good friendship. A real friend will listen carefully when you tell them about your challenges and give you thoughtful advice if you ask for it.
A person who doesn’t want your friendship might be indifferent to your problems and successes, or they might only make a few polite, generic comments “Great, glad to hear it went OK” or “Sorry to hear that you’re having issues.”
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6. They don’t open up to you
If someone only talks to you about trivial things or doesn’t talk much, they probably do not want a meaningful friendship. They may be happy to make casual conversation if they see you as an acquaintance, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they want to be friends.
Some people are slow to trust others, but in general, someone who wants to be your friend will want to share things about themselves with you and get to know you better at the same time.
People who are indifferent to you don’t usually reciprocate when you support them. They may appear uncomfortable when you try to console them because they don’t want to open up about sensitive topics.
7. They aren’t excited about your common interests
If someone wants to be your friend, they will be pleased when they discover you have things in common. But if someone doesn’t want to know you any better, they won’t be eager to bond over your shared interests. Or if you and a friend used to spend a lot of time doing or talking about a hobby, but they now seem unbothered, you may be drifting apart.
8. They don’t interact with you on social media
Not everyone uses social media regularly, so this isn’t always a reliable clue. But if you’ve met someone recently and added or followed them, but they haven’t reciprocated, they might be reluctant to move from acquaintance to friend.
If one of your friends used to interact with your posts or feed but has recently stopped leaving comments or s, it could be a sign that they are no longer invested in your friendship.
9. They only send you short messages
Some people prefer to talk in person or on the phone rather than via text, so if someone only sends occasional or brief messages, it isn’t necessarily a sign that they don’t want to be friends with you.
If you’re already friends with someone and are worried that they are pulling away, watch out for big changes in how they communicate with you. If your friend has recently sent you fewer messages than usual or they are slower to respond, they may be distancing themselves from you.
10. They don’t keep you updated on their life
It’s natural to reach out to your friends when something significant happens in your life, such as a promotion or engagement. When someone doesn’t get in touch with big updates, they probably don’t see you as a friend, especially if they used to rush to share their news.
If you have to rely on social media or other people to tell you what’s going on in your best friend’s life, it might be a sign that you aren’t best friends anymore.
11. They only contact you when they need help
Some people don’t bother to stay in touch most of the time but will suddenly act friendly when they want or need something from you.
For example, they might only reach out when:
- They want to borrow money
- They are visiting your city and need somewhere to stay for the night
- They want to vent about their problems, and no one else will listen
- They want you to introduce them to someone who could be useful to them, e.g., a business contact or someone they want to date
If someone behaves this, they don’t really want to be your friend. They are using you when it suits them. You may find it helpful to read our guide on how to stop being treated a doormat if people often take advantage of you.
1. Do not try to force a friendship
By definition, friendship is voluntary and goes two ways. You cannot force someone to want your friendship.
If someone doesn’t want to be friends, you don’t need to say anything in particular to them. Be polite to them if you have to spend time together at work or in a social situation, but don’t invite them to socialize with you if they have already made it clear they aren’t interested.
If you are trying to rekindle an old friendship but the other person doesn’t want to reconnect, respect their choice. They might prefer not to be reminded of their past, or they may not want to expand their social circle at the moment.
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2. Try changing the way you look at rejection
Social rejection does not mean that you aren’t worthwhile as a person, and it doesn’t mean you won’t find other friends in the future. It isn’t pleasant, but rejection is a sign that you took a healthy risk instead of remaining in your comfort zone.
It can also help to realize that you might have rejected people in the past because although they were nice, you just didn’t “click.” If someone doesn’t you, it doesn’t mean you won’t find other people who will.
3. Stay off their social media
If you feel upset because someone doesn’t want to be your friend, it generally isn’t a good idea to look at their social media, especially if they make posts about their social life. Unfollow or mute their content. Use social media to interact with people who make you feel positive about yourself and your life.
4. Focus on meeting new people
Invest your time in meeting new people who want to spend time with you. Our guide on how to meet -minded people who understand you may be useful. You could also check out our article on how to build a social circle.
5. Try to resolve misunderstandings
If your friend has started to back away for an unknown reason, it may be worth having a frank discussion about what has changed. You might have accidentally offended your friend. If you clear up the misunderstanding, you might be able to save the friendship.
For example, you could say:
“I feel that over the past few weeks, we haven’t talked or hung out much, and our text chats have been very short. I get the feeling that something has changed in our friendship. Could we talk about it?”
Try using “I-statements” to explain how you feel. Do not make accusing statements such as “You don’t care anymore” or “You never want to see me” because they can come across as aggressive.
Ideally, you will be able to have a conversation about how and why your friendship has changed. If your friend can’t or won’t give you an answer, give them space and focus on your other friends.
We have some tips on what to do when your friend is mad at you and ignoring you that may be useful.
How do you tell if someone is distancing themselves from you?
If your friend has stopped messaging, calling, or making plans to meet up with you, they are probably trying to distance themselves. They may also stop opening up to you, and when the two of you do speak, it might be about trivial topics rather than personal issues.
How do you know when to stop reaching out to a friend?
If you have reached out twice and received a minimal response or no response at all, it may be best to give your friend some space. If you’d to continue the friendship, tell them you will be happy to hear from them in the future if they want to reconnect.
How can you be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you?
You cannot have a healthy friendship with someone who doesn’t want to be around you. Focus on meeting new people who would to be your friend instead of trying to force a friendship with someone who isn’t interested.
Show references +
- Navarro, J., & Karlins, M. (2015). What every BODY is saying: an ex-I agent’s guide to speed-reading people. Harper Collins.
- Welsch, R., von Castell, C., & Hecht, H. (2019). The anisotropy of personal space. PLOS ONE, 14(6), e0217587.
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