Things to Consider Before Remarrying

Before You Remarry: 7 Financial Considerations — Investment Insights

Things to Consider Before Remarrying

During a beach vacation while having dinner, Hoda Kotb's boyfriend of six years, a Wall Street financier named Joel Schiffman, proposed to her. Kotb, the 55-year-old Today show host, said yes, joining a growing number of people giving marriage another shot.

According to Pew Research, two-thirds of previously married individuals between the ages of 55 and 64 had remarried as of 2013, up from 55% in 1960. Meanwhile, half of those 65 and older remarried, up from just 34% in 1960.

Embarking on a new chapter of life with a new partner by your side is both exciting and romantic. Still, more pragmatic considerations, financial and estate planning, cannot be overlooked.

Kotb, for one, is worth approximately $30 million, while Schiffman has wealth and assets worth $19 million. Kotb also has two adopted children, the oldest of whom was also adopted with Schiffman, and he has a grown daughter of his own.

No matter your family situation or net worth, the following seven things must be checked off your list before you say, «I do.»

Compare financial goals and dreams

Before getting into the details of anyone's accounts or assets, it's important to simply open the dialogue.

Hopefully, honest conversations are already a cornerstone of the relationship, but make sure often-uncomfortable talks about each party's financial status don't get left these conversations. Talk about each person's ideal lifestyle.

These may include income needs, travel, multiple homes and locations, clothing and transportation expectations. It's important to know how they compare and what compromises, if any, are needed.

Create a spending policy

Next, bring the conversation to the present by discussing cash flow management. It's important to explicitly create a spending policy that will move you toward the goals and visions reached in the prior step.

During this process, it can be useful to look at historical spending for each person, to tally fixed expenses, and to discuss if you will establish joint accounts. It is often useful to bring in a Certified Financial Planner™ to guide these decisions and to help diffuse any tension.

They can also open the conversation to areas debt and liabilities that might otherwise be uncomfortable to bring up on your own.

Take a full inventory of assets

When remarrying at a later age in life, there's a greater chance that each person has accrued wealth and property. This should be mapped out as well.

Both parties need to create detailed inventories of their individual assets, from real estate and automobiles to jewelry and other valuables.

Banking, investment, retirement, pension and 529 accounts should all be documented before the eve of the ceremony, too. This is particularly important if you are considering a prenuptial agreement.

Map out joint purchases

Many couples about to tie the knot have already been combining income and assets. Don't leave those your documentation! Joint major purchases should be jotted down as well.

In addition to helping with a prenuptial agreement, both the separate property and joint asset lists can be used for estate planning as well. Be sure to list gifts as just that, i.e.

engagement rings, autos, any items that are a gift in nature will alleviate difficulties later.

Establish property trusts

In many remarriages, separate property trusts are utilized. Thus, each party should obtain his or her own separate legal counsel. Estate planning tools, trusts, will allow you to designate a beneficiary. Allocation of assets to children or each other can and should be reviewed over time.

Talk about tax issues

Next, it's time to talk about taxes. Once again, this is where your Certified Financial Planner™ is an indispensable resource. Oftentimes they can assist in raising issues that should be addressed with the couple's tax advisers.

Make a legacy plan

Finally, not unrelated to opening separate trusts, it's important to make sure that your own heirs — not just your new spouse's heirs — will receive what you intend after you pass away. Once again, the division or allocation can always change over time as your marriage and relationships evolve.

For example, if you are newly married you may have your children be the beneficiary of your separate property home. After a number of years and commitment you may choose for your spouse to remain in the home until their demise and then give to their estate or to your own children.

This is usually for long-term marriages where you don't want your spouse to be removed at the time of your passing. Indeed, that's why it's important to emphasize that this checklist isn't a one-time occurrence.

You need to discuss everything from assets to trusts before the wedding, but that open dialogue should continue well into the marriage.

Remarriage is the start of a new chapter, romantically and financially. Don't let anything fall through the cracks. Having the appropriate conversations early on will give you and your spouse the best peace of mind and chance of success.

This article was written by CFP®, Founder, Melissa Attanasio, CEO, CDFA® and MAFF® from Kiplinger and was legally licensed through the NewsCred publisher network. Please direct all licensing questions to


10 Considerations When Remarrying After a Divorce

Things to Consider Before Remarrying

Marriage, the sacred vows and promises “till death do us part”, are the wonderful doors opening to a new life together for innumerable couples every day. But sadly, there is a very high percentage, where divorce becomes inevitable.

During this emotional transitional period, many couples act with their hearts and not their minds, plunging into remarrying after a divorce.

Can you remarry after divorce? Remarriage after divorce is often a rebound phenomenon, where initial support and attention by someone, is mistaken for true love.

However, to answer the question, how long should you wait to get married, there is no hard and fast rule or a magical number about when to remarry after a divorce.

Nevertheless, a common consensus among most marriage experts is that the average time to remarry after divorce is around two to three years, which can substantially reduce the lihood of a divorce. 

This is the most delicate time when no hasty decisions should be made about remarrying after a divorce.

Financial, emotional and circumstantial factors must be clearly evaluated and then a decision whether to remarry after divorce should be considered.

Things to consider before remarrying after a divorce

Once you have entered into a relationship, proceed slowly and carefully. If the prospect of remarriage starts emerging, open your eyes wide and reevaluate your emotions and decision.Especially if children are involved from one or both partner’s first marriages.

Remarriage for the right reasons is never wrong. But second marriage after divorce is not a simple thing.

Challenges attached to marrying a divorced woman or man force you to consider the following factors attached to remarriage after divorce.

1. Give yourself time before committing

Slow down. Do not rush into a new relationship and getting married again after a divorce. 

These rebound relationships may provide transient numbing of the divorce pain. Rushing into marriage after divorce has its pitfalls. 

In the long run, remarrying after a divorce impulsively spells disaster. So, before getting remarried after divorce, do the following.

  • Give yourself time to heal.
  • Give your children time to recover from their loss and pain.
  • Then step into a new relationship by ending the previous one.

2. Are you blaming your ex-partner for the divorce?

Is it ok to remarry after divorce?

Remarrying after a divorce is a loft decision and can be a bad idea if the past looms large over your head.

Plans for remarriage are doomed for failure if you cannot let go of your past. If the anger is still there for your ex, you will never be able to get fully involved with a new partner.

So, get your ex-spouse your thoughts before starting a new life and getting married after a divorce. Remember getting married right after divorce, can increase the lihood of relationship meltdown and regret. 

3. Think about the kids – yours and theirs

When contemplating remarrying after a divorce, it can be a bad idea, it can be a grave mistake, as some people just put their needs first, forgetting what their children might be feeling or suffering because of parental separation. 

Remarriage for children means that the chances of a reconciliation between their parents are finished.

That loss, grief, and entering into a new stepfamily, is a big step into the unknown. Be sensitive and considerate of your children’s loss. Sometimes it’s the best idea to wait until your kids leave home and then to remarry.

4. Keeping old loyalties

When remarrying after a divorce, do not force your children to make choices.

Give them permission to feel and love their biological as well as step-parents. Doing the balancing act between the biological and step-parents is a common fear of marriage after divorce.

5. The equation between your new partner and the kids

Always remember, for your new spouse, your kids will always be yours and not ours.

It’s true that in many instances close bonds are formed between step-parents and stepchildren, but moments will come when disagreements may result over your kids’ decisions.

6. Are you marrying the new love interest?

When couples are living together, they become more and more involved in their lives and problems.

Time breeds familiarity between them and ultimately these couples decide to marry. This decision is reached because couples think it’s the obvious outcome of their relationship.

These marriages see failure in many of the cases. So, before remarrying with someone you are living with, ask yourself; are you really committed to each other or will it be just a marriage of convenience.

If you are dealing with such a situation, pre-marriage counseling can help you in exploring the important aspects and chances of remarriage after divorce. 

7. Understanding your emotional needs

Reevaluate your feelings.

Figure out which of your emotional needs were not fulfilled which led to divorce in the first place. Take a deep look, if your new relationship is not your first. Feel your emotions to ensure that the new relationship will take care of all your emotional needs.

8. Is there financial compatibility?

Economics plays a vital pivotal role in any relationship. It is in your best interest to evaluate your financial standing before entering into marriage.

It is essential to evaluate if you or your new partner are in any debt, what are your individual earnings, your individual assets and can one support the other in case one loses his / her job.

Find the time to seek the right answers to these important questions.

9. What will you tell your children?

Emotional distress experienced by children about dealing with step-parents can be alleviated through open communication. Be truthful with your kids about your decision.

Sit down with them and discuss the following issues:

  • Ensure them you will love them always.
  • They will now have 2 homes and 2 families.
  • If they feel resentment, grief and are not ready to accept the new family – it’s alright.
  • The adjustment may not be easy and it will come with time.

Also watch:

10. Are you ready to work as a team?

Remarriages demand commitments.

Both partners must work as a team to overcome these challenges. The question arises, are the step-parents ready to take their roles, know their limits and authority and contribute to parental leadership.


Добавить комментарий

;-) :| :x :twisted: :smile: :shock: :sad: :roll: :razz: :oops: :o :mrgreen: :lol: :idea: :grin: :evil: :cry: :cool: :arrow: :???: :?: :!: