Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating

  1. 8 Surprising Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating
  2. They Change Their Appearance
  3. They're Being Weird About Their Phone
  4. They Develop New Interests The Blue
  5. They Seemingly Disappear When They Leave The House
  6. They Don't Talk About You On Social Media
  7. They're Suddenly Super Nice
  8. They Accuse You Of Cheating
  9. They're Less Interested In Sex
  10. 16 Signs of Cheating — Unusual Signs of Infidelity
  11. They're reluctant to make any big joint purchases.
  12. They «forgot»to mention a night out.
  13. The phone goes everywhere with them—even the bathroom
  14. And, they're constantly texting.
  15. When you talk, they rock back and forth.
  16. Plus, they've started slouching.
  17. You're getting a lot of gifts
  18. They're more focused on their appearance.
  19. They've changed their underwear's appearance, too
  20. You wonder where they got that trick in bed
  21. They overshare.
  22. Or, they stop filling you in on the details all together.
  23. They're always on social media.
  24. They suddenly develop different taste in music or hobbies
  25. The ATM has been getting a lot of action.
  26. 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating
  27. 1. Improved appearance
  28. 2. Secretive phone or computer use
  29. 3. Periods where your significant other is unreachable
  30. 4. Significantly less, or more, or different sex in your relationship
  31. 5. Your partner is hostile toward you and your relationship
  32. 6. An altered schedule
  33. 7. Friends seem uncomfortable around you
  34. 8. Unexplained expenses
  35. 9. Emotional intimacy has faded
  36. 10. When you ask about cheating, your partner deflects and avoids
  37. Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair — Signs of Cheating
  38. 1. There’s someone new they can’t stop talking about.
  39. 2. There’s more emotional distance than there used to be.
  40. 3. They’re suddenly more affectionate.
  41. 4. They’re putting more effort into their appearance.
  42. 5. They’re gone more often than they used to be.
  43. 6. They accuse you of cheating.
  44. 7. They’re making big cash withdrawals.
  45. 8. They can’t seem to keep straight what they’ve already told you.
  46. 9. They seem overly invested in your comings and goings.
  47. 10. They get more possessive over their belongings.
  48. 11. They gaslight you when you ask if they’re cheating.
  49. 12. Your nose is sending you signals.
  50. 13. You start catching your partner in little white lies.
  51. 14. Sex just doesn’t feel intimate anymore.
  52. 15. They just don’t get as upset about things anymore.
  53. 16. They stop talking about your future together.
  54. 17. Your gut says something is up.

8 Surprising Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating

Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating

If they're acting fishy, it'll only be a matter of time before you take a deeper look at the signs your partner is cheating. Because even if you trust them, something small but strange — the fact they're always hiding their phone, or don't talk about you on social media — can make you feel uneasy.

And rightfully so. While there are plenty of reasonable explanations for these odd habits — maybe they're planning a surprise party, or have decided they don't Instagram — it's important to trust your intuition, and not ignore the signs of a cheater.

If something feels off, the best thing to do, according to Dr. Fran Walfish, a relationship psychotherapist, is to chat with your partner. «Talking is the glue that holds people together,» she tells Bustle. Not only will it spare you needless worry, if nothing's going on, it'll also begin a potentially relationship-saving conversation about boundaries, trust, etc.

While you don't need to have your eyes peeled 24/7 for signs of trouble, knowing what's worth worrying about can come in handy. Below, experts explain what to look for, and others share stories about changes they picked up on, right before they found out their partner was cheating.

They Change Their Appearance

If your partner suddenly cares about their appearance way more than they usually would, it could be a sign they're cheating, Dr. Caroline Madden, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in infidelity, tells Bustle.

And she doesn't just mean putting on a clean pair of jeans, or buying a new shirt for work. Maybe they've gotten a whole new wardrobe, are going to the gym five nights a week, or inexplicably spend hours prepping in front of the mirror.

If it's character, and the improvements don't seem to be for them or for you, consider it a red flag. Madden says it may mean they're sprucing themselves up for a new love interest, or that they're trying to attract attention.

They're Being Weird About Their Phone

Experts say there are countless phone-related signs of cheating. Your partner might set a long password, turn the screen away from you while texting, or receive more messages than usual.

For Samora, 36, she became suspicious when her boyfriend started getting texts late at night. «My intuition told me that it was another woman,» she tells Bustle. «So I just watched as he answered the texts and turned his phone facedown on the sofa — something that people do when they need an extra layer of privacy.»

She confronted him, and he denied it, joking he didn't have «time» to date anyone else. But when she still couldn't shake the feeling something was up, Samora started reading his iMessages while he was in the bathroom — something she wouldn't normally dream of doing.

Sure enough, she found his conversations with other women. «He was basically a single man, according to these texts,» she says. «Long story short, I broke up with him although he begged to work it out. I could never trust him again.»

They Develop New Interests The Blue

It's awesome to pick up fun hobbies and to encourage each other to try new things. But if your partner has ditched video games for the cello seemingly overnight, something might be up.

«Part of falling in love with someone is learning what they ,» Madden says, so a random hobby this one could be their way of impressing a new person. «It becomes fascinating and interesting because they find their new lover fascinating and interesting,» she says.

This is one of the giveaways Rachel*, 45, picked up on right before she discovered her husband was cheating. «His taste in music changed,» she tells Bustle. (He was also on his phone a lot more often, or had it lying screen-side down.)

«Looking back, I now think every time I had a 'feeling' he was cheating, he was, but I can’t confirm it,» she says. «I just chose to ignore it because I didn’t want to believe it.»

They Seemingly Disappear When They Leave The House

It's healthy to spend time apart and give each other space. But if your partner seems to fall off the face of the earth whenever they leave the house, or if you can never predict where they're going, take note.

As Dr. Catherine Jackson, a licensed psychologist, says, a change in routine is often what gives a cheater away. You might notice «things spending more time outside the home when they 'run errands,'» she tells Bustle, or that they're staying extra late at work. It's also a red flag if, when you call to find out what's taking so long, they don't pick up.

Nine times ten it's nothing, so don't assume this is a sure sign of cheating. Some people are just really bad at monitoring their phone, and won't even see that you called. But, if it all seems extra fishy, their absence might also mean they're sneaking around.

They Don't Talk About You On Social Media

Once you're an established couple, «your partner should be comfortable sharing your relationship openly and honestly,» Adele Alligood, a couples therapist, tells Bustle. That often means they'll happily tag you on social media, talk about you in their posts, comment on your photos, etc.

And that's exactly why Kiedra, 35, started to feel weird when her boyfriend stopped doing all of that, and began acting she didn't exist. «His reasoning was, 'I don't put my business out on social media,'» she tells Bustle. But since he had posted about her in the past, the explanation didn't make sense.

Then he started getting late-night calls and his ex began commenting on his photos, so Kiedra decided she needed more information. «[His ex] had contact info on Instagram so I called her and introduced myself.» While they spoke, her boyfriend happened to call as well, so she merged the three calls together. And that was that.

They're Suddenly Super Nice

Emotional distance — or a sense that your partner is closed off or «far away» — can be a sign of cheating. But, rather surprisingly, so can the opposite.

«Guilt and the need to cover up the affair may motivate your partner to be more 'affectionate' towards you to keep you off guard,» Dr. Ellen Kenner, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle.

Are they sending flowers? Saying «I love you» every five seconds? Being weirdly cuddly at night? Of course it could just be a sweet gesture, but when coupled with other weird changes, could also be a sign something's up.

They Accuse You Of Cheating

Another strange one: your partner might start pointing fingers at you and accusing you of cheating, if that's actually what they're doing.

«This is a favorite tactic of cheaters,» Madden says. «This is usually met with additional statements of how important fidelity is so that they look someone beyond reproach.» But the reality is it's often just a way of throwing you off and gaslighting you.

Something similar happened to Ally, 26, when she came across emails that proved her boyfriend had been cheating. She confronted him, but he denied it wholeheartedly.

«I let him gaslight me into believing what I saw wasn't the truth and we continued dating for a couple of months,» she tells Bustle. But eventually the guilt got to him, and he admitted she was right.

They're Less Interested In Sex

If your partner usually initiates sex but has recently stopped, this could be one of the sexual signs of cheating, Madden says. Suddenly losing interest may mean they've found sex or emotional intimacy outside the relationship.

Similarly, if they have that «far away stare» while you're kissing or having sex, Kenner says, it could mean they feel they're cheating on their other love interest — with you.

Alternatively, it could all be totally innocent. It's absolutely normal for there to be lulls in your sex life with your partner, especially if both of you are busy and tired. Taking a new medication or dealing with a lot of stress could also contribute to lack of desire to have sex, so do not immediately jump to conclusions.

There is no one-size-fits-all way to tell if a partner is cheating, but weird changes ly feel weird for a reason. If you can't shake your concerns, find time to talk ASAP, so that you can both sort it all out.

* Names have been changed.


Dr. Fran Walfish, relationship psychotherapist

Dr. Caroline Madden, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist

Dr. Catherine Jackson, licensed psychologist

Adele Alligood, couples therapist

Dr. Ellen Kenner, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist

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16 Signs of Cheating — Unusual Signs of Infidelity

Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating

The sneaking suspicion that you’ve been cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world. To experience a hunch that an affair is still going on may be even worse. It can feel the ground is shifting under you as you question everything you knew about your relationship—plus, wondering whether you’re making it all up in your head can erode your mental health.

But how can you tell when your partner is lying about cheating, or “casually” trying to cover their tracks (or so they think)? If your partner comes home late at night reeking of another person's signature scent, it seems pretty obvious that something is amiss. Often, though, the warning signs of infidelity are far more subtle.

Before you can cope with the difficult business of what to do next, whether it’s seeking relationship therapy or filing for divorce, you need to figure out whether your concern is even valid.

Ultimately, the best way to know for sure is confirmation from your spouse or significant other, the person they’re cheating with, or both.

That said, merely hoping for an eventual confession won’t soothe the frantic worries in your head before then.

Whether you have a fleeting concern about new behaviors or you’re seriously worried that your spouse could be sleeping with someone else, here are some of the more unusual signs of cheating to watch out for.

They're reluctant to make any big joint purchases.

“Commitments buying a house or car indicate that the other person is in the relationship for the long run,” says licensed family therapist David Klow and author of You Are Not Crazy: Letters From Your Therapist. And, while it’s possible that your partner’s hesitancy is just due to financial concerns, it can also be a tip-off that they’re cheating—especially if this wasn’t an issue in the past.

“A major commitment makes it more difficult to pull a relationship quickly,” adds licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?. If your partner gets weird about this, don’t be afraid ask what’s behind the hesitation. If they get flustered, and it's not about the money, it could suggest that something isn’t right.

They «forgot» to mention a night out.

People who are cheating “tend to engage in sins of omission,” Durvasula says. “They operate on a ‘need to know’ basis, which is not healthy for a relationship.

” Although neglecting to mention that time they grabbed drinks with co-workers could be completely innocuous—maybe happy hour just wasn't that memorable—if the behavior persists, it could reflect general dishonesty, Klow says.

The phone goes everywhere with them—even the bathroom

First, a caveat: Some people are seriously hooked on their phones and tote them along habit, or boredom—that doesn’t mean they’re cheating, Klow says. The issue arises if this is suddenly a new thing for your partner.

That’s definitely more concerning, according to Durvasula. “They know that messages from the other person can come at any time,” she says. So if someone who's always relied on the bathroom stash of magazines to get them through their potty time suddenly starts relying on their phone, it might be worth keeping an eye on.

And, they're constantly texting.

Again, a change in behavior is key here. “Our minds are wired to look for inconsistencies—it helps protect us from something unexpected happening,” Klow says.

“If your partner's actions start changing, then it might be a sign of infidelity.” It could also be that their friends are having a tough time, or they're wrapped up in work. But if it feels off to you, ask what’s going on, Klow says. The way they respond can be telling.

When you talk, they rock back and forth.

By now, you two should be pretty comfortable chatting. But when your cohort is hiding something, look for unusual (and often unconscious) habits, suggests body language expert Lillian Glass, Ph.D. “Rocking back and forth shows they are nervous around you,” she says.

Plus, they've started slouching.

If their perfect posture has suddenly given way, that could be a red flag. “Hunching over is retreating into the fetal position—something people do when they feel ashamed or they know they have done something wrong,” Glass says.

You're getting a lot of gifts

Cheaters do this to “cover the stench of guilt,” Durvasula says. Take note if your partner also seems to be peppier when they’re piling on the presents. “People are sometimes in a better mood than usual when they cheat,” Durvasula says. “Their cheery countenance, coupled with a need to please and throw a partner off the tracks, can result in a generous change of behavior.”

They're more focused on their appearance.

This could mean a hairstyle change, a recent fixation with the gym, or a splurge on new clothing. Sure, this could be part of a New Year’s resolution or a desire to please you, but it’s important to know that when people cheat, they’re more aware of their looks, Durvasula says.

They've changed their underwear's appearance, too

If you've noticed a switch from your husband's usual ratty boxers to briefs, or your wife is sporting sexy lingerie for the first time in years, it's indeed reason to wonder, says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking.

«We all have that bra that we don't want anyone to see, or briefs with holes in them,» she says. «When you change it up, that might mean something when combined with a few of these other signs.»

You wonder where they got that trick in bed

This could be another instance in which your partner might've done some sexy research on good foreplay and just wants to spice things up for you. In other instances, new sexual techniques can signal the fact that they picked it up from someone else. Other times, Trombetti says, «a change in frequency, meaning more or less sex, can clue you in.»

They overshare.

You asked how the office party was. They rattled off the entire guest list, all the hors d'oeuvres that were served (and when), and a minute-by-minute play of what went down. That’s TMI.

“Liars talk too much,” Durvasula says. “When you're telling the truth, you tend to be terse because it comes easily. Cheaters will often create long tales about strange stories and places they have been that day to act as an alibi.”

Or, they stop filling you in on the details all together.

Regularly hearing that their day was “fine” when you used to get into the minutia is enough to raise an eyebrow. With cheaters, “the most interesting aspects of their day may relate to their new flirtation,” Durvasula says.

“This can be more devastating than sexual infidelity as it implies the intimacy of day-to-day life is now being shared with someone new.

” Klow also calls it “a concern” since “having an open exchange of information helps people feel more secure in their relationships.”

They're always on social media.

This is most notable when they regularly people’s posts that you've never heard of. Don’t hesitate to ask who @SexyBae007 is, and how he knows her. “Talk with your partner about the other people you each interact with,” Klow says. “Knowing this can help build a stronger sense of security.”

They suddenly develop different taste in music or hobbies

«Maybe it's bungee jumping and they have a fear of heights, or suddenly they take up listening to classical music when it's always been heavy metal,» Trombetti says. Of course they could just be expanding their horizons, but in Trombetti's experience, it may be because they're trying to impress the new person by matching their s and diss.

«They also absorb every detail because they're crazy about the person they're cheating with and in that stage of infatuation,» Trombetti adds.

The ATM has been getting a lot of action.

Credit cards are easy to trace; cash isn’t, Durvasula says. If they used to obsessed with racking up rewards points and have now switched to paper, it's worth asking about.

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This doesn't pertain to people who are often jealous in general, and thus prone to suspicion when there's little cause for it. But in Trombetti's experience with clients, when you know, you (usually) know. «It's not necessarily a psychic connection, but rather nonverbal cues that you're picking up,» she says.

Of course, there could always be a simple explanation for a switch in your partner's demeanor that has little to do with cheating. But if these actions feel familiar, and you have no idea why, it's time to ask the tough questions. Hopefully, there’s a good reason why they’re acting, well, shady. Either way, you have a right to know.

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10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating

Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating

How do you know if your partner is cheating? Usually, if you’re asking this question, you already suspect that you’re the victim of infidelity, or at the very least that something is amiss in your relationship. The signs of cheating look different in every relationship, of course, but there are some common threads that you can look for. First and foremost, I will tell you this: If your gut tells you that your partner is cheating, it may be right.

That said, you may want to gather other evidence before you confront your significant other about their behavior. Common signs of infidelity that you might want to look for include:

1. Improved appearance

If your significant other suddenly starts exercising and eating healthier, that could be a sign that they are trying to appear more attractive to someone (possibly you, but possibly an affair partner). If Mr.

Sweatpants-Are-Just-Fine-at-a-Party starts wearing slacks with matching socks and a fashionable shirt, or Ms. I-Can’t-Help-It-If-I-Smell—Our-Son’s-Poopy-Diapers suddenly smells Chanel No. 5, that may indicate an affair.

Ditto for a new haircut and new underwear — especially if your significant other looks the same around you, but significantly better for work or certain social events.

2. Secretive phone or computer use

Cheaters tend to use their phones and computers more frequently than before and to guard them as if their lives depend on it. If your partner’s phone and laptop never required a password before, and now they do, that’s not a good sign.

If your partner suddenly starts deleting texts and clearing their browser history on a daily basis, that’s not a good sign. If your partner never relinquishes possession of their phone, even taking it into the bathroom when they shower, that’s not a good sign. If you ask to review your partner’s phone, and they say no, that’s also a problem.

Honestly, what could possibly be there — other than information about your surprise birthday — that they would want to keep secret?

3. Periods where your significant other is unreachable

If your partner is cheating on you, they are less ly to answer your calls and respond to your texts. You may hear legitimate-sounding excuses they were in a meeting, they were driving, they were in a “dead zone” and didn’t know you were trying to get in touch. If your partner is unreachable while working late or on a business trip, that’s a bad sign.

4. Significantly less, or more, or different sex in your relationship

Both decreased and increased levels of sexual activity in your relationship can be a sign of infidelity. Less sex occurs because your partner is focused on someone else; more sex occurs because they are trying to cover that up.

Another possible sign of cheating is that the sex you and your partner are having feels less emotionally connected. Yet another possible sign is that your partner is introducing new techniques and activities into your sex life.

As much as you might enjoy that, it’s possible that they are learning new tricks outside of your relationship.

5. Your partner is hostile toward you and your relationship

Cheaters tend to rationalize their behavior (in their own minds). One way they do this is to push the blame onto you. They tell themselves that you don’t look the way you did when they married you, or you’re not adventurous enough in the bedroom, or you don’t appreciate all the wonderful things they do for you, so they deserve to have a little fun elsewhere.

Often, their internal justifications for cheating leak out, and they behave judgmentally toward you and your relationship. If it suddenly seems nothing you do is right, or that things that used to not bother your partner suddenly do, or as if you’re getting pushed away, that could be a strong indication of cheating.

6. An altered schedule

When your significant other — who never once worked late — suddenly needs to work late, and that starts to happen more and more frequently, they may be lying.

If your spouse has never been away on a business trip and suddenly finds a need to travel for work, that could be a sign that they are having weekend getaways with an affair partner.

Flat tires, dead batteries, traffic jams, spending extra time at the gym, and similar excuses for being late or absent altogether might also signal infidelity. A cheating partner might also suddenly be forgetful about picking up the kids, birthdays and other important events, etc.

7. Friends seem uncomfortable around you

With infidelity, you, the betrayed partner, are nearly always the last person to find out. The cheater’s friends often know about the infidelity right from the start, and your own friends are ly to find out long before you do.

This knowledge typically causes these individuals to feel uncomfortable around you. The cheater’s friends might try to avoid you or to be overly nice to you.

Your own friends may try to avoid conversations about your relationship, and they might overcompensate by being extra nice.

8. Unexplained expenses

If there are odd charges on your partner’s credit cards, or there is suddenly less money in your or your partner’s bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, etc., that’s a possible sign of infidelity.

If you ask your partner about these expenses, and their answers seem untrue, it’s ly that they are untrue. Infidelity costs money: gifts, trips, wine and dinners, hotel rooms, etc. The costs of cheating can add up very quickly.

If you see large cash withdrawals or evidence of purchases from places you rarely or never frequent, that’s not a good sign.

9. Emotional intimacy has faded

After a few years, no relationship is as intense as it was in the first few months.

That said, we do tend to bond and to securely attach over time, learning to trust one another with our secrets, our desires, and other important aspects of our lives.

That process is known as building emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy is what keeps us bonded to our significant other long after the bloom is off the rose, so to speak.

So, if your partner suddenly seems less emotionally vulnerable and intimate with you and does not seem to want you to be emotionally vulnerable and intimate, that’s a strong indication that their focus has shifted — most ly to an affair partner.

Source: Olena Yakobchuk/Shutterstock

10. When you ask about cheating, your partner deflects and avoids

If your spouse is cheating on you, the absolute last thing in the world that they want to do is talk about it with you. So when you introduce this topic in conversation, they may try to deflect and avoid. In short, your partner will do everything possible to steer you onto another topic, or they will shift blame for what you’re thinking and feeling onto you.

If you’ve confronted your partner about infidelity and been rebuffed, maybe with a message , “If you trusted me a little more, maybe things would be better between us,” you should not let that override your gut sense that something is wrong in your relationship. Nor should you automatically accept your partner’s assertion that you are at fault. As stated earlier, if your gut tells you that your significant other is cheating on you, you’re probably right.

Please note: Your significant other could display all 10 of these signs and still not be cheating. But these remain indications that something is wrong in their life and/or your relationship. It might not be cheating, but there is almost certainly something that you and your significant other to talk about.

At the same time, your mate could be exhibiting none of these 10 signs and still be cheating. Either way, the good news is that learning about infidelity does not automatically signal the end of your relationship.

It simply means your partner has a lot of work to do if they want to restore relationship trust, make things right, and re-establish emotional and sexual intimacy.

If you learn that your partner has cheated on you, I strongly suggest that you not sit alone with that information. If you don’t feel comfortable confronting your partner, talk to a trusted friend, your pastor, or a therapist.

Just don’t sit there alone with your fears and feelings. Reach out and find empathetic support.

For in-depth information about healing after infidelity, I suggest reading Esther Perel’s book, The State of Affairs, and my own book, the Doghouse.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.


Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair — Signs of Cheating

Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating

Have you ever been in a relationship that was going great and things just started to… change? Unfortunately, subtle but palpable changes in your relationship could be a sign your partner is having an affair.

And while every relationship is different, so there is no one-size-fits-all cheat-sheet (pun intended) to finding out if your partner is being unfaithful, there are a few universal signs your relationship is in trouble.

For example, if someone who was once affectionate and attentive suddenly seems distracted. Or, maybe you’re not quite sure you can trust them.

Unless you ask them point blank and they're 100% honest with you, there's no way to know for sure if your partner is cheating, but these signs are certainly a reason to have a serious conversation about the state of your relationship.

Related: What is Emotional Cheating?

“There are no definitive, across-the-board, telltale signs of cheating (unless you catch your partner red-handed, or they own up to what's going on),” Marie Murphy, a relationship coach with a Ph.D.

in the sociology of sexuality, tells Woman's Day. You wouldn’t be the first person, for example, to say you had “no idea” your partner was cheating until it became glaringly obvious.

“And some cheaters are extremely good at covering their tracks!”

It would also be a mistake to suggest that any of these signs are absolute proof of cheating. “Sometimes people change their behavior or habits nowhere and don't offer much explanation for their reasons for these changes, and although this could seem suspicious, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with infidelity,” Marie explains.

But there are some tell-tale signs that something is up, according to Murphy and other relationship experts. Whether you’ve been cheated on before and you’re always scanning for hints of betrayal, or you’ve never been with a cheater and don’t know what to expect, we’ve got a long list of suspicious behavior.

Diego Cervo / EyeEmGetty Images

1. There’s someone new they can’t stop talking about.

A partner who starts bringing up a new coworker, friend, running buddy, or otherwise could be a sign of infidelity — or a slippery slope to infidelity. “It's always a possibility that your partner is just excited about meeting someone new and there's nothing improper going on.

But it's also important to remember that infidelity exists on a continuum, and there are many forms of cheating,” Murhphy says. “It's not uncommon for a new connection with another person to gather intensity in a way that seems harmless at first…

and then slides over the line into something that is pretty unambiguously outside of the bounds of the committed relationship.”

2. There’s more emotional distance than there used to be.

Any strong relationship requires conversation and emotional honesty, which leads to emotional intimacy. “When you see that your partner is not emotionally connecting with you, but making excuses to be away from you, that is one key sign of an affair,» Ellen Kenner, Ph.

D,clinical psychologist, tells Woman's Day. A partner being emotionally unavailable can also be a sign of general relationship problems, not just infidelity. Howevr, with the right amount of work and, in many cases, relationship counseling, those problems are often fixable.

3. They’re suddenly more affectionate.

It might not be the first thing to come to mind, but a partner who’s going above and beyond — whether it's with public displays of affection, «just because gifts,» or household chores — can also be a red flag. “Guilt and the need to cover up the affair may motivate your partner to be more 'affectionate' toward you,” Kenner explains. “Flowers arriving for you? Gifts? You may smell a rat.”

4. They’re putting more effort into their appearance.

Changes in appearance can be a sign of adultery.

For example, if your partner is dressing nicer, working out more, paying more attention to their grooming, or putting on perfume or cologne more regularly than they're used to, it could be to appeal to someone else. “Your partner is motivated to impress someone,” Kenner says. And if that someone isn't you, it's possible they're having an affair.

5. They’re gone more often than they used to be.

Just looking nicer than usual, being gone more often is another classic sign of an affair.

“Your partner seems to have a lot more work drifting into the wee hours of the night, more weekend calls to be at work or on a ‘business trip,’” Kenner says. But instead, they’re creating time to be with someone else.

Even if your partner isn’t cheating, spending less time together can also be an unfortunate sign that you’re falling love with each other.

skynesherGetty Images

6. They accuse you of cheating.

It might sound wild, but one go-to strategy of guilty cheating partners hoping to hide their infidelity is to flip the conversation around and try to accuse you of cheating.

“This can be a way to deflect the blame off of them and also to make them look someone who really values fidelity and would never cheat themselves,” Suzannah Weiss, certified sex educator and love coach, tells Woman's Day. But it’s not always about manipulation, either.

“They may genuinely be suspicious because they've seen firsthand that it's possible to get away with cheating.”

7. They’re making big cash withdrawals.

No surprise, but money talks. If you notice cash withdrawals from your joint accounts that are your partner’s usual spending limit or habit, alarm bells ought to ring. “They could be using cash to pay for their outings with another person so that their activities aren't trackable,” Weiss says. If nothing else, it’s worth talking to your partner about where the money is going.

8. They can’t seem to keep straight what they’ve already told you.

When your partner starts divulging intimate thoughts to someone new, it can be hard for them to keep who they’ve talked to straight. If they start asking, “Have I already told you this?” regularly, be wary. “They may be confiding in you less because they've found a new confidant,” Weiss explains.

9. They seem overly invested in your comings and goings.

“Another telltale sign of cheating is asking a lot of questions about your schedule and where you'll be when,” Weiss says.

What time are you going to be home? When are you going to see your girlfriends? There’s having a general knowledge of your partner’s whereabouts, and there’s finding pockets of time to see and be with someone else.

“They might be trying to make sure they don't get caught,» Weiss explains.

10. They get more possessive over their belongings.

“Many times, the cheating partner can start to become overly sensitive over his/her non-shared personal items such as their phone, car, or living space,” Lauren Peacock, relationship expert and author of Female. s Cheese. Comes with Dog.: Stories About Divorce, Dating, and Saying “I Do, tells Woman's Day.

“For example, if before he/she left their phone out while taking a shower, they may start to bring it into the bathroom with them or become very agitated when their significant other asks to look at a funny video or something else on the phone.

” That kind of possessiveness can signal that they’re actively hiding something — or someone.

11. They gaslight you when you ask if they’re cheating.

If you confront your partner and they get wildly upset about your accusation, that’s a pretty terrible sign.

“Anytime that a partner is cheating, usually the biggest tell is when they are confronted by it and they deny by turning it around onto their partner,” Peacock says.

“Maybe they blame their significant other for watching too many TV shows that put ‘crazy thoughts’ into their head when in all reality, they’ve simply figured out what’s been going on behind their back.”

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12. Your nose is sending you signals.

A person's sense of smell can be exactly the sense they need when it comes to figuring out whether or not their partner is cheating, according to Kenner. “Interesting and unusual smells on your partner [can be a sign],” she says. If you find yourself noticing perfume on your partner that isn’t yours, there may be something untoward going on.

13. You start catching your partner in little white lies.

“Lies might spring up about other, unimportant things,” Briony Leo, a certified psychologist and head coach at the relationship coaching company, Relish, tells Woman's Day.

While cheating might be the big, overarching lie, there might be several minor lies your partner has to tell in order to conceal the affair. “These might be minor things stopping off to buy groceries, or a major assignment at work that is taking a lot of time.

” Of course, your partner may have another reason for lying. But either way, a pattern that should be addressed.

14. Sex just doesn’t feel intimate anymore.

Sex can be a real connective act in a healthy relationship. And if one partner strays, it can also be the first place you notice trouble.

“If you have sex, you may find your partner having that thousand-mile-look during arousal,” Kenner says.

You might notice your partner feels distant even when you’re actively unclothed, or that they get bursts of sexual energy that don’t seem connected to you. “You are not the focus; your partner is thinking of their lover.”

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15. They just don’t get as upset about things anymore.

If you and your partner used to argue but they take a sudden about-face, it could actually be a signal that they’ve checked out and are focusing their passions on someone else.

“When you have other options, you are less affected by problems in a relationship.

This is often misinterpreted as someone growing more patience, but, it often signals they are distracted with someone else,” Nicholas Hardy, a psychotherapist in Houston, Texas, tells Woman's Day.

16. They stop talking about your future together.

“The future is reserved for those you envision one with,” Hardy says. If your partner has started seeing someone else, that may no longer be you. “When someone questions if you will be a part of their future, they talk less about their own future with you.”

17. Your gut says something is up.

Look, clear signs are great, but there’s also just the plain fact that sometimes in a relationship your gut says something is off. “You know your partner and their ‘tells’ better than anyone! So trust your instincts,” Murphy says.

“If something seems amiss — if your partner sounds unusual in a way that kicks up your interest and leaves you with a funny feeling in your stomach when they mention that new person they just met at the [wherever], it might be an indication that they're experiencing a passing infatuation…

but it also could be a clue that there's a lot more going on than just a little crush.”

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