- Why Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Is More Important Than IQ
- Top 5 Reasons EQ Determines Success in Life
- How Do We Develop Emotional Intelligence?
- More About EQ
- Why Is EQ More Important than IQ?
- What is EQ?
- Where did the Term Emotional Intelligence Come From?
- How is EQ Measured?
- How is it Recognized in the Workplace?
- Why a Leader Needs More Than a High IQ
- EQ as a Leadership Quality
- Learn New EQ Skills at Sandbox Centre
- EQ vs IQ: Why emotional intelligence will take your kid further in life
- How do you measure EQ?
- Can you teach EQ?
- Modelling EQ begins at home
- High EQ as a job requirement
- Important Distinctions Between EQ and IQ
- Intelligence Quotient
- Emotional Quotient
- 5 Components of Emotional Quotient
- How to Gauge EQ
- Leading voices on EQ
Why Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Is More Important Than IQ
Conventional wisdom has it that there's a direct connection between our IQ and our ability to succeed in life. In school, we're ranked by our GPA.
At certain points in grade school, students are given standardized tests that rank them against other students around the country. Schools are obsessed with how their students rank compared to others.
A requirement for most colleges is a satisfactory score on the SAT or ACT exam. These tests are basic IQ tests, designed to gauge our math skills and reading comprehension.
But there have been many studies that show IQ only accounts for about 20% of success. The major determinants of success are social and emotional intelligence. Yet there's very little emphasis put on developing emotional intelligence. Only a handful of schools have any formal programs that address emotional intelligence.
People with well-developed emotional skills are … more ly to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of the mind that foster their own productivity; people who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight battles that sabotage their ability for focused work and clear thought.
— Daniel Goeman, «Emotional Intelligence»
We have an emotional mind and a rational mind. In large part, our emotional mind developed to help us survive.
When man first wandered the earth, any time he encountered some new experience he needed to make instant decisions about whether the encounter involved something he could eat or something that might try to eat him.
Relying on the rational mind, which works much slower than the emotional mind, might have meant the end of mankind. The emotional mind springs into action more quickly than the rational mind. But unless we learn to control the emotional mind, we will make lots of bad decisions and poor choices.
Top 5 Reasons EQ Determines Success in Life
Our emotional intelligence has such a large impact on our success in life, it's important that we fully develop our emotional skills. Here are the top five reasons why your emotional intelligence determines your success in life.
1. EQ has a greater impact on success than other factors.
It has been said that your IQ can land you a job, but your lack of EQ can get you fired. Your IQ only accounts for 20% of your success in life. Your emotional intelligence and social intelligence are much greater determinants of the success you will achieve in life.
2. The ability to delay gratification is a primary indicator of future success.
Delayed gratification is the top predictor of future success. People who are able to pay the price today and delay the rewards are much more ly to succeed in life.
Unfortunately we have become a nation seeking instant gratification.
This shows up in our everyday lives in the foods we choose to eat, the buy-now-pay-later way of life, our difficulty in adhering to an exercise regimen, and putting mindless entertainment ahead of self-development.
3. High EQ leads to healthy relationships with others.
Our emotional skills have a direct and important bearing on our relationships with others. We need to understand our feelings, where they come from, and how to properly express them. We will not maintain healthy relationships unless we can control our emotions, communicate our feelings in a constructive manner, and understand the feelings of others.
4. Emotional health impacts physical health.
There is a direct connection between our emotional health and our physical health. If our lives are filled with stress, our physical health suffers. It has been estimated that well over 80% of our health problems are stress-related. We experience stress primarily because we are not comfortable emotionally. We need to understand the link between our emotional health and our physical health.
5. Poor EQ is linked to crime and other unethical behaviors.
Unfortunately, there's a direct connection between poor emotional skills and the rising crime rate. Children who have poor emotional skills become social outcasts at a very young age. They might become the class bully because of a hot temper. They may have learned to react with fists rather than with reason.
Poor social and emotional skills contribute to poor attention in class as well as feelings of frustration. Such students rapidly fall behind in school, and may tend to make friends with others in the same boat. The path to crime starts early in life.
While there's no doubt that family and environment are strong contributors, the common thread is poor emotional and social skills.
This is one case where an ounce of prevention would certainly be worth a pound of cure. The cost of intervention when a child is in grade school is minor compared to the cost of jailing them in their teens and twenties.
How Do We Develop Emotional Intelligence?
We need to know our emotions. We need to develop self-awareness—the ability to recognize feelings as they happen.
We must learn how to manage our emotions. Unless we learn to manage our emotions we will constantly be battling feelings of gloom and distress.
We must learn to motivate ourselves, learn emotional self-control, and delay gratification.
If we are to succeed in life, we need to learn to recognize emotions in others. We need to develop empathy; we need to be attuned to what others want or need.
And we need to develop our emotional intelligence so we are capable of healthy relationships.
More About EQ
© 2008 John Chancellor
Ronald Cluck on March 11, 2018:
Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is no longer the gold standard of a person's ability to succeed. Emotional intelligence is being hailed as the quality essential for success. http://bit.ly/2p5YrmI
KellyEngaldo on January 20, 2010:
When I teach communications this is the crux of the communications class. Excellent hub. It is relationships that support us — both at home and in business.
There is a fascinating program called 6 Seconds and its foundation is Emotional Intelligence.
Unfortunately, we do not formally incorporate this information in our educational system — and it is so critical. Thank you very much for sharing.
John Chancellor (author) from Tennessee on April 13, 2009:
Most of the information comes from the book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, published September 26, 2006.
Thanks for your comments. Hope this helps with your papers.
Pam on April 13, 2009:
Hi am trying to cite your article in one of my papers. What is the publication date and the reference info please! Awesome article
John Chancellor (author) from Tennessee on March 02, 2009:
I have read and I quoted from Emotional Intelligence, Why it can matter more than IQ. But I have also read several other books by various authors which deal with or touch on the subject.
I have posted reviews on some 146 books on Amazon.com. About half of the books I read deal with human development and or achievement. So while Goleman was probably the primary source, he was certainly not the only source. His works are well annotated. But they are also heavy reading.
Liv4Him77 on March 02, 2009:
Did you get your information from «Social Intelligence Byond IQ, Beyond Emotional Intelligence» by Daniel Goleman or is if from «Social Intelligence, Why it can matter more than IQ» by Goleman?
John Chancellor (author) from Tennessee on September 27, 2008:
You are absolutely corect. And unfortunately we do a rather poor job of teaching people skills.
countrywomen from Washington, USA on September 27, 2008:
I myself have observed that the top students in school aren't necessarily at the top most positions. It's mostly people who have good people skills who succeed.
Why Is EQ More Important than IQ?
The concept of an intelligence quotient is long-lived and still utilized today. It involves a score defined by a variety of tests used to evaluate intelligence. The original term was invented by psychologist William Stern in 1912.
The mental age score achieved on the test was then divided by chronological age to create a fraction to be multiplied by 100. Modern IQ tests are scored differently with most adults achieving between 85 and 115.
An extremely low number of people score above 130 and below 70.
This long-running determination of a person’s mental value began to change as the concept of emotional intelligence and an emotional quotient came into the picture. This brought to the forefront the understanding that how we feel and the way we manage those feelings is just as important as book smarts.
At Sandbox Centre, we serve local businesses here in Ontario, Canada.
Working with start-ups, entrepreneurs, and small businesses, we see plenty of companies seeking professional development in the area of emotional intelligence.
Offering resources, connections, and peer to peer networking, Sandbox Centre understands better than most the effort put forth to control emotion and meet business needs head-on.
Throughout this article, we’ll break down the true definition of EQ, when it was first discovered, how to measure it, and what role it plays in the Canadian workplace.
What is EQ?
EQ is an abbreviation for the term emotional quotient, a measurement of one’s ability to recognize and control emotions. It is also called EI or emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence involves more than your own emotions, for a good leader, it also means noticing the emotions of those around you and dealing with them accordingly.
Emotional intelligence plays an important role in most office buildings, as it governs the way we react in any given situation. Whether you’ve experienced a financial blow or received a promotion, there are right and wrong ways to react.
One of the important aspects of emotional intelligence in the workplace is knowing when you are experiencing an emotion and keeping calm.
There are highs and lows to every business experience but maintaining a vigilant front of positivity is key.
Once you’ve mastered EQ you can use it in any situation and teach others to manage their emotional intelligence as well. Working together as a team, emotional development exercises are an excellent way to increase morale, get to know one another, and nip the potential for irresponsible emotional responses in the workplace.
Where did the Term Emotional Intelligence Come From?
Daniel Goleman is often thought to be the father of the emotional intelligence movement.
While he is a thought leader in the field of EQ, his work was largely information gained from two other psychologists working on a similar theory in the early 1990’s. Peter Salovey and John D.
Mayer are thought to have developed the term, “emotional intelligence”, using it in a publication to describe a new evolution of social intelligence.
These two eventually partnered with a third psychologist, Dr. David R. Caruso.
Together they created an EQ test that expressed your score several categories relating to mental health, personal awareness, social awareness, empathy, and more.
The test was designed between the universities of Yale and New Hampshire and is still used to this day to determine emotional intelligence levels for business purposes.
Following the development of the EQ concept, Daniel Goleman built onto Salovey and Mayer’s work to write the book, Emotional Intelligence, published in 1995. A writer for the New York Times, and a psychology graduate of Harvard University, Goleman was fed up with how little IQ tests and similar cognitive studies told us about our potential in business.
Goleman also believed that having high EQ increased happiness at work and at home. When you consider the outcomes of emotional intelligence as being able to manage emotions and cope with the emotions of others this makes perfect sense. Thus, introducing EQ to the Canadian workforce is beneficial to everyone involved.
How is EQ Measured?
EQ IQ has a test from which you can derive your emotional intelligence level.
There are many different tests now, making it difficult to pinpoint a standardized test by which to rank yourself and your employees.
The Emotional Quotient Inventory, or EQI, now EQI-2 is one of the most popular EQ tests around. It measures results responses to 133 statements with an answer of how strongly you agree or disagree.
The test is said to take no more than twenty minutes to complete and covers a variety of sub-topics such as self-expression, stress management, decision making, interpersonal, and self-perception. The online test supplies a lengthy analysis of your current social and emotional health, which can then be used to conduct professional development courses and EQ strengthening exercises.
The original EQ test created by Mayer, Salovey, and Caruso is another option for the development of leadership skills and advanced emotional intelligence. This test takes up to 45-minutes to complete and consists of 141 questions or statements to rate. The test is available in multiple languages and each question and answer is ranked by leaders within the EQ field.
In a test with responses of:
- Strongly agree
- Neither agree nor disagree
- Strongly disagree
Questions or statements might look this:
- In the workplace, you respond to all social situations with positivity.
- When confronted with a problem you react emotionally instinct.
- Negative confrontation makes you nervous.
In other tests, such as the Mayer, Salovey, Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test, questions come from many different categories and include:
- Comparing emotions to sensations or colours.
- Predicting emotional reactions in others a situation.
- Deciding on the best emotional strategy in social relationships.
The test includes a multiple-choice section, fill in the blanks, and more.
It can be tricky to determine which test is best. Some businesses choose to invest in their own tests, using questions or statements relevant to their industry and roles. The test is meant to shine a light on areas of social and emotional weaknesses so they may be strengthened.
How is it Recognized in the Workplace?
Emotional intelligence takes on different forms depending on where you are and the situation that you’re taking part in. In the workplace it might look :
- The ability to recognize emotions in others.
- Maintaining a positive attitude during a personal evaluation.
- Staying emotionally aware when goals are missed, and emotions are high.
- Being able to successfully problem solve despite high-stress situations.
- Building trust with team members by avoiding conflict.
- Maintaining good communication skills while under pressure.
When EQ is low, you can feel it and see it in yourself and others. A lack of emotional intelligence manifests as:
- Yelling at a rude customer.
- Becoming defensive following constructive criticism.
- Invading a teammate’s personal space.
- Cracking under the pressure of a complicated task.
- Low tolerance for high-stress situations.
- Poor mental health because of a lack of self-care.
You may notice some of these traits and instincts in yourself, or they may be brought to light by management. When low EQ causes problems, you may be able to pinpoint specific causes and work on long term solutions.
For instance, finding it tough to share your thoughts or concerns about an upcoming project with a teammate could be a combination of anxiety and not knowing how to breach the subject. Recognizing anxiety is a good start. Now you can practice relaxation and breathing methods to control those feelings at work.
For communicating feelings about a project, taking a few communication skill-building courses will help you feel more confident.
Many workplaces are beginning to see the advantages of implementing EQ professional development courses. Speaking to a manager about making EQ part of your standard prof dev time could help everyone develop new soft skills and high emotional intelligence.
Why a Leader Needs More Than a High IQ
In any Canadian office space, there’s a need for book smarts up to a point.
Many people receive college or university educations, specialty training, certificates, diplomas, internships, or apprenticeships to become successful in their chosen fields.
Even with all this education and training, there’s no guarantee for success. This is due to the amount of social interactions and emotions within every workplace.
Let’s face it, no matter how much you love your job, at the week you’re exhausted so TGIF! Sometimes being tired puts us in a weak state of mind emotionally. When trouble hits, it suddenly becomes more difficult for us to deal with things inside before we deal with them outside. This is a big part of what emotional intelligence provides to you.
Have you ever been in an argument with somebody, yelled and said things you shouldn’t? About an hour later you’ll think of all kinds of great comebacks, or you’ll blush thinking, “I can’t believe I lost control that.
” This is because in that moment your emotional quotient dropped, you fell victim to impulse and gut instinct, and anger got the better of you. It happens to us all. Imagine if we let that sort of behaviour take over in the office.
There would be a lot of awkward faces in the break room come Monday morning.
You see, no matter how many books you read, degrees you earn, or business mentorships you’ve undergone, without a strong understanding of your emotional needs and the emotional needs of others, your IQ won’t come in very helpful.
EQ as a Leadership Quality
Leadership is a highly emotional role, it requires training, evaluating, reporting, and meeting targets. Managing a team means overseeing all the efforts of the individuals involved. This requires good time management, and a whole new skill set as far as emotional intelligence goes. A great leader must be in control of their emotions even when others are not.
Whether you’re speaking to employees you manage, or your own manager, having the ability to hold emotions in check, and read the room is highly advantageous. It allows you to appear reserved, professional and knowledgeable, even when the situation is tense. It also helps you respond to others and creates an air of approachability.
Leadership roles are often considered analytical, but there’s plenty to get emotional about when the actions of an entire group of people fall on your head.
It’s tough sometimes to remember that the actions of your team aren’t intentional. When a target gets missed or someone calls in sick, it reflects poorly on your team stats and your management style.
Retaining your cool and turning that negative into a learning experience is what makes effective leaders so effective.
Strong leaders possessing emotional intelligence can process problems quicker than those who give into Freud’s “Id”. Having a high EQ encourages motivation, participation, and communication. Teams run more smoothly, express themselves more professionally, and are more successful overall. Developing this leadership trait takes time but is worth the effort.
Learn New EQ Skills at Sandbox Centre
Sandbox Centre has a soft spot for emotional intelligence support. It has quickly become one of the most essential tools in any employee’s skill set. If you’re interested in learning more about EQ or are seeking connections and resources to get you started on professional development for EQ through our CNNX Groups.
Sandbox Center is located at 24 Maple Avenue in Barrie, Ontario. As a local Barrie community, we pride ourselves on having the opportunity to serve friends and neighbours right here in town.
Supporting local businesses helps us all create a more stable environment for future businesses and the long-term Barrie economy. We’re always happy to see new and returning faces, so if you’re in the neighbourhood, please stop by.
We always have a varied selection of guest speakers and special projects on the go.
You can also visit our official site for a list of upcoming training, speakers, or to get connected with peer-to-peer networking. Contact Sandbox Centre for more information at firstname.lastname@example.org 705.503.6600 www.sandboxcentre.com and join the Sandbox community on , LinkedIn and Instagram.
EQ vs IQ: Why emotional intelligence will take your kid further in life
Illustration: Sarah Rafter
One day on the school bus, six-year-old student Martin Moran gave a toy car he’d brought from home to a boy with special needs. He had noticed that no one ever wanted to sit next to the boy, who was often disruptive during the ride. Martin’s plan worked—the distraction helped the other child focus and stay calm, says Martin’s mom, Jessica Moran.
“It was his idea. Martin’s pretty in tune with other kids’ emotions and came up with that solution on his own,” says Moran.
The story illustrates her son’s high EQ, or emotional intelligence quotient. It’s a skill set that’s been getting a lot of buzz, with some experts and educators saying it matters more than IQ—your child’s intelligence quotient.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman estimates that, at best, IQ makes up only 20 percent of the factors that determine life success, while other forces, such as EQ, wealth, temperament, family education levels and pure luck make up the balance.
That means cognitive skills—verbal comprehension, memory, reasoning and processing speed—will help academically, but they will only get a person so far in life.
To really go the distance, those IQ traits should be rounded out with social-emotional skills motivation, perseverance, impulse control, coping mechanisms and the ability to delay gratification.
Goleman, one of the first people to raise awareness of EQ, is the author of Emotional Intelligence, a groundbreaking book that came out in 1995. Since its release, study after study has proven EQ’s importance: that emotional intelligence predicts future success in relationships, health and quality of life.
It’s been shown that children with high EQs earn better grades, stay in school longer and make healthier choices overall (for example, they are less ly to smoke); teachers also report that high-EQ students are more co-operative and make better leaders in the classroom.
There’s also a relationship between emotional intelligence and bullying, with EQ education initiatives seen as a way to help prevent it.
What’s more, having a high emotional intelligence is a greater predictor of career success than having a high IQ, which means it’s valued by employers looking for candidates who can complete work and get along with people in progressively collaborative workplaces.
How do you measure EQ?
A traditional IQ test assesses cognitive abilities through vocabulary, reading comprehension and retention, reasoning and math skills. Meanwhile, EQ assessments test different aspects of emotional intelligence: emotional literacy, empathy, intrinsic motivation and how we navigate emotions.
Schools with more progressive approaches to social-emotional learning are starting to assess EQ in students to get a baseline, much they test math or reading in September to get a sense of where kids are at.
Some school counsellors may suggest an EQ test for a child who is struggling socially, to determine which skills to work on.
Just with IQ scores, an EQ score of 100 is considered average; 115 is awesome, but 85 indicates there are some challenges.
Emotional intelligence quotient scores are in decline all over the world, according to the State of the Heart 2016 report, an annual scorecard by Six Seconds, the Emotional Intelligence Network, a non-profit whose mission is to foster and raise awareness of EQ through research and education. It tracks emotional intelligence levels among 100,000 people in 126 countries using online tests.
Some experts blame this decline on increased stress and anxiety levels, which make it harder to cope with life’s curveballs. Another culprit is our growing reliance on technology and social media for communication. We aren’t using the basic face-to-face social and emotional skills that are so crucial to interpersonal relationships and future academic and career success.
In my family, our daughter, Avery, 12, has come to the defence of a boy who has a learning disability by standing up to a group of kids who were taunting him in the schoolyard. “How would you feel if someone called you that?” she challenged them.
Martin Moran, Avery is able to understand another’s perspective and then take steps to help that person feel better. Her little brother, my nine-year-old son, Bennett, has autism, so I wonder if perhaps his EQ deficit has boosted Avery’s emotional intelligence. It has forced her, on many occasions, to decipher his feelings behavioural rather than verbal cues.
But there’s more to EQ than empathy.
The emotionally intelligent child is also one who can label her own emotions accurately, regulate them and control reactions to them; for example, she can verbalize her anger or frustration and think of ways to defuse her feelings rather than throw a book against the wall. A child with a high EQ can also handle more complex social situations and build meaningful friendships, in part because of that ability to relate to or empathize with peers.
As a kid grows into a teen and then an adult, EQ becomes tied to internal motivation and self-regulation. It governs how she makes decisions or harnesses her thoughts and feelings to cope with stress, solve problems and pursue goals.
For example, well-developed EQ is personified in the student who can manage her time to complete homework assignments, study for tests, hold down a part-time job and apply to university, all while successfully juggling multiple family and peer relationships.
As my daughter nears adolescence, I’m starting to see how EQ will help her navigate all the social and emotional pitfalls of junior high and prepare her for life as a young adult. At the same time, I worry about my son, whose emotional intelligence is still in its infancy.
The good news? Un IQ, which is static, EQ can increase. But to really develop and master those skills, a child may need explicit teaching and practice.
Can you teach EQ?
“There is a component that children are born with, but there’s a large component that’s learned. There’s an intersection between nature and nurture,” says Joshua Freedman, CEO of Six Seconds.
Much of that social-emotional piece is being taught in Canadian schools, where the focus for early childhood and primary school education is on social skills and emotional literacy, the term for naming and managing feelings and learning to respond to others’ emotions appropriately.
“What we try to do with young children really focuses on those areas as much as on traditional curriculum goals,” says Marilyn Chapman, a professor emeritus at the University of British Columbia in the faculty of education. Over the years, Chapman has updated the province’s primary education program, which teaches empathy through play, especially in the early grades.
Storytime is also key, in almost any form, including picture books, oral storytelling, dramatic play, role-playing with dolls and letting kids read on their own.
“Kids learn to understand the social world through storytelling—it helps them relate to a situation and learn how to handle events and emotions,” Chapman says.
“It’s a powerful way for them to learn to contextualize situations.
In kindergarten, it’s learning to be aware of their own feelings, to express those feelings, to be able to get along with other kids, to share, to be responsible—we do a lot of that.”
This may sound basic stuff, but for kids to focus and to behave in class and to make friends, it’s imperative to master these concepts. (No one wants to play with the kid who doesn’t share or take turns.)
As children progress through the grades, the learning moves from social skills and emotional literacy to social responsibility, or what many elementary schools call “citizenship,” which is learning to be a good community member in the classroom.
Kids are encouraged to put away their books and belongings, to be respectful of others’ work and ideas and to tackle projects that make the school or community better for everyone.
(For example, the grade six students at Avery’s Calgary school spearheaded a campaign to collect winter clothing donations for a local charity.)
Social initiatives this are important because they teach kids that they are part of something larger than themselves, says Chapman.“We are interdependent and we have to be socially responsible—whether in a classroom or a community,” she says.
Participating in Roots of Empathy is another way schools are teaching emotional intelligence in the classroom. This widespread program—it ran in almost 2,400 Canadian schools in 10 provinces in 2016—teaches empathy through regular visits from a parent and baby.
During each session, a trained facilitator guides the students’ observations about the baby’s feelings by helping them recognize and name what different facial expressions or vocalizations might mean.
Then the kids are coached to think about a time when they felt scared or frustrated or sad, for example.
When children realize all humans—even babies—have these emotions, it’s the beginning of empathy, says Carolyn Parkes, the North American director of Roots of Empathy. Not only that, but when students learn to empathize, it becomes harder to be mean to peers.
“The research on Roots of Empathy shows that there’s a reduction in aggression and an increase in pro-social behaviours,” says Parkes. “When you understand another person’s feelings and who they are, it’s really hard to be hurtful to them. So the bullying decreases as a result.”
Joshua Freedman wants schools to approach social-emotional learning in a more systemic, developmental way.
“I would to see schools treat it much math or any other area where there’s a scope and sequence.
And we assess it, we focus on it, with time dedicated to it, and we don’t just do it for a couple days here and there,” says Freedman, although he concedes that any time spent developing EQ pays off.
In one Six Seconds study, the organization found that when a high school math teacher spent time on social emotional learning, the rest of the more traditional math lessons were easier to get through (compared with classes that didn’t have the EQ component).
The teacher dedicated one class a week to emotional intelligence. She started by checking in with the students about how they were feeling and then moved on to an EQ exercise: for example, watching a video clip that dealt with a difficult decision and talking afterward about what made it hard.
Finally, the teacher asked the students to write about a similar challenge or problem they were facing and then brainstorm solutions.
The teacher attributed the results—improved math learning following EQ exercises over a three-month period—to better relationships, better communication and better context for problem solving in the classroom.
“It’s really a beautiful situation,” says Freedman. “By focusing a little time on social-emotional learning, we actually can go further in academics.”
Modelling EQ begins at home
Parents begin teaching emotional literacy to their kids from infancy. “One of the things that’s really important in the early years is for children to be able to understand how they’re feeling and to be able to put words to those feelings rather than acting out,” says Chapman.
She says the peak time for physical aggression in children is between ages two and five—before they start school.
It’s a time when kids grab, hit or bite because they don’t have the language to express themselves adequately.
But their aggressive communication presents an opportunity for parents to help them name those feelings and to coach them—through play or by moderating their play with other children—on how to get along.
Parents should also take a close look at their own emotional intelligence, says May Duong, director of parent education for Six Seconds. “It starts with our own self-awareness,” says Duong. Her organization has found that parents who participated in EQ workshops had better family interactions as well.
Have you ever told your kids to “suck it up” when they were sad or disappointed? Or responded to a crying child with, “You’re fine,” or “Don’t be sad”? That’s not very empathetic. Slowing down and trying to be less dismissive of how our kids are feeling is the goal.
Freedman, a dad to two teenagers, thinks parents have a tendency to dismiss children’s feelings because we don’t know what to do with them—their emotions are so very big and raw that we want to flip the happy switch as quickly as possible.
“When my kids are expressing strong feelings, I feel overwhelmed,” says Freedman. “But one of the things I’ve learned is that most of the time, I don’t have to do anything.
Kids cry and you want to fix it. Instead, just sit. Bite your tongue.” You can validate or mirror their feelings, but ultimately, he says, “It’s their job to learn how to fix it.
You can help them by coaching them in the moment.”
High EQ as a job requirement
Companies know that employees who score well on emotional intelligence will not only be able to do the job but will also be better equipped to read workplace situations, get along with co-workers, collaborate and solve problems.
“Employers of today are looking for individuals with high EQ.
We’re working with companies Google, American Express, and FedEx—and it’s high on their list when they select people,” says Steven Stein, CEO of Multi-Health Systems, a test-publishing company that came up with the EQi, one of the first tests of emotional intelligence. Testing prospective employees—usually as part of the final interview process—is legal, as long as it relates to the job they’re applying for, he says.
“We’re going on some pretty hard data when we select people,” says Stein, who has also authored The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success and Emotional Intelligence for Dummies.
Employers testing the EQ of applicants illustrates a major shift in thinking, and it’s all the more reason I’ll continue to nurture my kids’ emotional intelligence. Their EQ—together with their IQ—will help pave a path to future success in all aspects of life.
FILED UNDER: Behaviour learning Preschool behaviour School Social skills
Important Distinctions Between EQ and IQ
EQ and IQ are terms that are often confused and mistakenly used with each other. However, there are some very important distinctions between EQ and IQ.
IQ is known as “Intelligence Quotient” and it’s a measure of a person’s relative intelligence. Emotional Quotient, also known as EQ, is the ability to identify and manage your emotions and the emotions of others.
The sky’s the limit for a person who excels in both areas.
Merriam-Webster defines IQ as “a number used to express the apparent relative intelligence of a person. Determined by either the ratio of the mental age (as reported on a standardized test) to the chronological age multiplied by 100 — or a score determined by one's performance on a standardized intelligence test relative to the average performance of others of the same age.”
The secondary definition is “proficiency in or knowledge of a specified subject.” “Nobody can question this fan’s baseball IQ” is an example of the secondary definition used in a sentence.
A person scoring below 70 is typically considered to have an intellectual disability, while those scoring over 145 are considered genius or near-genius. While it’s technically possible to score at or above 180, two-thirds of the population have an IQ somewhere between 85-115. IQ can change over time depending on a person’s propensity to learn new concepts.
Emotional Quotient (EQ) is defined as an individual’s ability to sense, understand and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions to facilitate higher levels of collaboration and productivity. EQ is often referred to as emotional intelligence as the terms are interchangeable.
Research shows that successful leaders and superior performers have well developed emotional intelligence skills. This makes it possible for them to work well with a wide variety of people and to respond effectively to the rapidly changing conditions in the business world. In fact, a person’s emotional intelligence may be a better predictor of performance success than intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence is measured through assessments. A person answers a series of questions, and in doing so, earns a specific score for each of the five individual sub-categories that make up EQ, as well as an overall score. IQ, a person can focus on specific areas of EQ and work to improve their scores.
5 Components of Emotional Quotient
When considering emotional intelligence, we look both internally and externally. EQ considers how we think about ourselves and how we think about and act toward others.
The stronger a person is in each of these areas, the better chances he or she possesses to achieving greatness in most situations.
The three internal hallmarks of emotional intelligence pertinent to self are:
- Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effect on others.
- Self-regulation is the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the propensity to suspend judgement and think before acting. In practice, it is your ability to influence your emotional clarity.
- Motivation is a passion to work for reasons that go beyond the external drive for knowledge, utility, surroundings, others, power or methodology and are an internal drive or propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence.
Externally, EQ is a measure of what goes on between you and others.
- Social-awareness is the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people and how your words and actions affect others. Summed up, it’s all about assessing others.
- Social-regulation is your ability to influence the emotional clarity of others through a proficiency in managing relationships and building networks.
How to Gauge EQ
Un very observable behavioral styles, EQ is best measured through the use of assessments. the answers to questions, a person will score somewhere between 0 and 100. The higher the score, the higher the EQ.
Understanding a person’s EQ, along with knowing their natural behavioral style and their drivers can help paint a clearer picture of what that person is all about and how they will ly behave in certain situations.
Leading voices on EQ
Daniel Goleman is a leading voice in the field of emotional intelligence. Author of the New York Times bestseller Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. Dr. Goleman is an internationally known psychologist who lectures frequently to professional groups, business audiences, and on college campuses.
Working as a science journalist, Goleman reported on the brain and behavioral sciences for The New York Times for many years. His 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence (Bantam Books) was on The New York Times bestseller list for a year-and-a-half; it is available around the world in 40 languages.
Goleman has been quoted as saying, “emotional intelligence is the barometer of excellence on virtually any job. Emotional intelligence counts more than IQ or expertise for excelling on the job.”
Dr. Izzy Justice, is a noted author and leading voice in the field of EQ. He is a sought-after advisor known for providing thought leadership and talent management in the workplace.
Dr. Justice is a strong believer that just the way an athlete tires during sport, our minds and cognitive abilities tire throughout the day and may be less effective as the day goes on. He refers to this as emotional fatigue. Learn more about about emotional fatigue and Dr. Justice’s recommendations for improving these areas in his blog entitled Emotional Fatigue.
The good news is that, just your IQ, your EQ is not set in stone. While you may have areas in which you struggle today, with conscious effort you can improve those scores. Doing so will help you succeed in all situations, especially in business or social interactions.
Emotional intelligence is part knowledge, part restraint and part wisdom. Just as we spend years going to school to build our IQ, we need to spend time each and every day working on our EQ. Having a high IQ, without an equally high EQ, only gets us so far. But the combination of the two working in tandem can create limitless opportunities for someone proficient in both areas.