Is a Second Time Around Realistic?

Second Marriages: Your Complete Guide

Is a Second Time Around Realistic?

Burt Brill & Cardens Solicitors » Family Law » Second Marriages and the Law: A Practical Guide

If you have already been married and are embarking on a second or subsequent marriage then there are important legal points that you should consider.

We know that the circumstances around a second marriage are almost always more complicated than the first. There are often children from previous relationships to consider, as well as assets you have acquired including property, savings, investments, pensions, and businesses.

“Burt Brill(iant) & Cardens…fantastic from start to finish, extremely professional, knowledgeable, competent and reassuring. We couldn’t have wished for a better service.”

If you have gone through a divorce, you will be aware that relationships can break down. You will also appreciate how stressful and painful the divorce process can be, in particular when it comes to sorting out finances and assets.

We know that you will therefore want to do all you can to avoid this stress and ensure that you are fully protected, in the event of another divorce. The financial implications of a second divorce can be severe and need to be considered by both parties.

Marrying again will often require you to make difficult emotional, financial, and legal decisions. We use our experience in this area to help guide our clients through the decision-making process around remarriage.

If you need to speak to a Second Marriage Solicitor now, call our team confidentially on 01273 604 123 or email enquire@bbc-law.co.uk.

How are Remarriages different from First Marriages?

Personal Affairs

From a personal perspective, you have been through the stress and pain of the end of one marriage, be it through a death or divorce. You are older now than you were when you first married, and you may be thinking more about safe-guarding your future. You might have children from previous relationships to consider in terms of your assets and their inheritance.

Legal Affairs
Upon your second marriage, you will need to create a new Will, because any old Will be void once you marry. Many people want to provide for their new spouse and children from a previous marriage, so it is vital you contact us to ensure that your wishes would be acted upon in the event of your death.

Financial Affairs 
You will have to think about how your financial affairs will change. You have probably acquired more assets over time including property, business, pensions, investments, and even money from a divorce settlement. Many couples embarking on second marriages create a pre-nuptial agreement to protect both of their interests.

Second Marriages and Pre-Nuptial Agreements

A pre-nuptial agreement is a written contract that is signed before a couple get married. It is designed to set out what a couple would to happen to their assets and possessions should the marriage breakdown.

Pre-nuptial agreements are not legally binding but when drafted fairly and properly are seen as influential by the courts and are often upheld by judges.

There are circumstances such as the birth of a child and any illness or disability befalling one partner that will see a judge deviate from the pre-nup terms, and in many cases, the terms will be varied or cease to have effect after the marriage has lasted for a stated period or periods of time.

Should I consider a Pre-Nuptial Agreement for a Second Marriage?

If you have been through a divorce, you will be aware of how difficult the process can be. One of the most difficult parts is sorting out assets.

Most people remarrying are more realistic about the possibility of the relationship coming to an end, and more aware of the importance of agreeing mutually satisfactory terms in order to provide security for any children and avoid being left with nothing if the marriage breaks down.

To speak to our legal team about creating a pre-nuptial agreement, call 01273 604 123 or email enquire@bbc-law.co.uk.

Second Marriages and Inheritance

Inheritance can be a complicated matter that needs to be considered when embarking on a second marriage. If you die then your assets will automatically pass to your surviving spouse. This brings up complications especially when you have children from a previous relationship. Speak to us today if you have concerns about remarriage and inheritance.

If you have children from a previous marriage, you will almost certainly want them to receive an inheritance in the event of your death. On remarrying, your children (and any grandchildren) will not automatically receive any of your hard-earned assets. Ordinarily your assets will automatically pass to your new spouse and their children rather than any children you might have.

You will need to take steps to ensure your wishes are honored with a new Will. If you leave your estate to your surviving spouse, it automatically becomes part of their assets on your death. Legal advice is essential in ensuring your children’s inheritance is protected.

Wills & Trusts

When you remarry, any existing Will you have written will become null and void. It is therefore important to write a new Will with a solicitor as soon as possible to ensure that your wishes will be honoured.

You should consider what assets you want your new spouse to receive as well as any children you may have. You can also use Trusts to help provide for both your surviving spouse and your children / beneficiaries in the event of your death.

Speak to our Will Writing team today. 

Who We Are

Burt Brill & Cardens have been serving the people of Sussex and beyond for over 125 years. Sir Herbert Carden founded our Firm in the heart of Brighton in 1893.

In 2020, we provide legal services to clients all over the world, but are proud to still be based at number 30 Old Steyne, a stone’s throw away from the famous Brighton Pier.

We take great pride in our reputation, which comes not only from a century of providing first-rate legal services, but from the outstanding staff that look after our clients today. We pride ourselves on our integrity, expertise, and client focus.

What Our Clients Say About Us

“Amelia has been guiding me through my case from inception. I’m sure if it wasn’t for her guidance and reassuring manor I would not be where I am today. She is always available and gives you the real personal feel. She has treated my case as if it were her own and I will be forever grateful to her. Her technical law knowledge is also second to none. ”

“ From initial meeting to the end of the case Amelia been fantastic. She was very organised, knowledgeable and very professional at every step. I have been informed about everything and received regular updates. Each time I visit the office everyone was very helpful and had smiles on their faces.”

“It has been a very stressful time recently during my divorce and financial settlement, but the way I’ve been treated and advised by their Solicitor, has been overwhelmingly satisfying. I’ve been in good hands every step of the way, but it’s the friendly human attitude that makes them different amongst the rest and that’s a calming and reassuring feeling.”

Your Consultation

With over 125 years’ experience in helping individuals and their families, we are equipped with the knowledge to deal with all of the issues which must be considered when a couple decides to get married.

Your consultation can be in person at our offices, over Skype, or by telephone, to discuss the your remarriage, your wishes, and how we can put them into effect.

To book your consultation now, email us at enquire@bbc-law.co.uk or call us on 01273 604 123.

Источник: https://www.bbc-law.co.uk/family-law/second-marriage-advice/

Women Who Remarried Their Ex-Husbands Share What They Learned About Love

Is a Second Time Around Realistic?

Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Pryor, Eminem, and Larry King all did it. But if you think remarrying one’s own ex-spouse following divorce is merely the tabloid stuff of larger-than-life personalities, you might be surprised to find that plenty of regular folks living amongst us have been through it — and come out on the other side more powerful for the experience.

“A lot of people who haven’t been through infidelity, or a [serious] breakup, they’re kind of smug,” explains life coach and relationship expert Tray Kearney, who herself once considered reuniting with her ex-husband after divorce.

But for people who have been through it, partners in relationships with more traditional-seeming arcs can “learn that this could happen to everybody. Never, ever say, ‘Not me.’ Sometimes we stand to lose the value of a thing from it always being there.

” (Yes, all of us.)

Chloe Volini

Consider Chloe Volini (not her real name), who met her husband at a bar through mutual friends in 2006. By 2009, they were married, and by 2012 welcomed their first daughter.

After moving to the suburbs, the couple spent the next three years in a haze of secondary infertility: four miscarriages and one failed IVF attempt — during which Chloe’s husband started an affair with a co-worker a decade his junior.

That’s when the spouses found themselves pregnant the old-fashioned way.

«As soon as the pregnancy was confirmed, he freaks out and I find out about the affair,” Chloe recalls. “He denies it, but I’m 100 percent sure it’s going on, and I divorced his ass while pregnant because I deserve better. He feels so guilty he signs away a sh-t ton of money and custody of the kids. So that’s that, right?”

Chloe went to therapy to mourn her old life. They sold their big house. He moved back downtown to a bachelor pad. Chloe was eight months pregnant when she moved into her new, smaller house during a blizzard; he didn’t help.

But he did drive her to the hospital for her scheduled c-section weeks later. That’s when a call on his car display provided confirmation to Chloe of his side relationship, though her husband still denied it was happening.

After their son was born, Chloe’s husband provided financial support, but rarely saw his children. Finally, he ended his other relationship. Chloe was dating other people. Then, on a holiday during which he was entitled to see his kids, Chloe and her husband slept together. He wanted her back.

At the time, Chloe was still dating other people, but she began seeing her ex-husband, too. “We had a lot of fun dating again — too much fun,” she explains. Soon, she got pregnant again. “We felt it was meant to be after that.” They remarried when she was seven months pregnant.

These days, Chloe and her husband are clear about the future of their relationship. “We know we really want to be together,” she says. “We aren't just staying together for the kids or just stuck wondering what could have been. We've seen what was out there, realized the grass isn't always greener, and respect and appreciate each other a lot more now.”

Giantstep Inc

From the separation, Chloe learned about her own strength. “I learned I am a strong-ass woman and I can survive anything.

” Following a childhood of adversity — being raised by her grandparents, a semi-absent mother, and fully absent father — Chloe admits she came into the relationship with her own baggage.

“I had some major abandonment issues from my childhood,» she says. «I didn't even realize it until I started going to therapy during the divorce.»

For his part, Chloe’s husband went through therapy to improve the “crappy communication” she blames for the dissolution of their first marriage. “From therapy, he learned to speak up when something is bothering him. We are a lot more honest with each other now, in everything we do. I don't treat him a baby. I hold him accountable. We hold each other accountable.”

These days, things feel good for Chloe, who’s happily re-married despite a tale that seriously diverges from storybooks. “I know I will be okay on my own should anything ever happen again,” she says. “I know I will never let my kids see me in a relationship that isn't healthy.”

For those in simpler-seeming relationships who might be dubious about Chloe’s marriage reconciliation, she says, “This sh-t can happen to anyone. I would have 100 percent told you that my husband would never cheat on me, that we would never get divorced.”

Violette de Ayala

Founder and C.E.O. of professional women’s membership organization FemCity

Violette de Ayala met her husband on a blind date when she was 20 and he was 21. “Meeting him left me speechless,» she recalls. «I was quiet and in awe over him. It was love at first sight. He was so handsome, funny, quirky, and elegant with this rugged appearance.”

Months passed as distance and other relationships came between them. But eventually they each ended their respective relationships, and became a couple. “Off the bat, we discussed marriage, rings, honeymoons, and our life together,” Violette recalls. “It was such a natural process because the connection had been so strong.” They were married within months.

During the 20 years of their first marriage, there were many stressors: Violette was launching businesses, he was renovating a home and also had a day job.

“Things never really had a solid ground from the start and through the years and the stresses of finances and disengagement, the fibers just started to come undone,” Violette says. “Though we loved each other, the relationship wasn’t in balance.

We were both taking issues out on one another and it was no longer healthy for our kids or for us.”

They divorced and remained so for about a year and a half while still living together. “The kids were our top priority and having the house stable for them was the focus,” Violette explains. “We were friends, cordial and respectful, but rarely spent time together.” He had a new girlfriend.

“I really used the time to work on myself. I had a lot of healing to get through,” Violette says. “My love story was a mess, having lived with a mother that was an addict and mentally ill.” So she did a lot of bucket-list traveling, and other forms of self care.

Violette was traveling in Europe when she realized how much she missed her husband. She didn’t want to be the one to initiate the conversation, but he did, eventually.

They came back together, and dated secretly at first. “We just wanted it to be us and only our vibes and energy. After six months, we realized that there was more love between us than ever before.

” Now they are legal domestic partners and have discussed remarriage.

“The second time around was a fully informed, completely intentional choice with more wisdom and appreciation for each other and our union,” she explains. “The separation allowed us to own our issues and not blame one another. It gave us the freedom to grow up, heal, and find our own solid ground.”

Matt Porteous

Because of their split, Violette says, “I am more balanced, calm, and have more clarity. He is more focused on the family, on me and our marriage.

The divorce was the biggest blessing even though it was absolutely horrible. But there is no way we would be where we are today had we not separated.

It’s we both grew up into complete humans and now flow in a healthy way together in total balance.”

Violette says, “When things break and you put them back together, you find a new sense of love and gratitude for each component.

You look at each piece and discover its purpose and how it serves or doesn’t serve to repair the relationship.

Building it back from the ground up gave it a strength that you only embrace while acknowledging the power of the foundation. It was starting anew but with profound layers that can only be developed through decades of love.”

To those who find reconciliation after divorce hard to imagine, Violette says, “People can change and evolve through going through dark moments of loss and heartbreak. You have the choice to move forward with love and forgiveness or to move forward in hate and anger. If we choose love, a beautiful new level of connectivity may just surprise you.”

The takeaway

People who have worked through profound pain from a relationship know that getting to a deeper, better place requires a lot of self reflection, professional help, and meditation or prayer. Most importantly, Kearney says, it requires the exercise of “looking at yourself and not pointing fingers.”

If infidelity is involved, Kearney emphasizes the importance of first truly accepting that the affair is over. “Whatever the thing that shattered your relationship — you have to be willing to give your partner a clean slate,” Kearney says, while acknowledging that not all divorces are meant to end in reconciliation: “If you can’t, you have to be selfless and let that person go.”

But if a relationship is meant to come back together after dissolution — because of cheating, or another reason — it can only be mended when both partners are willing to do the work of looking inward. And that’s a lesson every lover can learn from, whatever their unique challenges, whether or not they formally split from a relationship partner.

Kearney says, no matter what, a fundamental ingredient necessary for enduring love is: “We should always be doing self work — always, always, always.»

Alesandra Dubin is a veteran news and lifestyle writer. Her work has appeared in Business Insider, TODAY, BuzzFeed, Cosmopolitan, Parents, Good Housekeeping, Best Life, Esquire, and more. Follow her on @AliceDubin.

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Источник: https://www.shondaland.com/live/family/a30918713/remarried-ex-after-divorce/

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