How to Know If Your Relationship Is Worth Saving

Содержание
  1. How To Know A Relationship Is Worth Saving?
  2. How To Know If A Relationship Is Worth Saving?
  3. 1. You can’t bear the thought of leaving
  4. 2. You enjoy being with them
  5. 3. You can’t picture being with anyone else
  6. 4. They’re your safe place
  7. 5. The fights are about an unresolved issue
  8. 6. Their absence makes you feel lost
  9. 7. The problem lies elsewhere
  10. 8. You share core values
  11. 9. Your arguments are silly
  12. 10. Anger triggers thoughts of moving on
  13. 11. You kiss and makeup
  14. 12. You make each other laugh
  15. 13. The sex is mind-blowing
  16. How To Know When A Relationship isn’t Worth Saving
  17. 1. Your partner is abusive
  18. 2. Your partner has strayed
  19. 3. You don’t feel an emotional connect
  20. 4. Your life goals don’t meet
  21. FAQs
  22. 10 Signs That Your Relationship Is Worth Keeping
  23. 1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically
  24. Warming up
  25. Stay hydrated
  26. Meditate
  27. 2. Focus on your goal
  28. 3. Convert negativity to positivity
  29. 4. Understand your content
  30. 5. Practice makes perfect
  31. 6. Be authentic
  32. 7. Post speech evaluation
  33. Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation
  34. Improve your next speech
  35. IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORTH SAVING?
  36. Step 2: Re-program Your RAS
  37. Step 3: The one in the most pain needs to change first
  38. Step 4: Make room to really work on the relationship
  39. Step 5: Work on Yourself Individually and Stay Curious About Your Partner
  40. If you’re going to really try to make your relationship work, you’ve got to be fully, 100%, every ounce of your being, committed. To help figure out if you want to make that commitment, download my free Figuring Out Your Commitment worksheet below.
  41. How To Know If A Relationship Is Worth Saving
  42. 1) Your partner is trying to make things work
  43. 2) You still feel love for each other
  44. 3) You share similar values
  45. 4) There is no one else him/her
  46. 5) There is remorse for wrongdoings
  47. 6) You’ve been through a lot together
  48. 7) Things have been improving, even if slowly
  49. What if you don’t meet the signs above?

How To Know A Relationship Is Worth Saving?

How to Know If Your Relationship Is Worth Saving

Arguments, a difference of opinion, issues stemming from insecurity and possessiveness are common in a relationship. There are times people decide to part ways because of these. But sometimes you need to put in the extra effort to keep yourself together because the relationship is worth saving.

The beginning of a relationship is an exciting time. It’s all rainbows, roses and butterflies. Everything feels easy and light, and you can’t stop gushing over how perfect your partner is.

Then, somewhere along the way, that high begins to fade away, and problems start to rear their ugly head. Every couple finds themselves stuck in these rocky waters where you begin to look for signs if a relationship is worth saving. If it is, the next question that pops up is how to know if a relationship is worth saving?

Related reading: Here Is Why You Can’t Fix Bad Relationships With Fake Smiles

If that’s where you and your partner find yourself right now, read on to understand how to know if a relationship is worth fighting for.

How To Know If A Relationship Is Worth Saving?

If it’s the frequent quarrels and arguments that are sowing seeds of doubt in your mind, know that every couple fights.

However, some find themselves caught in a vicious circle of one fight leading to another. That can be an extremely frustrating time. But before you prepare to call it quits, take a moment to assess if it is worth holding onto the relationship you’re in.

You need to know when a relationship is worth fighting for and you know when to give up on a relationship. Here are 13 tell-tale signs that your relationship is worth saving.

1. You can’t bear the thought of leaving

You can’t bear the thought of living without each other

So, how do you know if you should fight for a relationship? Well, for starters if the thought of leaving makes you shudder there may be something substantial you share with your partner that is worth salvaging.

Anyone who’s ended a relationship before knows that feeling of being done with it, and if you’re not there yet, it’s a reason to hold on.

2. You enjoy being with them

A young girl wrote to us asking looking for answers to why her boyfriend wasn’t spending time with her and how it was affecting her peace of mind.

Spending quality time together is an important link that holds a couple together. If despite the frequent fights and arguments, your partner is still the one you look forward to spending all your time with, you have your answer.

3. You can’t picture being with anyone else

Wondering how to tell if a relationship is worth pursuing? Here’s your cue: if even entertaining the thought of being with someone else other than your partner makes your stomach turn, you may have found ‘the one’.

A friend of mine once set up a Tinder date after an awful fight with her boyfriend and even went to the pub they had agreed to meet at. As she saw this other man walk through the door, she suddenly felt sick to her gut and stormed out. She and her boyfriend are happily married today.

4. They’re your safe place

So, you’ve had your share of dating experiences and past relationships. But none of those compares to how secure and safe you feel in your present relationship, you are on solid ground, and we suggest you hang in there until this storm passes.

You can work out on your differences and save the relationship if you feel that your partner is your home. Can relationships be fixed? Yes, provided you know this is what you want.

Related Reading:  Best Way To Get Over Someone You Love Deeply In 9 Steps

5. The fights are about an unresolved issue

Want to be sure if a relationship is worth saving? Take a moment and think with a clear mind about how you feel for your partner? Is there any disdain, dis or resentment?

If not, there is a good chance that you both harbour very strong feelings for each other that are being masked because of some unresolved issue. So instead of entertaining the idea of moving on, work together to resolve that issue.

Sometimes a breakup seems easier than weeding through the issues, but both of you will be up for it if you feel the relationship is worth saving.

6. Their absence makes you feel lost

This couple I’m friends with had been going through a torrid love-hate patch. Their fights got ugly and often control, and the girl often told her partner to get lost.

After one such argument, he did and checked into a hotel. Those 48 hours spent apart made them realise what they meant to each other.

They went to couples therapy and spent the next few months working on their relationship, and things just took off from there.

7. The problem lies elsewhere

Any sudden or significant life changes can adversely impact a relationship, even if the affected person doesn’t mean for it to happen.

If either you or your partner is going through any such major transitions – a new job, stunted career growth, loss of a loved one, to name a few – understand that the problem lies elsewhere and what’s happening in your relationship is just a manifestation of that.

In this case, instead of wondering is it worth holding onto a relationship, work toward strengthening your bond.

8. You share core values

It is a rarity to find a significant other who shares the same core values as you. Of course, that doesn’t mean you’re going to agree on everything.

That’d just be plain boring. But if you share your outlook toward life goals, children, finances, politics, religion, you have a readily strong foundation to build a lasting relationship on.

You realise you have differences because you are very similar. Both of you could be emotional, possessive, protective and the issues could stem from that as well.

Related Reading: 20 Simple ways to make a guy miss you

9. Your arguments are silly

You have silly arguments

You left the wet towel on the bed again! You left the lights on! Your farts are annoying! You’re a terrible driver!

If such silly arguments are the common triggers for all your fights, you don’t need to worry about if a relationship is worth pursuing. However, you could both use some loosening up and learning to not sweat the small stuff.

Couples do all kinds of silly things when they are together. The silly arguments are part and parcel of life but if the relationship is worth saving don’t let it irk you.

10. Anger triggers thoughts of moving on

Take a moment to remember when do you find yourself mulling over the philosophy of ‘what makes a relationship worth saving?’

Is it only after you’ve had a raging fight and are still fuming with anger? Unless the thought of breaking free from the relationship is a constant nagging feeling at the back of your head, there is still hope for you.

It is possible to save a failing relationship if two people are still madly in love and cannot stay without each other.

11. You kiss and makeup

My partner and I have our share of fights, sometimes really ugly ones too. But we just cannot stay mad at each other for long.

An itch to set the tone right begins to build up if we go more than a day without talking to each other. So, one of us buries the ego to make amends, and the other follows suit.

Just that, it’s time to kiss and make up. Any couple who can relate to this needn’t worry about what the future holds for their relationship.

12. You make each other laugh

Believe me, when I say laughter is the life and blood that sustains a relationship, long after sex and romance have fizzled away.

So, if you can laugh together, share a ton of inside jokes and have a good time in each other’s company, you’ve found something rare that’s not just worth saving but worth fighting for too.

It’s your sense of humour than can help you sail through all the difficulties.

13. The sex is mind-blowing

While it’s the sad truth that there will come a time in your relationship when your libido will give away, that’s a worry for another time.

In the here and now, if over and above the love and affection, you also feel a compelling attraction toward one another that ends up in hot steamy sex, you’ve got a relationship that’s for keeps.

If you have sexual compatibility then it is a good enough reason to make the extra effort to save your relationship.

Related Reading: 15 Characteristics Of A Healthy Relationship

How To Know When A Relationship isn’t Worth Saving

Despite their flaws, some relationships have the potential to survive and thrive. But not all relationships are made equal.

Can a bad relationship get better? If yours is bringing you more misery than happiness, it may be time to consider an out. In this case a bad relationship will not get better and it’s not worth trying to save it.

Wondering how to know when a relationship isn’t worth saving? Let’s find out.

1. Your partner is abusive

If you’ve been at the receiving end of physical or verbal abuse from your partner, they neither value nor love you. You’d be much better off without such a constant negative presence in your life. It’s time to give up on the relationship.

2. Your partner has strayed

It happened only once. It meant nothing. I made a mistake…that’s what they all say when caught. But if your partner has strayed – unless of course, you’re in an open or polyamorous relationship – it’s a red flag that must not be ignored.

3. You don’t feel an emotional connect

Emotionless relationship is not worth saving

Maybe the sex is great, or you’ve both grown used to each other’s presence over time, or you’re too afraid to start over. If these are your reasons to stay, you need to re-evaluate that choice.

Unless there is a strong emotional connection between a couple and the sight of your partner makes your heart skip a beat every now and then, you’re both flagging a dead horse.

4. Your life goals don’t meet

Maybe he wants kids, and you want to pursue a career. Or she wants to move to a different country, but you want to stay close to your parents.

You want marriage, and he doesn’t. When you and your partner cannot agree upon the fundamentals, it is near impossible to build a future together.

Sometimes, even when it seems the hardest thing to do, it is best to let go. While at others, even when your relationship may seem to be hanging by a thread, it’s worth fighting for. To know with certainty if your relationship is worth pursuing, you’ve got to look for the right signs.

FAQs

1. Is a toxic relationship worth saving?

A toxic relationship can be fixed if there is no physical or emotional abuse involved, if two people still love each other and want to get rid of the toxicity that has crept in.

2. How do I know if I’ve fallen love?

You will know you have fallen love when you will not feel any emotional connection with the person, you won’t enjoy sex with them or their company.

3. How do you let go of a relationship when you don’t want to?

There are times you do not really have a choice because if your partner wants to move on despite all your efforts you have to let go. It’s not easy to do that but you can take some steps to move on too.

9 Ways To Fix A Broken Marriage And Save It

5 Emojis Guys Send Their Girl When In Love

Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband And Why Is He That?

Источник: https://www.bonobology.com/13-signs-to-know-if-a-relationship-is-worth-saving/

10 Signs That Your Relationship Is Worth Keeping

How to Know If Your Relationship Is Worth Saving

Last Updated on July 20, 2021

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which ly includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

Decide on the progress you’d your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this you normally would with a close family or friend. It is having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting.

A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Источник: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-signs-that-your-relationship-worth-keeping.html

IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORTH SAVING?

How to Know If Your Relationship Is Worth Saving

People come to me and say, “We’re going to come to couples therapy and see if this thing works and then we’re going to decide if we’re going to stay together.” But you can’t do it that way. You have to be all in with “We’re going to stay together. I’m putting all my eggs in this basket. I’m all in.

” The waffling and staying on the fence simply drags out therapy and your problems.

You’ll end up blaming your partner, therapy or something else for why it didn’t work, but it’s really because you didn’t make a full commitment and your partner knows so they’re not making one either!

I’m going to repeat something I’ve said quite a few times and you REALLY need to hear me on this:

Your Partner Doesn’t Hear What You Say, They Hear What You Mean.

Your conscious brain processes information at a rate of 50 bits per second while your subconscious brain processes information at a rate of 11 million bits per second. This means that your partner doesn’t hear what you say, they hear what you mean. You can say all the right things but if your unconscious believes something else, that’s what your partner is listening to.

Have you ever been talking to someone at work and they were saying all the right things, but you got the sense that they were full of BS? Or maybe you had a “hunch” that something was going on with your partner even they they were acting everything was fine? That’s you picking up on those 11 million bits versus the 50.

And your partner does it with you too! They’re very tuned in to what you’re “really saying” every time you interact. So, maybe you’ve been working on your marriage. You’ve read a book, taken a workshop or you went to couples counseling and now you’re trying out some new tool or strategy to try to change your relationship.

Consciously you’re thinking, “Yes, this is really going to help!” But, subconsciously, there’s doubt and maybe some resentment.

Your subconscious dialogue goes something this: “We’ve had these problems a long time, it’s going to take forever to make changes and I don’t know if I have it in me!” Or “We’re never going to make changes because my partner refuses to do anything differently!” Or, my favorite, “We make changes, but we always end up slipping back to old behaviors. Nothing ever works!”

Even though this is below the surface, you start using the new tip or technique you learned but your partner picks up on your doubt, resentment, anxiety and hopelessness, which makes them not want to change because it feels the same. They’re picking up on your incongruity. Your partner is subconsciously thinking, “Sure, you’re doing some new things but how long is this going to last? I’m just going to wait it out.”

Then you don’t see the changes you want in your partner (despite all these great changes you’re making) and you think, “See? Nothing works!” And you revert to your same old patterns which leaves your partner thinking that they were right not to waste time trying to do anything differently. This is the cycle that keeps us relationship counselors in business.

Knowing this, you’ve got to make a full commitment. If you’re going to really try to make your relationship work, you’ve got to be fully, 100%, every ounce of your being, committed. To help figure out if you want to make that commitment, download my free Figuring Out Your Commitment worksheet below.

Step 2: Re-program Your RAS

If you’re thinking about breaking up, you’ve ly been spending quite a bit of time focusing on all the things you think are wrong with your partner and your relationship for quite some time. When you start thinking this, you start to see the negative everywhere.

Essentially, you’ll start proving yourself right.

This happens because of a little-known, but very important, part of your brain circuitry, called your reticular activating system or RAS for short. The RAS is a network of neurons located in the brain stem and it’s where most of your senses come in.

Your RAS is a filter between your conscious brain and your subconscious. Specifically, it takes instructions from your conscious mind and passes them on to your subconscious. You’re constantly giving your RAS instructions by what you’re thinking about – the problem is that you don’t even realize it.

So, if you’re thinking, “My partner is always judging and criticizing me,” the RAS hears this as the instruction or order: “Look for my partner criticizing me.”

Sure enough, your partner is “always” criticizing; you hear it constantly. The RAS is also the reason you’ll suddenly notice a lot of pregnant women when you’re pregnant or the amount of Toyota Highlanders on the road after you buy one.

So, if you’re thinking:

  • “If she’d only stop nagging me every day, I could breathe and get to everything on my list,” or
  • “If he’d only stop drinking so much, we’d be great,” or
  • “The only problem in our relationship is his anger.”

You’re essentially telling that RAS to look for nagging, drinking and anger and it will find it…. OFTEN!

And here’s the really scary part (in case I haven’t blown your mind enough): your RAS will also filter out anything that doesn’t match what you’re thinking! So, when your partner is loving, appreciative, thoughtful and kind you won’t see it! This is why you get into those “they said/you said” arguments. “I don’t remember you doing that!” “You didn’t say that!” It’s because your RAS filtered those nice things out and you were left proving yourself “right” over and over.

The good news is that you can deliberately program the RAS by thoughtfully choosing the exact messages you send.

If you really want to find peace, happiness and connection in your relationship, you need to shift what you’re focusing on and be conscious of the orders you’re giving to your RAS. You can do this by writing down one thing you appreciate about your partner every day or do one random act of kindness for your partner every day for the next week.

Here’s another bonus of doing this: thinking these thoughts and doing these nice things will actually result in your partner changing because, when you start acting nice to your partner, they start acting nice to you! As you start to get those 50 bits in line with your 11 million bits, your partner will feel the change and begin to reflect it back – often without even knowing it! 

Step 3: The one in the most pain needs to change first

I say this a lot and I know you don’t to hear it, but I’m here to give you the honest love, not the BS. If you’re waiting for your partner to change, so you’ll change, it’s not going to work. If you’re thinking, “I’m the only one who puts in any effort – they need to put in the effort now” – you’re keeping score and this isn’t going to work.

What’s happening is that your fear is running the show when you’re thinking this. For example, you’d NEVER say this to a little kid! You give love endlessly to your children without feeling hurt or rejected when they don’t return it but, for some reason, we don’t feel that way with our partners!

You’re afraid of being rejected, abandoned, embarrassed and taken advantage of! Insane! How are you building a life with someone – having kids, a mortgage, traveling – when you don’t even trust them not to take advantage of you?

I know what you’re thinking, “But Abby, what if it doesn’t end up working out?” Well, it might not – there are no guarantees. And yes, it’s going to hurt hell if it doesn’t work out.

But you’re hurting now! Better to be on the other side with no regrets, no “what if’s” no “If only I’d tried X,” “I should have done Y” – because that’s going to give you a LIFETIME of hurt instead of a short-term, “I tried and gave my full heart and now it’s time to move on.

” Hurt is part of all relationships! It’s unavoidable. Our partners hurt us even when they don’t mean to. So why are you afraid of this hurt when the payoff can be SO big!?

Step 4: Make room to really work on the relationship

You’re going to need to make both physical and emotional room in your life to work on your relationship and make it a priority.

I’m talking about making the physical time (not sleeping until the last second in the morning and then having no time to connect before your partner leaves for work; not making time to do things together).

And I’m also talking about freeing up some emotional bandwidth! This means that some things are going to have to come off your plate, so you have the mental capacity to take on the big task of turning your relationship around.

Your plate is already very full so where is all this energy going to come from if you don’t change other things? How are you going to act, not react when you’re completely full with everything else? How are you going to keep the urgency going and make your relationship an ongoing priority?

Step 5: Work on Yourself Individually and Stay Curious About Your Partner

Doing the work on yourself is a biggie. You’ve got to identify your triggers.

What’s your attachment style and how does that play in to how you’re being in the relationship? What are your expectations? How has your parents’ relationship affected how you are with your partner? What’s keeping you in this relationship? What’s stopping you from co-creating the relationship you really want? If you don’t think you can get the relationship you really need and want, why are you staying? These are all important things to uncover so you can be mindful and self-aware in this process.

And, at the same time, stay curious and open with your partner. Don’t think you can read their mind and know what they’re thinking or going to do (remember, that RAS will show you that you’re “right,” but it’s skewed. You’re really not right – it’s just all you’ve trained yourself to see).

If needed, get to a therapist and work on your own shit! You’ve got to get your side of the street clean first and foremost. This will help you stay open, curious and loving with your partner.

RESOURCES

The Real Reason Relationships Fail

How to Focus on What’s Right Instead of What’s Wrong in Your Relationship

Keeping Score Makes You Lose

Stop Having Faith in Fear

Willpower and Apps

Dealing with Triggers

How Attached Are You in Your Relationship?

Loving Detachment

3 Steps to Loving Detachment

4 Ways to Be More Self-Aware

How to Make Mindfulness a Consistent Habit

If you’re going to really try to make your relationship work, you’ve got to be fully, 100%, every ounce of your being, committed. To help figure out if you want to make that commitment, download my free Figuring Out Your Commitment worksheet below.

Источник: https://abbymedcalf.com/is-your-relationship-worth-saving/

How To Know If A Relationship Is Worth Saving

How to Know If Your Relationship Is Worth Saving

Hi Celes, may I ask, how would you know if a relationship is worth saving and how would you know if it’s going nowhere? Thank you so much. – Drizzle :-)

Are you at a relationship crossroads? Are you wondering if your relationship with your significant other is worth saving or if it’s going nowhere?

We’ve all been there — a stage where you wonder if this relationship is right for you, whether you should fight for it or give up. When you’re constantly fighting with your SO or when you’re trying so hard to make things work out, it’s normal to doubt yourself and wonder if there is a future in this union.

While every relationship is different, here are 7 signs that your relationship is worth saving.

1) Your partner is trying to make things work

(Image: Everton Vila)

This is the number one sign you need to look for — that your partner is trying to make things work. A relationship can’t thrive if only one half of the union is doing the work.

If you’re the only person who has been trying, who has been showing up for therapy, and who has been doing the work, then clearly something is wrong.

Your partner needs to be on board in healing the relationship, otherwise there is no relationship to speak of.

I have a friend who used to be in a toxic relationship, and one of the clear signs that the relationship was not worth saving was the fact that her boyfriend never put in the effort to make things work.

She was always the one trying to salvage the relationship while her boyfriend did nothing. If that’s you, consider if this is the kind of person you want to be with.

You want to be with someone who genuinely cares for you and puts in the effort to make things work, not someone who doesn’t even blink an eye when the relationship is failing.

2) You still feel love for each other

(Image: NeONBRAND)

It’s easy to suggest breaking up when you’re in the middle of an argument. But ask yourself: Do you still love him/her? And does he/she love you?

If the answer is “yes” to both, then perhaps the relationship is worth saving. It’s not easy to find a relationship where the love is still there after all the struggles. Sometimes there is love at the start but it fizzles out. Sometimes there was never love from the start. If both of you still deeply love each other, cherish this love and give your relationship another chance.

3) You share similar values

(Image: AirCam.PRO)

Do you share the same values? For example, do you have a common long-term vision? Do you value the same things? Do you have the same philosophy and belief in a lot of things?

Even though you may have your differences — and that’s normal as part of any relationship — what determines the long-term potential of a relationship is whether you share the same values.

When you have the same core values as your partner, you have common ground to build your future on and to build a strong, steady relationship.

What you’re going through now may just be a temporary blip and if you manage to work through this problem now, you may well end up with a stronger relationship than ever.

4) There is no one else him/her

(Image: zentilia)

You’ve met many people and there is simply no one else him/her. Despite your differences, when you stop to think, your partner has many good things about him/her.

He/she has many good qualities that you value and adore. He/she is a perfect match with you in many ways. He/she is un anyone you have ever met.

If you let him/her go, you’re not sure if you can ever meet someone him/her again because he/she is one in a million.

5) There is remorse for wrongdoings

(Image: Riccardo Mion)

Maybe your partner did you wrong. Maybe he/she lied, lost his/her temper, or was unreasonable in his/her behavior. Maybe he/she cheated and saw someone behind your back.

If there is any wrongdoing, maintain a clear head and assess the situation. Firstly, is this a mistake you can forgive? Next, has he/she shown remorse for his/her behavior? Lastly, is he/she doing anything about the issue? 

Different people have different thresholds on what they can accept, and you should never stay with someone if he/she did something that you cannot forgive.

But if (a) your partner is remorseful and is taking active steps about the issue, and (b) this mistake is something you can forgive, then consider giving him/her a chance.

If the issue recurs, give your partner an ultimatum and let him/her know that you cannot be together if this issue persists. Give him/her a timeline to work on this issue and assess if things have improved sufficiently by the end of it.

If you’re dealing with deep-seated problems abuse or anger management issues, seek professional help right away. Don’t attempt to deal with it alone.

No matter how much you love your partner, you must always protect and take care of yourself first. Help him/her by first removing yourself from the situation, and then seek professional help.

To save the relationship, you need to work on the roots of the problem.

6) You’ve been through a lot together

(Image: Alex Iby)

Having a shared history shouldn’t be the only reason to stay together, but it is a reason to save the relationship.

After all, if both of you have been through a lot in the past, chances are you have a strong understanding of each other’s s and diss, how each other thinks, and how to best support each other.

Such camaraderie is difficult to find without going through the same hurdles together with someone. If you and your partner have a strong history together, consider if you want to give this relationship another go.

7) Things have been improving, even if slowly

When all you do is argue non-stop with your partner, it’s easy to feel that all is lost and this relationship is a goner.

But take a step back and ask yourself: Have things been improving? Compared to when things were at their worst, have things been improving? Has your partner been listening to your feedback? Is he/she working on the issues between the both of you?

Maybe your partner has a lot of problems and it’s overwhelming you. But if things are improving, even if slowly, then consider giving him/her a chance. Sometimes things may not improve at the speed that you want, but that doesn’t mean that all is lost. Focus on the overall trajectory of the relationship instead.

What if you don’t meet the signs above?

If you don’t meet the signs above, not all is lost. These signs are really meant as a general guide. Ask yourself: Do you love your partner? Is this a relationship worth fighting for? Have you had many good moments together? If so, maybe you want to give your relationship another shot.

If your partner hasn’t been trying and if he/she keeps taking you for granted, then let go — you’re better off with someone who truly appreciates you. Check out my other article Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From A Relationship.

Источник: https://personalexcellence.co/blog/relationship-worth-saving/

Psychologydo
Добавить комментарий

;-) :| :x :twisted: :smile: :shock: :sad: :roll: :razz: :oops: :o :mrgreen: :lol: :idea: :grin: :evil: :cry: :cool: :arrow: :???: :?: :!: