How to Keep Negativity Out of Your Marriage

10 Tips to Avoid Negativity in Marriage

How to Keep Negativity Out of Your Marriage

Most people would agree that negativity in marriage is harmful. It can lead to hurt feelings, emotional distance, and even the breakup of the relationship. Learning how to stop being negative all the time can improve the health of your marriage, and it may even save it.

What is a negative relationship?

A negative relationship or negativity in marriage can be described as a tendency to criticize, whine, and attack your partner. Constant negativity in a relationship may also involve general discontentment, pessimism, and a need for perfection from your partner.

Negativity in marriage may also look constantly fighting with your spouse or frequently complaining.

Another answer to what is a negative relationship is that it is a tendency to always nag your partner and bring negative energy into the relationship, instead of allowing positivity to flow into the marriage.

Is negativity hurting your marriage?

If you are dealing with negativity in marriage, there are chances that the negativity is hurting the marriage.

Relationship experts have warned that for every negative interaction in a relationship, you need five positives in order to counteract it. If most of your interactions are negative with little positivity, this is understandably damaging.

Relationship expert and researcher John Gottman has even concluded that when partners are usually negative toward each other, even a positive interaction between the two of them isn’t perceived as pleasant, because negativity in marriage can begin to override positive interactions.

What this means is that over time, with repeated negativity, partners begin to interpret the entire marriage as negative. This is disastrous for the health of the marriage.

Research supports just how important it is to keep negative energy away from a marriage. In fact, a 2017 study in Developmental Psychology found that the tension that results from negativity in marriage can lead to divorce, especially among wives who perceive a high level of tension in the marriage.

When there is tension from constant negativity in a relationship, it can certainly hurt a marriage.

If you find that you and your partner are constantly critical of each other and tend to attack each other instead of interacting positively, you may be a victim of negativity in marriage.

Are you naturally negative?

Unfortunately, some people may be naturally negative. Perhaps they witnessed this behavior growing up and learned to be negative themselves. In other cases, negativity can become a habit. Here are some signs that you might be naturally negative:

  • You tend to be perfectionistic, and if something is not perfect, you criticize it.
  • You are critical of others and tend to view events from a negative vantage point.
  • When your partner or children ask you for something, your default response is usually no rather than yes.
  • Most of the time, you are in a bad mood.
  • You spend a lot of time dwelling on bad events or painful memories, rather than moving forward and focusing on the positive.

If some or all of these statements describe you, it is ly that you tend to be innately negative.

This could be harmful to your relationship. On the other hand, perhaps your spouse or significant other shows some of these signs. Either way, these behaviors are linked to negativity in marriage and can be rather damaging.

Convert negative thinking to positive thinking

If you find that you are naturally negative, you are probably wondering how to stop being negative in a relationship. You can achieve this and be more positive in a relationship by reframing your thoughts.

Try some of the following to stop being negative all the time:

Take time each day to make a list, whether mentally or on paper, of at least three things you are grateful for that day.

Spend time together by finding a common interest or hobby. This will build trust and add to the list to quality time between you two.

Sometimes, when people are highly critical of themselves, they become critical and negative toward others.

Be patient and be open to new ideas or suggestions your partner suggests regarding any matter.

When he or she does something helpful or achieves something meaningful at work, be sure to express appreciation or offer praise.

When you are around others who tend to be positive, you can learn to be more positive yourself.

Instead of being quick to complain or criticize when your partner makes a mistake, make an effort to be forgiving and recognize that no one is perfect.

When you engage in regular exercise, follow a healthy diet, and get plenty of sleep, you may find that you are more equipped to avoid negativity.

If you find that you cannot change your attitude in a relationship despite making efforts to be less negative, it may be time to seek professional help from a counselor or therapist to learn strategies for overcoming negativity.

Maybe you are dealing with some unresolved psychological issues or are not coping well with stressors, and a licensed mental health professional can help you to uncover and find healthier ways of managing these issues.

You may even find that your own insecurities are leading you to be critical and negative toward your spouse, and a therapist can help you to see yourself more positively, which in turn will benefit your marriage.

How do you stay positive in a negative relationship?

If you are struggling because your wife is always angry and negative, or you cannot help but think, “my husband is always negative,” there are things you can do to stay positive and keep negative energy away from you. Consider the following strategies:

  1. Surround yourself with positive people, so you are not brought down by negativity in marriage.
  2. Try to remain calm and avoid overreacting when your partner is negative or critical.
  3. Do not view your partner’s negativity as a personal attack; remember that someone who is constantly negative may be doing so habit, learned behavior, or because they are dealing with their own insecurities or psychological issues.
  4. Reach out to your spouse and invite them to do a fun activity or engage in something enjoyable, such as a walk together after dinner, once per week to try to build a positive connection.
  5. When your partner accomplishes something, be sure to acknowledge it. By modeling positivity in this way, you may also encourage your partner to be more positive. Compliments can also help your partner to overcome insecurities that may be leading them to be negative.
  6. If you find that you are struggling with unpleasant emotions as a result of negativity in marriage, you may benefit from seeking counseling to help you cope.

While negativity in marriage can be damaging, and it can be difficult to be on the receiving end of it, remember that you cannot control your partner or change their behavior.

It can be hard not to take your spouse’s negativity personally, but you can stay positive by taking care of your own needs and doing things that make you happy. Hopefully, your partner will learn ways to be less negative, but you are only responsible for your own behavior.

Sometimes, reacting in a nonchalant manner to your partner’s negativity may even be helpful.

For instance, if your partner is criticizing you or blaming you for something that is not your fault, there is no need to defend yourself or accept the blame. Simply move along, and don’t let it affect you. Your partner may change their tune when they realize that negativity doesn’t get a reaction.

It is also helpful to remember that your positive energy can counteract your partner’s negativity.

Recognize your own strengths and values, and cultivate your own positivity. This puts you in a better position to cope with your partner’s criticism and to help your partner deal with whatever is going on with them that is leading to such negativity.

10 ways to keep negativity your marriage

While negativity in relationships is certainly harmful, there are ways to keep negative energy away, as well as ways of how to stop being negative in a relationship.

Here are ten ways to keep negativity your marriage:

1. Counteract negative interactions with positive ones

Remember, marriage experts argue that a couple needs five positive interactions to overcome negative exchanges. When you find yourself being negative or critical toward your partner, be careful to follow this negativity with plenty of positivity.

2. Have open communication with your partner

Allow your partner to express when they feel hurt by your behavior, and be willing to talk to your partner when they have been overly critical or hypersensitive.

3. Make time for fun together

Marriage can be difficult, but when you spend time doing enjoyable activities together, you strengthen your connection and make room for more positivity.

4. Accept your partner’s imperfections

No one is perfect. We all have flaws, and there are things about us that annoy our partner, and visa-versa. Avoid the urge to nit pick your partner’s flaws, as this only invites negativity into the relationship.

5. Take time to let your partner know you appreciate them

This is a prime example of how to not be negative. Everyone wants to feel valued, and when you take time to praise your partner or express gratitude for what they do for you, they will be ly to reciprocate, leading to being more positive in a relationship.

6. Let go of grudges

You can detect negative energy in a person when they are constantly bringing up past wrongdoings. Keep negativity in marriage at bay by letting go of grudges. When you forgive your partner for a mistake, don’t bring it up repeatedly or throw it in their face during a future argument.

7. Don’t make any room for jealousy in your relationship

When you find yourself feeling jealous toward your partner, you are opening the door to negativity. If you are jealous of your partner or feel the need to compete, you may find yourself wanting to bring them down in order to feel better.

Instead of being jealous, practice being happy for your partner when they accomplish something.

In the short video below, Matthew Hussey says jealousy arises comparison. He further explains tips to overcome jealousy and remain positive.

8. Stop comparing your marriage to other people’s relationships

Each relationship is unique, and if you are constantly comparing your partner to someone else or reminding your partner of how they fall short, you are asking for negativity.

Appreciate your partner for their strengths, and remember that in some ways, other couples may compare themselves to you.

9. Appreciate the value of humor

Laughing together is a great way to counteract negativity in relationships. Take time to tell jokes or see the humor in everyday life.

10. Make an effort to be kind to your partner

Practice compassion when they are struggling or have made a mistake, and be careful to use kind words, rather than being critical. It may sound cliche, but when you treat your partner with the kindness that you also want to receive, you will ly get kindness in return. 

This is a great way to avoid negativity and its consequences for a marriage.


Negativity in marriage is damaging. It involves frequent criticism, pessimism, and conflict between spouses. Over time, negativity can take such a hold that it seems as if the entire marriage is negative. This level of tension can lead to unhappiness and eventually divorce.

Fortunately, there are ways of how to deal with negativity in marriage. If you find that you are the one who is always negative toward your spouse, you can reframe your thinking by giving affirmations to your partner, correcting negative self-talk, and practicing gratitude. 

If you are on the receiving end of your partner’s negativity, there are ways of how to stay positive in a negative environment, such as surrounding yourself with positive people and trying to invite your partner to do something fun together.

Ultimately, marriages are strongest when you keep negative energy away and practice kindness with your partner, but if you find that negativity is damaging your marriage despite your efforts to cope with it, you and your spouse may benefit from working with a relationship therapist to learn how to deal with negativity.


Freeing Your Marriage From The Negativity of Anxiety — Carolina Counseling Services — Southern Pines & Pinehurst

How to Keep Negativity Out of Your Marriage

All relationships are challenged by a number of hurdles. Couples usually have areas of differences and incompatibilities, and each of these differences can test most marriages. There are ways to build a strong marriage, but if you are feeling a strain on your relationship, anxiety may be driving a wedge into it.

Whether you or your spouse has an anxiety disorder, you may experience periods of panic, fear and a general sense of tension. The challenges couples normally come across may become exaggerated due to anxiety.

An anxiety disorder can cause you or your partner to become self-absorbed and imprisoned by the thought that you are unlovable or incapable of love.

Anxiety can ruin your relationship by overpowering your judgment in deciding whether being in a committed bond is a source of comfort or pain. An anxiety disorder has the power to extinguish your ability to love.

Being Married to Anxiety

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) conducted a study on the impact of anxiety on relationships. Although the target respondents were suffering from generalized anxiety disorder or GAD, the findings may be similar in all types of anxiety disorder.

The study concludes that there is a lesser probability for GAD-affected individuals to stay in a healthy and supportive intimate relationship than people without GAD.

It reveals that anxiety has a negative effect on relationships, with issues such as regular arguments, withdrawal from social activities, and loss of intimacy as the common problems experienced by seven ten respondents.

With anxiety standing between you and your spouse, it can cause fear or worry that may paralyze you and make you oblivious to you and your partner’s true needs. The overwhelming feelings can make it difficult to pay attention to what is happening in the relationship, and make your partner feel you do not care. Anxiety can break down the elements of trust and connection in your relationship.

Anxiety can crush your ability to express your true feelings. Keeping your feelings or emotions bottled up may eventually spiral control, causing you to be overwhelmed and defensive over the little attention or space you are getting. Allowing your thoughts or fears to circulate in your mind may drain your energy and make your anxiety even stronger.

The self-absorbing power of anxiety can lead you to focus too much on your perceived concerns or worries. The excessive and irrational fears you feel may put unnecessary strain on your relationship and keep you from being a compassionate partner.

If your spouse is the one with an anxiety disorder, you may resent your partner’s limiting feelings and ability to perform his or her marital duties.

At the same time, you may react in selfish ways as you take on the larger share of responsibilities while caring for both an anxious partner and the household.

Anxious feelings or thoughts can make it difficult to experience the pleasant joy of intimacy. The negativity that fills your mind can impair your ability to be present within your relationship and deprive you of the joy, comfort, safety, excitement, hope, and gratitude vital to a healthy marriage.

Treatment Options for an Anxiety-laden Marriage

Sharing an intimate relationship with someone with an anxiety disorder can take a toll on your psychological and emotional health.

During this difficult time, it is important to properly care for your own well-being so you can remain a strong source of support for your anxious loved one.

In order to maintain this, you may benefit from counseling and access the help available for the anxiety-related issues weighing you down.

If your relationship is being threatened by anxiety, it makes sense to manage anxiety symptoms through comprehensive marriage counseling. Many therapists see the advantage and necessity in including both spouses in the treatment plan, and offer marriage/couples/family counseling to address the issues within the family context.

Strengthening the Bond Weakened by Anxiety

Anxiety can have a negative impact on relationships. It is difficult to live with someone with over reactive sentiments who is on edge most of the time. Whether you or your spouse have an anxiety disorder, it is important not to be weakened by the overpowering symptoms of anxiety. Anxiety can be a serious, long term struggle that can rob you of marital happiness.

There is no need to wait until anxiety damages your marriage. You have the power to fight back by seeking specialized professional intervention to help you get off the path of anxiety.

You need an ally in your relationship to help you or your spouse shift to a new and positive way of understanding.

Contact Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC and be matched with an independently contracted right fit therapist. You may call, text or email. Don’t wait, call now.

  • Managing Anxiety through Marriage Counseling


9 Clever Ways to Deal with Negative People

How to Keep Negativity Out of Your Marriage

“The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

After years and years of observation and self-reflection, I came to the realization that the best way to face life’s challenges is to take a good look at yourself, assume responsibility for whatever it is that you are thinking, feeling and living.

“If you don’t something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

For example, if you are interacting with negative people and these are people you have to deal with on a regular basis – a friend, spouse, a family member or someone you work with, you should never allow their negativity to affect you and what’s most important, you should never blame them if it does.

Never give your power away by blaming others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel.

The moment you do, you become a victim of your circumstances and instead of using your time and energy to overcome life’s challenges, you will get lost in the problems and you will get stuck in a really dark and unhappy place for a very long time.

Today I want to share with you 9 clever ways to deal with the negativity that comes your way from those you love and care about in a more positive and effective way.

1. Ownership.

Go from being a victim, from blaming, judging and criticizing to assuming full responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings. Take a different approach to how you deal with their negativity.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”  ~Carl Jung

Don’t say:  They are draining my energy; they are making me unhappy; their negative energy is polluting my mind, my body and my life, but rather…

Say: How can I use this situation to my advantage? What am I doing wrong? How can I improve this situation? How can I make my positive energy bigger than their negative energy? How can I heal this situation, myself and the people involved? What can I learn from all of this?

2. attracts .

attracts and whether we it or not, we attract in our lives people, events, situations that mirror our internal state of being.

How are you feeling on a regular basis? Are you feeling happy, excited, grateful, loving or are you feeling cranky, judgmental, negative, and frustrated?

I had a period when I was projecting my own unhappiness on to those around me and because of that, all I could see was mean and unhappy people. Funny thing, the moment I recovered, the moment I shifted from unhappy to happy, they changed too


Is Negativity Hurting Your Marriage?

How to Keep Negativity Out of Your Marriage

Too much of anything can become a bad thing. We need moderation to keep the balance in our relationships, self-talk, marriages, and so on. Asking the question “Is negativity hurting my marriage?” shows some great self-awareness and motivation to figure out how negativity can affect relationships.

What are you working with?

  1. Do you or your spouse see what hasn’t been done when you get home first?
  2. Do you see more things you or your spouse can improve on than what you or they are doing right?
  3. When things are tough, do you or your spouse feel it’s only going to get worse?
  4. Do you or your spouse talk down about each other to other people?

If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, let’s see if there’s a perspective shift you can lean into so we can replace some negativity with positivity!

In an article for Thriveworks, Taylor Bennett interviewed Matthew Solomon, a Love and Happiness Coach who specializes in relationships, communication, and negativity and why it’s important to be aware of it.

1. Acknowledge the negative mindset. 

If you’re this far into the blog, chances are you’re being proactive or looking for a way to deal with the negativity in your marriage.

Acknowledging is the first step for really any issue you may face. No one can fix a problem or meet an expectation they don’t know is there.

By being mindful of what’s happening between you and your spouse, you’re setting yourself up to take the next step.

2. Understand the why behind negative thoughts.

Psychological research shows negativity bias can explain why we have an aptitude to see the negative more easily. 

“Earlier in human history, paying attention to bad, dangerous, and negative threats in the world was literally a matter of life and death. Those who were more attuned to danger and who paid more attention to the bad things around them were more ly to survive.” 

In another article by The Atlantic, researchers, led by Geraldine Downey, address negativity’s impact on a marriage and whether a marriage is successful. 

They found that people who are insecure were more ly to act negatively their sense of protection from rejection. “Their own fear of rejection no doubt intensified the distress they felt, because for them an argument wasn’t just about a specific issue but a sign of deep problems and an ominous signal that the relationship was in jeopardy.” 

You don’t want to just survive your marriage, you want to thrive in it. However, to thrive, you have to do more than see the negativity that’s hurting your marriage; you must overcome it, find the root of what is causing the spiral, and slow it down so it doesn’t take the good parts down with it. 

3. Choose new thoughts that benefit you (and your spouse).

When you want the best for yourself and your spouse, it takes an active willingness and effort to improve. Some great ways to get yourself in the mindset (and with time, habit) of seeing the good, positive things are by choosing to do things to serve your marriage. 

Try implementing these tips into your marriage:

  • Do not take negativity personally.
  • If your spouse rejects your offers of help, it’s okay.
  • Spend time with positive people who are for your marriage.
  • Invite your spouse to do some fun activity with you at least once a week.
  • Acknowledge your partner’s positive accomplishments and efforts.
  • Encourage your partner to try new things.

Sometimes it’s hard finding the right words to say or refraining from saying things you want to say, but know negativity won’t help in the long run—and acknowledging that some work still needs to be done is okay.

If we’re honest with ourselves, anything worth having takes time, energy, and practice. A healthy, happy marriage is worth having.

Have the tough conversations, try to stay positive, and celebrate the little wins as you reach them!

Additional Resources:

***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse.

At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233.

For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***

Image from

Did this blog give you the information you were looking for and give you tools to help improve your relationships?


Добавить комментарий

;-) :| :x :twisted: :smile: :shock: :sad: :roll: :razz: :oops: :o :mrgreen: :lol: :idea: :grin: :evil: :cry: :cool: :arrow: :???: :?: :!: