- Move Out to Move On: Tips for Moving Out After a Breakup or Divorce
- React quickly when you sense a breakup is coming
- Seek legal counsel when kids and pets are involved
- Reach out to people you can trust
- How to Move Out After a Breakup
- Know your rights and responsibilities when it comes to moving out
- Find a temporary place to go as you sort out where you'll live next
- Quickly pack the essentials without spending money you need for other things
- Get your stuff from Point A to Point B with help and/or a little crafty thinking
- ORIGINAL REPORTING ON EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS IN YOUR INBOX
- Guide: How to Handle Break-Ups
- Easy Move-Out after a Breakup
- Foreseeing a Breakup? Be Ready
- There’s no Point Arguing over who owns what
- Get a Safe Place to Crash immediately After Moving Out
- Study the Situation and Arrange your Moving out Accordingly
- Are Pets or Kids Involved? Consider a Safe Place for them
- Get People to help you through the Breakup and Moving out
- Seek Legal Assistance when in Doubt or Confused when Moving out after Breakup
- Do not Move Stuff you don’t need to Minimize your Load
- Confide in People you Trust, and you can Depend on
- Moving out with Professional’s Help
- Moving On: Moving Out After a Breakup or Divorce
- See a Breakup Coming? Be Prepared
- Have a Safe Space to Crash After You Move Out
- Read the Room, and Plan Your Move Out Accordingly
- Have Kids or Pets? Decide Where They’re Going
- Don’t Handle Moving Out After a Breakup Alone
- When in Doubt, Seek Legal Help for Your Post-Divorce Move Out
- Take Only What You Need (And Think About Minimizing Your Stuff)
- Reach Out to Help You Can Trust
- Related Posts
Move Out to Move On: Tips for Moving Out After a Breakup or Divorce
Breaking up with a partner is (almost) always difficult and heartbreaking. Oftentimes, it proves to be too painful, too complicated and too tough to handle, especially after a long relationship or after a divorce.
If you’ve recently watched a movie where two people end their relationship with a no-hard-feelings type of a goodbye handshake and sweet promises to remain friends after the separation, then remember that it was just a movie and reality is a bit different than that.
Moving out after a breakup is often viewed as the ultimate challenge to overcome due to the fact that it combines two of the most stressful events in life: a breakup (divorce) and a house move.
Depending on the specific circumstances in your case, the relationship breakup and resulted move out scenario can range from being a living nightmare to an anxious yet logical end, anticipated and accepted by both partners.
To survive a breakup and a move at the same time (Why is moving house so hard?), you’d better pay attention to the following pieces of advice on how to move out after a breakup or divorce.
React quickly when you sense a breakup is coming
Some relationship breakups end rather abruptly while others have had alarm bells ringing for quite some time. Therefore, if you happen to suspect that a breakup with your partner has been brewing in the distance, the first thing you should do is start getting ready for the approaching storm.
When living together with a partner, a breakup or a divorce will mean that one of you will have to move out. Under specific circumstances, both of you will need to move out.
Either way, you can no longer stay together as a couple, and assuming that you’ll be the one having to leave that place soon, then your top priority should be to plan your escape in the best possible way.
And often, the best way means quickly and with minimum drama.
Even if the breakup scenario has come without any advance warning, the quicker you respond to the newly-created situation, the better your chances will be of pulling off an emergency move without further complications such as a melodramatic separation scenario full of extreme uncontrollable emotions and unpredictable behavior patterns from both sides.
You should know your partner well enough to know roughly what to expect from them: do you foresee a fairly peaceful breakup or a devastating hurricane of hard feelings?
Ultimately, moving out after breakup is all about damage limitation.
- Stealth move. When you have ended a bad relationship, you may choose to move out in Stealth Mode – cautiously, several boxes at a time, so that your partner can’t make it more dramatic than it already is.That’s a viable option when 1) you’re breaking up with a person who you know will probably make a scene on the day of the move, and 2) you’re moving locally, not across the country.
- Clean break. The best option to move out after a breakup is to do it very quickly as if you were removing a Band-Aid from a cut. To do a clean break, hire top-rated movers to come, pack and transport your belongings in one go. This is a great option when you want to escape far away – that is, move to another city or state across the country.Consider taking a day off work and getting it done within that same day while your partner is not present in the home. This way, you’ll save yourself a cocktail of overwhelming emotions of a prolonged move-out scenario.
- Mutual breakup. There are no ideal scenarios during a relationship breakup or divorce, but a mutual breakup comes pretty close. When both parties feel that separation is the only way out, then neither of them should try to complicate matters more than they already are.Make sure you coordinate the move with your ex to form a plan of action that should work well for everyone.
20 Things To Do Before Moving: The Ultimate Checklist
Moving away after a breakup or divorce will also mean going through the hassle of dividing up your shared belongings. Now, it can be pretty tempting to take with you everything that you’ve ever spent money on, especially if you feel you’ve been wronged in any way by your ex. Don’t do it.
Even when you’re doing it in an attempt to spite your ex-spouse or ex-partner (Revenge is a dish best served cold!), moving too many items after the separation can easily turn out to be a mistake from practical, financial and emotional points of view. Just think about it for a moment and you’ll hopefully see the logic behind it.
So, who gets what? Here are some tips to make the process of sharing your mutual belongings as smooth and hassle-free as possible.
- Don’t get too greedy. As you probably know, you and your ex will be entitled to divide evenly everything that you purchased together. In case he or she wants to keep something, then you should get compensated for it. And vice versa.But here’s the thing: it won’t be fair of you to have your ex-partner pay half of the original cost – instead, factor in the wear and tear that that item has had over the years.
- Firesteed and Silverine are coming with you. End of discussion.Don’t argue over who gets what. It can be truly heartbreaking to sit down and divide all the things you were meant to enjoy together with that one person. The best way to do it is to NOT sweat the small stuff and take only the things that you really love, care about and intend to use in the future. Is it sensible to lug big and heavy furniture across the country and then pay more for their transportation than the pieces are worth?Try hard not to turn that important task into another battle that can’t be won.
- Start anew. For better or worse, the relationship has ended and now it’s time to focus on the future. Try to see the move-out as a new opportunity to start anew by leaving behind most objects that are ly to evoke negative associations and trigger bitter memories.
In case you run into disputes or problems when dividing up the shared belongings, you can turn to a lawyer to assist you.
Moving to a New State Guide, Checklist, and Tips
Seek legal counsel when kids and pets are involved
Without a doubt, the most challenging aspect of moving out after a breakup is what you’re going to do with children and co-owned pets. The well-being of your kids should be your number one priority after a breakup or divorce so you just must find a solution that works best for everyone.
It’s imperative that you always seek legal counsel when you have a child or children with the person you’ve broken up with. That is something you just have to do without delay because if you don’t, you could run the risk of losing custody of your child or children in the future, and that’s NOT something that you’d ever want to happen.
If you just ended a negative or even abusive relationship, then finding legal advice is even more important than ever. Lawyers should be able to help you get legal custody of your children so that you can move out to another city or another state after a breakup and start again with a clean slate.
Once it’s been decided who your children will be staying with, the next step is to do your best to maintain their routine and even a sense of normality, if that’s even possible considering the tough period they will have to go through as well as a result of the breakup or divorce. You, as a parent, should make sure that their daily schedules and activities remain as unchanged as possible to help them adapt more quickly to the major changes in their lives.
The same is roughly true for any pets you own together with your ex-partner. Do what’s best for your pet animals in terms of who will be able to take better care of them in the future. Cats and dogs are creatures of habit so you’re going to have to find a way to keep their routine fairly unchanged as well.
Moving Checklist: The Greatest Moving Checklist of All Time
Reach out to people you can trust
Moving to a new place after a breakup or divorce is not something you should be left to handle all on your own. The emotional strain of having ended a (long) relationship will have its negative effect on your body as well, so in most cases, you’ll also feel physically drained and definitely not in great shape to pull off a successful self-move.
During such a difficult period, the emotional and physical support of friends and family members is critical. Therefore, until you can move into a new place and call it your own, you’re going to have to rely on friendly assistance more than ever.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to your pals and ask them for help – just any type of help will be more than welcome.
- ASK your good friends to come over and help you pack and move your things. That’s right – let friends help you move. Remember to take with you only the most cherished items and consider leaving behind all objects that will trigger bitter(sweet) memories of your recently ended relationship.
- Moving out after a breakup is a Herculean task, so don’t do it entirely on your own.SURROUND yourself with people you trust so that you can get the emotional support you need to survive that tough move. That way, you’ll be able to discuss the situation with your best pals, share with them your feelings, and maybe even get good advice from someone who may have already gone through a similar type of ordeal.Hopefully, having people you love and trust by your side will help you move on after the breakup or divorce.
- GET the timing right to prevent additional problems for you. Have your friends give you a hand during a period when your ex-partner won’t be home to avoid awkward moments or possible disputes and fights in front of your pals.
- ASK your best friends if you can stay with any of them for a while in case you haven’t found a place to move to and you know that you just can’t stay in the current house or apartment another minute.However, if you have to do this, don’t tell your ex-partner where you’re going as you won’t want to get your good friend involved in your post-breakup drama.
How to choose a moving company
Bear in mind that, with all the strong emotions after a breakup, sometimes you just won’t have the mental energy to open up to your friends, so you may decide not to get your pals involved in the post-breakup move in any way. In such cases, you’ll just wish for it all to be done and over with as soon as possible so that you can be in a new place, on your own, and with your own thoughts.
And if that’s what you want and need, then your choice is clear: hire professional movers to help you move out after a breakup or divorce. You won’t need to explain anything to anyone either.
Posted on Tuesday, January 14, 2020, Last updated on October 7, 2020
How to Move Out After a Breakup
When commitment feels rare and everyone’s lonely, Change of Heart is a Valentine's Week investigation of what makes relationships so hard—and how they can be better.
Nothing is worse than moving, right? Almost: Nothing is worse than moving… as fast as you can a home shared with someone who is suddenly your ex.
Whether or not it's explosive, a breakup with a live-in partner is still pretty dramatic by nature, so it makes sense that undergoing one would mean you probably want or need to move out ASAP.
(If you feel you’re in danger, stop reading this and find help to protect your immediate safety instead.)
Moving is understood to be so terrible because it's expensive, time-consuming, stressful, and all-around nightmarish, and especially so if you're doing it at warp speed while you're already dealing with heartbreak. Here's how to get out as fast as you can with minimal damage.
Know your rights and responsibilities when it comes to moving out
You share a place with your ex, but how exactly do you share it? Is your name on the lease? If it isn’t, your credit won't be affected by this aspect of a sudden move.
If your name is on the lease, though, you're legally entitled to be at your place, so you don’t necessarily have to leave right away just because your ex is insisting on it or because being there is awkward.
But if your sanity requires an immediate departure: Talk to your landlord first and explain that you’re moving ASAP. There’s no need to get into why if you don’t want to talk about it—your landlord is a businessperson, and this is a business situation.
“If you absolutely have to break your lease, it’s best to work with your landlord as much as possible to avoid any further negative consequences,» said Brittney Castro, Certified Financial Planner with Mint and Turbo.
If you break or violate a lease and simply vanish, you may be subject to a lease-breaking fee, and/or forfeit your security deposit—either or both may undercut your immediate and future financial stability, too.
That's not to say you shouldn't ever do it, but make sure the years of impact it may have on your credit mean leaving immediately is actually worth it to you.
If your ex is on the lease, too, you can consider whether signing it over to them or coming to some other agreement on rent are viable. It's in your ex's best interests to work with you on a solution, explained Shannon McLay, CEO and founder of The Financial Gym.
“If you share your place with someone else and their name is also on the lease, and they continue to make the full rent payments without you, then this wouldn’t negatively affect your credit,» McLay said.
«But if you were living with someone and that person also stops paying rent, you both could see some damage to your credit scores, and you could end up getting sued.”
Sara Rathner, credit cards expert at NerdWallet, agreed. “If your landlord reported your rent payments to the three credit bureaus»—these are Equifax, Experian and TransUnion —»leaving them in the lurch by skipping payments won’t do your credit score any favors.
This can come back to haunt you the next time you try to rent an apartment and need a reference, or even if you apply for a mortgage, and not just because of the potential to lower your credit score.
Mortgage lenders ask for proof of 12 months of on-time rent payments to verify that you reliably pay your housing costs.
“Your lease is a legally binding agreement,” continued Rathner. “If you break it, your landlord can absolutely sue you. If they win, that can leave a mark on your credit report for up to 10 years.
Plus, you’ll be out a lot of money — probably more than if you had broken the lease in a way that was in line with what was spelled out in the lease agreement, which often involves paying a month of rent.
An unaccounted-for move could still haunt you when you get your bearings and want to rent an apartment, buy a house, or even just buy a crappy used Nissan on a payment plan.
If you’re not sure what to do and think you might need to talk with a lawyer or get other support, it’s possible that your company offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which offers different kinds of professional help to employees who are having personal issues (, for example, this one).
An EAP counselor will ly be able to connect you with a lawyer in your area who can work with you at a discounted hourly rate.
Find a temporary place to go as you sort out where you'll live next
If you don’t have a long-term place where you can go immediately, you’ll need a place to crash in the meantime.
If you have close friends or family who might be OK with letting you stay, hit 'em up! But don’t take advantage of someone else’s goodwill—make sure you set a firm length of time for your stay (e.g.
, “I’ll be out by March 5”) or break up the amount of time you need to couch-surf by staying at several people’s places, if possible.
If you can’t stay with friends or family, try asking in local social media groups you might be in ( book clubs or sports groups) if anyone knows anyone who might have a place you could stay (again, with guaranteed leave-by dates) or asking your social networks if anyone knows a place you could stay for not-very-much money. A friend of a friend might have an empty room and understand what you’re going through, or know of a great (and cheap!) AirBnB in the area that’s available.
Quickly pack the essentials without spending money you need for other things
Don’t buy boxes—that’s a fantastic way to spend $100 on garbage. Instead, repurpose other people's garbage, boxes from grocery and liquor stores. You can also nab a stack of daily free newspapers for wrapping material on nearly any street corner in big cities. This stuff was going to be recycled anyway, and now you have free moving supplies!
Go to the kitchen-and-house stuff aisle of your nearest store and buy the highest-quality trash bags they have. You want the good shit—something with a name Hefty DragonSteelFlex or Glad UltraProfessionalTitaniumPowerBag.
These kinds of trash bags are usually black and could easily hold and lift bodies without even stretching.
Buy at least two boxes if you're packing up mostly bedroom things and around-the-house miscellany, and add two more boxes for each room that has a lot of your stuff in it.
Trash bags are incredible for moving your closet, even if you have all the time in the world. Keep your clothes on the hanger, roll them over the hanger once or twice, and stuff them in trash bags.
You can pack a whole wardrobe in a few minutes, and when you get to wherever you’re moving, your clothes will be ready to hang. Throw your shoes and bags and accessories into the trash bags, too.
(Just make sure you can physically lift the trash bags as you're packing them.)
Coats, bedding, sweaters, sheets, T-shirts: Don’t toss them in the trash bags yet. You need this stuff, because this is how you’re going to wrap anything breakable.
What needs wrapping? Knicknacks, fancy candles, your crystal collection… do you have dishes in the kitchen you’re attached to? Funny coffee mugs? Wrap everything breakable in the clothes from your dresser and bedding from your room and pack them in your liquor store boxes.
When you’re done with breakable items, just throw every book, game, kitchen utensil, and shower product you own in more bags. But make sure you keep extremely valuable-to-you things and/or essentials birth certificates, etc. in a special suitcase, bag, or box that looks different from the others, along with stuff you’ll need immediately, your face wash and a towel.
In terms of furniture: If you’re on speaking terms with your now-ex, ask them if you can keep the bulk of your stuff there until you’re able to get it all out. There’s no need to put undue stress on yourself unless you absolutely must. See if you can come back for your stuff once you find a permanent place to land.
Otherwise: Was a lot of your stuff found in thrift stores, IKEA, and alleyways? Leave it. The path of least resistance (and fewer moving fees, if you're paying movers) is to relinquish everything you can afford to, or that isn't 100 percent yours.
It’ll be more expensive and time-consuming to move it than to leave it behind. Unless the furniture is (a) inarguably your right to take, (b) something you consider necessary that you won't be able to replace for less than the cost of moving it, or (c) extremely special to you, let it go.
Eventually, you will find a replacement.
Get your stuff from Point A to Point B with help and/or a little crafty thinking
Hire movers if you can afford it; otherwise, call literally anyone who loves you (or owes you a favor) and ask, beg, or extend bribes them to help you move. Offer money to the people helping if you can, and at least beer and pizza if you can’t.
Support from even one friend, family member, or different ex is better than you trying to move everything all on your own and getting so tired and sad that you start crying in the middle of your apartment while sniffing your ex’s winter scarf, surrounded by the trash bags that hold everything you own in this world.
If no one is available to help and you can’t afford full-service professional movers on a short timeline (and some of them won’t move trash bags, anyway—be sure to ask), you can still move. Think about renting a pickup truck from Home Depot, or renting a car or van from a place Avis or Enterprise. You could even take things over in Uber XLs, as long as you tip heavily.
It sucks you’re going through this—but at the very least, you know it'll be over with fast, because it has to be. Your life might be in the trash at the moment—but, soon enough, you're going to be OK.
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ORIGINAL REPORTING ON EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS IN YOUR INBOX
Guide: How to Handle Break-Ups
Breaking-up a relationship, whether in its formative months or decades old, is a very sad moment for both parties. Whether it is three months or three decades old, it is a very tough task that can be even tougher when the two partners have been living together for a long time.
There are two scenarios involved in the entire process; breakup and moving out. Children or pets jointly owned by the couple must be considered in the preparation. Properties sharing can be mutually agreed upon, or a lawyer may be involved depending on the nature of the break-up.
However, moving out after a break-up can take several forms, but there are some generally accepted practices that are usually employed.
Moving Feedback packaged this article after careful series of research which is experiences shared by people from diverse backgrounds ranging from professionals in the field, family law consultants to relationship experts to personal experiences shared by people who already experienced a breakup and moved after that. We will follow it step by step to ensure nothing is missed out.
Easy Move-Out after a Breakup
While undergoing a sad moment due to breaking up with your partner, you can achieve a hitch-free move-out as much as possible. Recommended below are the best possible ways to move after divorce or break-up:
Foreseeing a Breakup? Be Ready
Be prepared early if you’re foreseeing an impending break-up. You can start by gathering your vital documents, e.g., passport, banking details, birth certificates, social security documents, etc.
and hide them somewhere safe and easily accessible a family or trusted friend’s house or in your care as recommended by Tori Buckley, an expert relationship counsel.
This became even more important if you’re breaking up with an easily angered and aggressive partner.
There’s no Point Arguing over who owns what
It’s a normal thing to share your stuff eventually after a breakup. Naturally, some stuff belongs to and remains with either party especially if such were acquired before the relationship or were acquired for personal use. Also, gift items given to your Ex definitely belongs to them.
Whenever there’s an argument over who takes what, it is better to let it go even if it is a souvenir or a unique personal item because it’s worthless and unhealthy to argue over stuff that.
It’s however worthy to know that you’ve initiated a separation; walking away as easy as possible is essential to start a new life happily, and be thankful that you own things to be fought over.
Tangible stuff including TVs, sound systems, cars, and any other kinds of stuff that you can’t sell and you’re not paying off debt on; you can let your partner have them if sharing such will bring acrimony.
While it is important not to move out with the feeling of being short-changed, it’s also very vital not to start bickering over material things. However, in a case where it is a joint effort, an attorney can be of help.
Get a Safe Place to Crash immediately After Moving Out
Getting a comfortable and secure place to sleep immediately after moving out is very important. This becomes necessary so as to help you relieve stresses associated with break-ups and to help you resettle quickly. You can also stay with somebody temporarily.
However, you may not want your ex-partner to know where you’ll be staying if your break-up was on a sarcastic note, else, he/she may show-up unexpectedly to create a scene at your friends/family’s place which may not be a good thing.
Study the Situation and Arrange your Moving out Accordingly
Is your break-up on a mutual basis with a peaceful moving out? Or is it going to be acrimonious with fighting and yelling expected over-sharing of your stuff? Though it’s impossible to accurately predict what’ll happen, you can expect anything possible and be ready for whichever way it comes.
Below are some possible scenarios you may expect and be prepared for:
- Mutual Breakup: Sometimes, a relationship may end on a mutual ground or with a good ending. In this kind of situation, it’s good to arrange your moving-out with the other person even if the two of you aren’t communicating well to avoid an acrimonious ending. This was the advice given by a Family Health Expert; Caleb Backe.
- Exiting by Covertness: Moving out unnoticed will be your case if your partner is abusive and the marriage is ending on a sour note. Don’t let your partner have a clue that you’re moving out. Rather, let him/her think that you’re just taking a needed break. Move out your stuff bit by bit starting with those things that cannot be easily noticeable so that before your partner knows, most of your stuff would have moved.
- Clean Break: If you’ve just broken up and want to move out immediately, you may have to consider hiring professional packers who will help you to move all your things at once. Also, you may take a working day-off and get all your stuff packed and move out before your partner returns from work. This method is a very efficient way of ensuring a clean break-up from your ex without acrimonious conversations or expending unnecessary energy that may prolong your move-out.
For further reading on moving essentials during the breakup scenario, you can read our post – Comprehensive Divorce Moving Checklist.
Are Pets or Kids Involved? Consider a Safe Place for them
The wellbeing of the little ones and/or pets can decide the level of how breakups can be challenging. A legal counselor must be involved when kids and jointly-owned pets are involved. This is to ensure that you’re not at risk of losing their custody after the break-up.
Figuring out where and who the pets and the kids will be with is very important so as to maintain their routine and give them a sense of care and normalcy.
Their activities, schedules, and possessions should be kept familiar to them even if they will be splitting homes. Also, it is important to maintain the rules and regulations for them to keep regardless of which home they may be in at any given time. These were pieces of advice given by a Family & Marriage Law Counsel, Meghan Freed.
If you’re breaking up from an acrimonious relationship, it’s essential to find an attorney who will ensure you gain custody of your kids and/or pets. Many people often decide to remain in an abusive relationship because of children or pets. So, an attorney will help you get through this without much problem.
Get People to help you through the Breakup and Moving out
It’s never advisable to bear the burden of a breakup alone. So whether your moving out is convertor it’s a result of an agreement between two of you, never be afraid to seek help from people who have experienced breakup or divorce before.
Even friends and family can help you through the emotional upsurge during the breakup period and help you to get your move completed faster. Danielle C who had experienced divorce before even encouraged the seeking of external help when you’re moving out to offer you love and support.
Seek Legal Assistance when in Doubt or Confused when Moving out after Breakup
You may need legal counsel or a family attorney in a case of children or pets and jointly owned properties in the breakup to forestall any legal or custody issues that may arise especially when deciding who owns what or who gets to keep what.
Therefore, make sure that a lawyer or an attorney is present when moving out to ensure that everything is done accordingly.
Do not Move Stuff you don’t need to Minimize your Load
At this very critical point in your life, it’s not advisable to burden yourselves with so many loads that may be filled with unneeded items or items that you can do without. It’s normal and always very tempting to want to pack everything that you owned or bought with your money, either as a way of reducing your loss or just to annoy the other person.
But you must be mindful of what you move because what you don’t need, don’t move. Remember, the more items you move the more your mover will charge you.
You should see your breakup and move out as an opportunity for a fresh start, and you wouldn’t want to bug yourselves with so much unnecessary baggage, some of which may even be reminding you of the negative situation you’re just trying to break away from just at the start of your new life.
Confide in People you Trust, and you can Depend on
Coping with the emotional aspect of a sudden breakup from a partner with whom you have been together for some time can be very complex and depressing, and it may be feeling highly vulnerable.
Therefore, you should surround yourself with trusted people such as friends, family, neighbors, or professional colleagues and make sure you communicate with them often and seek their help when necessary.
They can help take your mind off social media so that you can keep your breakup news off it to avoid generating unnecessary heat from social media attention.
At this stage, you need to focus on surviving for the future and take your mind off your former relationship. Arranging and organizing your new place by deciding and finding some essential household items furniture, for instance, for your new place to completely occupy your mind and take it away from a random thought.
Moving out with Professional’s Help
When you just broke up with your partner, you must ensure that you do not make quick decisions by keeping your emotion under control. You may decide to temporarily move in with your parents or a close family member to give you ample time to sleep over things and think everything over.
And when you finally decided to move out, you may engage the services of expert packers to help you and ensure your moving out is smooth and stress-free. You can start this by inviting a few moving professionals to come to evaluate your stuff and give you estimates that will help you determine your eventual moving costs.
With a moving professional, your belongings are very safe and secured with the possibility of insurance depending on the moving professional. You need not stay with the professionals when they are moving your things as long as you have taken inventory of all your stuff to be moved. You can hire a reputable nearby moving company here.
If you need help moving out after a divorce or breakup, you can use Pricing Van Lines to help you move out smoothly without any stress.
Pricing Van Lines takes time to fully understand your moving needs, read your condition and deliver the best service. With Pricing Van Lines, you get over four generations of moving experience.
So the talent to make sure everything goes smooth is definitely there.
Moving On: Moving Out After a Breakup or Divorce
Ending a relationship, whether it’s three months or three decades old, is a difficult process – one often made even more difficult when you live with the person you’re leaving.
Each post-relationship move-out has its own challenges: if you have children or pets with the person, you must consider them in your preparations; if the decision was mutual, you need to divide up your property; if you’re married, you’ll need to find a lawyer.
Though each move is nuanced and unique, there are a few best practices for moving out after a breakup or divorce. We consulted experts in the field, from family law attorneys to relationship therapists to people who have experienced a post-divorce move themselves. Here are their recommendations for the best ways to move out after a breakup or divorce:
See a Breakup Coming? Be Prepared
If you know in advance that a breakup is brewing, prepare early. “If you know ahead of time that a break up is ly on the horizon, gather your most important documents (i.e. birth certificate, passport, social security card, banking information, etc.
),” says Relationship Therapist Tori Buckley. “Hide [these items] somewhere easily accessible, or store them in your car or at a trusted friend/family member’s house.
” This is especially important if you’re leaving a partner who has anger issues or a history of lashing out.
Have a Safe Space to Crash After You Move Out
Finding a safe, comfortable place after you move out is essential. Instagram influencer Lana Rynty knows this well.
She followed her boyfriend from her home in Finland all the way to Israel – only to realize that she’d moved to a place where she didn’t even speak the language for an ultimately failing relationship.
She learned her lesson and has some good advice: “Find your place ASAP. Stay on someone’s couch if you need to, but having your place will save you from extra stress (and whoever is hosting you from unnecessary drama).
” If you’re ending your relationship on poor terms, you may consider not telling your ex where you’re going – the last thing you need is your ex showing up to have it out with you at the home of your friend who’s gracefully letting you crash on their couch.
Read the Room, and Plan Your Move Out Accordingly
Is the move out going to a peaceful parting of the ways? Or do you expect yelling and fighting over who keeps what? While you can never totally predict how it will go down, having even a strong indication of how your move will go will help you plan accordingly. There are a few scenarios you may want to consider:
- Stealth Exit: Marriage & Family Therapist Laura Ryan counsels, “If you have ended a relationship with an abusive partner, consider a ‘stealth move out.’ Let the person think that you are taking a break and staying elsewhere, but move out a little at a time and take things that are not visible at first, boxes on a top shelf, items in the garage, clothes in the back of a closet, or toiletries inside of a bathroom drawer. This way, most things will be gone before your ex is alerted to the fact that you are leaving them.”
- Clean Break: If you need to get it done and over with, Ryan coaches,“Consider paying movers to come, pack your things, and take everything in one fell swoop. Take a weekday off from work and have them move out all of your belongings while your ex is gone for the day. This is the most efficient option and creates a clean break from the other person without awkward conversations, weird energy, or a prolonged move out.”
- Mutual Breakup: In some cases, a relationship ends on good – or at least mutual – terms. For this situation, Health & Wellness Expert Caleb Backe has some advice: “Coordinate with your ex. While you two may not communicate well, it’s crucial to plan your move so that there’s no conflict.”
Have Kids or Pets? Decide Where They’re Going
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of a family parting ways is deciding how to do so with children or pets. With children and co-owned pets, you should always seek legal counsel – not doing so puts you at risk of losing custody in the long run. Once you’ve figured out who your kids and fur-kids are going to, it’s important to maintain a routine for them.
Meghan Freed, a Family Law Attorney, stresses the importance of this: “If children are involved, it is important to help them maintain a sense of normalcy. Their possessions, activities and schedules should remain familiar to them, even if they’re now splitting time between two homes.
Parents should enforce the same guidelines in both homes whenever possible to show a sense of unification.”
If you’re leaving an abusive or negative relationship, it’s particularly important to find legal counsel, as they will help you get legal custody of your children.
For pets, you can do the same, but Buckley also recommends fostering if you don’t have time to find legal counsel: “Pets can often be a reason people don’t leave an abusive partner.
There are programs that offer temporary homes for pets surviving domestic violence.”
Don’t Handle Moving Out After a Breakup Alone
Whether you’re coordinating a stealth move out or a cooperative separation from your partner, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Kristen Edens is a content developer and has undergone a “gray divorce” (a divorce over the age of 50).
From her experience, she recommends having friends to help you with your move (emotionally and physically): “Invite friends or a support group to help [with your move]. The more hands available, the faster the task is completed.”
Kristen’s advice is echoed by Danielle C., a Seattleite who used Dolly to help move out after her divorce and furnish her new home: “I have great friends and family–and Dolly let me Iean on them in the ways that matter most: love, affirmation, and supporting my two amazing kiddos.”
When in Doubt, Seek Legal Help for Your Post-Divorce Move Out
If there are children, pets, or joint assets involved, you’ll ly need legal help, but it might be safe to find a family lawyer just in case.
Oz Moving & Storage, a New York City-based traditional moving company, doubles down on this assertion: “There are potential legal implications regarding who actually owns certain items (especially with divorce).
So make sure law enforcement or an attorney/lawyer is present during the move to ensure no wrongdoing occurs. There has been an incident where our company was hired to move someone who was barred access to their belongings by their former partner.”
Take Only What You Need (And Think About Minimizing Your Stuff)
It can be tempting to take everything you spent money on, whether it be to recoup your losses or spite your ex.
Not only is this impractical, it can also just cause more problems, as Edens attests: “Do you really need that stuff you are holding on to? If it is spite material, question what you will do with that particular item after splitting possessions is complete.
” She also encourages you to see the move-out as a new opportunity: “Explore minimalizing your life.” You may feel having a small amount of stuff is scary, but it could also be a chance to let go of the past and lead a more minimalist lifestyle.
Reach Out to Help You Can Trust
Leaving a partner you live with can leave you feeling very vulnerable, so from your interim home to your friends to your movers, make sure you’re working with people you can trust.
Don’t be afraid to ask your closest friends for help, and consider keeping the news of your breakup off social media to avoid bringing extra attention to the move.
Finding and furnishing a new place to live that’s totally your own is a good focus that will keep your mind off of the old relationship and keep you focused on the future.
If you need help moving out after a divorce or breakup, Dolly can help. We’ll send background-checked, experienced Helpers with a truck to move your most important items to your new home. We’re here to help with any moving and delivery needs, anytime you need it.
Editor’s Note: If you are a moving out to escape a violent partner or fear your partner may become violent when you announce your separation, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-(800)-799-7233 for professional assistance and support services.
Miranda is the Marketing Coordinator at Dolly. She’s moved nine times in the past six years, and while she’s grateful for the moving expertise, she’s hoping she doesn’t need to move a tenth time anytime soon.