8 Warning Signs of a Troubled Marriage

Содержание
  1. 8 Warning Signs Your Marriage Might Be In Trouble
  2. 1. You Pray for God to Change Your Spouse Instead of Asking God to Help You Bless Your Spouse
  3. 2. You Define Your Spouse By What They’re Not Rather Than By What They Are
  4. 3. You Increasingly Look Forward to Seeing Someone of the Opposite Gender
  5. 4. You Live in a Sexless Marriage.
  6. 5. You Spend More Time Thinking About How Your Spouse Could Love You Better Than You Do About How Well You’re Loving Your Spouse.
  7. 6. You Can’t Remember the Last Time You Laughed Together
  8. 7. You’ve Stopped Being Totally Honest With Each Other
  9. 8. You Stop Resolving Conflict and Become Friends With Resentment
  10. 10 Signs You Are In A Troubled Marriage | Marriage.com
  11. 1. You can’t let the past go
  12. 2. You fight about everything
  13. 3. Hiding money
  14. 4. You don’t make decisions together
  15. 5. You start thinking about what-might-have-been
  16. 6. Infidelity
  17. 7. Separate bedrooms
  18. 8. The sex has dwindled
  19. 9. You’re not taking care of yourself anymore
  20. 10. You start introducing distractions to hide from your problems
  21. Other obvious warning signs
  22. 8 Warning Signs Your Wife Wants To Leave You
  23. If you notice the following signs your wife wants to leave you, it’s time to take action if you want to fix your marriage
  24. 1. You don’t feel an emotional connection
  25. 2. Your sex life is nonexistent
  26. 3. She’s not making future plans with you. 
  27. 4. She says “I” a lot more than “we.”
  28. 5. She looks down on you. 
  29. 6. You feel you can never do anything right. 
  30. 7. She’s spending more time away from home. 
  31. 8. Your wife is having an affair. 
  32. These signs may also surface for reasons that have nothing to do with your marriage at all. 
  33. Depression
  34. Stress and Burnout
  35. Addiction
  36. The good news is that these signs are not necessarily the end all be all of your marriage
  37. When it’s time to put in the effort to save your marriage, Heitler offers 7 steps you can take as a couple to do so:

8 Warning Signs Your Marriage Might Be In Trouble

8 Warning Signs of a Troubled Marriage

Old-time miners used to keep canaries down in the mines where they dug. Before there were sophisticated instruments, the best way to detect the slow leak of poisonous gas was to have a canary—with tiny lungs—serve as an organic “meter.” If the canary died, poisonous gas was ly leaking out and the miners got above ground as soon as possible.

So, what are the “canaries” for marriage? What are some of the signs that a marriage is really in trouble?

1. You Pray for God to Change Your Spouse Instead of Asking God to Help You Bless Your Spouse

The “default” attitude of consistently asking God to change our spouse is destructive in two ways: It fosters a spirit of selfishness and irritation, which will eventually destroy affection, and it makes us focus on what our spouse is doing wrong (which we can’t change) instead of on what we can do right (which we can change).

You realize you married a person who, in the language of the Bible (James 3:2), “stumbles in many ways,” right? Which means there will always be something to “change” about your spouse. But waking up with the desire to bless (i.e., serve) our spouse changes us into nurturing people instead of condemning people.

Nurturing people maintain empathy, which protects passion and affection. Condemnation is not only ineffective as a change agent, but it tends to make us feel negative. There is no guarantee you can ever change your spouse, but it is certain that you can bless your spouse, so focus on the possible.

2. You Define Your Spouse By What They’re Not Rather Than By What They Are

The way our brains operate, we start to take the status quo as “normal,” which means our default position in marriage is to take the positive aspects of our spouse for granted (“that’s just the way they are”) and instead be acutely aware of what they’re not doing (but what we think they should be doing). If we don’t fight this, we’ll gradually grow more frustrated with our spouse, because even when they improve, that improvement eventually becomes the status quo, which we then start taking for granted.

Ask God to make you newly sensitive to the particular blessings of being with your spouse that you have become blinded to familiarity.

3. You Increasingly Look Forward to Seeing Someone of the Opposite Gender

When we find ourselves particularly excited to see someone of the opposite gender to whom we’re not married, it signals that we’re “thirsty,” relationally speaking in our marriage. I never think about Gatorade when I’m sitting at home, but in the middle of a long run, I crave it.

You can rarely be too ruthless in the face of a growing infatuation—shut down that relationship as much as possible and force yourself to refocus on building your marriage. Being excited about seeing someone other than your spouse frequently signals that the marriage has become too “utilitarian” and that the two of you need to reconnect.

4. You Live in a Sexless Marriage.

Now, there are a lot of reasons that some couples might struggle with their sex lives, and not all of them are warning signs for your marriage. Past trauma, emotional scars and even physical ailments can all get in the way of sexual expression, and hopefully, anyone wrestling with those issues is patiently working with their partner to find healing.

However, as a general rule, when two spouses care about each other and want to serve each other, sex is a natural expression of their love. When this stops, there is often some relational poisoning that the cessation of sex can point to.

Keep in mind, therapists define a “sexless” relationship as about 10 times a year (or just about once a month). If you’re even close to that, without a physical reason, your “canary” could be very sick. And remember, the answer is not necessarily to just start having more sex.

The answer to open up a healthy, honest conversation.

5. You Spend More Time Thinking About How Your Spouse Could Love You Better Than You Do About How Well You’re Loving Your Spouse.

Throughout the Bible, both Christian husbands (Ephesians 5:25) and Christian wives (Titus 2:4) are told to study the fine art of loving each other well. Few spouses ever fulfill this charge; all of us fall short of these ideals, and yet we, who fall short, often fixate on how our spouse falls short.

Here’s the thing: we can’t dictate what our spouse does, but we can impact what we do. If you want a Christ-honoring marriage, focus on doing your part and let God take care of your spouse.

See Also

6. You Can’t Remember the Last Time You Laughed Together

Couples usually consider “fun” as an essential aspect of continuing a dating relationship. If a couple never had any fun on a date, it’s highly unly you’d see the two of them get married.

Well, unfortunately, the same principle often applies in marriage; when the fun stops absolutely, after a while couples decide they want to stop being married. A sense of humor is high on most people’s “desirable” list, but that doesn’t mean you have to be Jerry Seinfeld or Tina Fey—it just means you need to be intentional about planning activities that the two of you enjoy together.

7. You’ve Stopped Being Totally Honest With Each Other

Lying kills intimacy; by definition, you can’t be “intimate” (vulnerable, accepted and known) with someone you’re lying to.

Usually, we lie because we’re ashamed about something. But we should fear the sin more than the exposure and view marriage as an opportunity to become more Christ via confession and accountability. That’s the only route to long-term acceptance and the satisfaction of being known and accepted and loved. This is one of the biggest payoffs in marriage—as well as one of our greatest fears.

8. You Stop Resolving Conflict and Become Friends With Resentment

Saying “it’s just not worth it anymore” to resolve a conflict and expecting it to go away is feeling a lump in your breast and saying, “If I pretend it’s not there, it won’t get worse and it can’t hurt me, right?”

Conflict is inevitable, but it can be positive if it reveals values and leads to greater understanding. When you stop caring enough to resolve a conflict, you’ve stopped caring altogether. cancer, resentment left untreated grows.

Источник: https://www.relevantmagazine.com/life5/relationships/8-warning-signs-your-marriage-might-be-trouble/

10 Signs You Are In A Troubled Marriage | Marriage.com

8 Warning Signs of a Troubled Marriage

Is there something in the back of your mind that keeps telling you that something is wrong in your relationship? A troubled marriage doesn’t spell the end of your relationship. Acknowledging these signs before it’s too late can actually be a saving grace to you and your partner. If your marriage is important to you, you should never wait too long before doing something about fixing it.

You may think of relationship warning signs as something more obvious habitually staying late at work or showing signs of having an affair.

The truth is, signs your relationship is in trouble could be hiding right under your nose. The changes can be so gradual they are hard to detect. Don’t be caught off-guard in your relationship.

Take advantage of these 10 warning signs that you are in a troubled marriage.

1. You can’t let the past go

The marriage vows recite the phrase “for better or worse” for a reason. A marriage has its ups and downs, and some of those downs can be devastating.

However, a couple devoted to one another find a way to rise above betrayal, annoyances, and hard times and learn to forgive one another for their faults.

However, those facing the rocky road of a troubled marriage may find that forgiven follies from days gone by are being brought up repeatedly.

Dredging up old arguments that have already been forgiven is a definite sign that you’re not feeling connected to your partner any longer.

2. You fight about everything

Couples who are parting ways emotionally begin to lack the patience they once had for putting up with one another’s imperfections. If you’re not bringing up old arguments, you seem to have no trouble finding new topics to fight about.

In fact, your arguments are incessant and you seem to be fighting about the same topics over and over again.

From serious issues money, family planning, and fidelity to who forgot to throw the empty milk jug in the trash, you now have a treasure trove of nitpicks you can’t seem to let go of.

3. Hiding money

Hiding money from your significant other, or having money hidden from you is a bad sign that you are in a troubled marriage. Hiding money often signifies either that the partner no longer feels comfortable or trusting enough to share their financial situation with their marriage mate.

It could also indicate an attempt to privately save up enough funds to move out and pursue a separation. Hiding finances may also be a way of shielding one partner from seeing out-of-character spending on such things as a hotel room, gifts, or other expenses related to having an affair.

4. You don’t make decisions together

A marriage is a partnership. This is two lives coming together and deciding equally how to move forward with important decisions. The moment you shut your partner decisions regarding finances, your home, your children, or your relationship should be a monumental red flag.

5. You start thinking about what-might-have-been

When people are in unhappy relationships they tend to dwell on the last romantic encounter that made them happy. This could be a summer fling, an ex, or a first love. Some may even start to wonder what kind of life they could have with a close friend or work colleague.

6. Infidelity

While it is normal to notice the opposite sex, there is a big difference between noticing someone is attractive and actually being attracted to them.

When you start dwelling on a potential sexual relationship with someone other than your marriage mate you are asking for trouble.

 Both men and women cheat for the same reasons: a lack of physical needs are being met or a lack of emotional connection and reassurance. It goes without saying that cheating is beyond a warning sign that your relationship is in trouble.

7. Separate bedrooms

Separate bedrooms may lead to separate lives. Scientifically, physical touch is an important aspect of feeling connected to your partner and can release a burst of oxytocin.

It doesn’t matter if this manifests itself through holding hands or spooning in the night. Of course, all of this depends on your personal habits as a couple.

For example, if you have always slept in separate bedrooms due to conflicting work schedules or sleep issues then this would not be a cause for alarm.

8. The sex has dwindled

A change in sexual intimacy is never good for a relationship. Commonly women lose interest in sex with their partners due to a lack of emotional connection, while men lose interest because they are bored.

Either way, a lack of sex in a relationship spells trouble. Sex is what bonds you as a couple and is one of the things you share exclusively with one another.

It triggers the brain to produce oxytocin, relieves stress, and lowers trust barriers put up by the brain.

9. You’re not taking care of yourself anymore

When partners are going through a hard time they usually stop taking care of themselves. This could mean you stop dying your hair, working out, dressing up. If you haven’t changed your pajamas in three days you are definitely experiencing a slump.

10. You start introducing distractions to hide from your problems

When going through a troubled marriage, many people start to look for “Band-Aid” solutions to cover up the real issues happening in the relationship. Couples may introduce the idea of a wild vacation, or even open up the discussion of having children.

Other obvious warning signs

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are two dangerous signs that your relationship is in trouble. If you are experiencing abuse at the hand of your married mate, seek out a safe residence to stay at while you plan your separation or begin counselling.

If you see one or more of these signs of a troubled married, don’t fret. They are called “warning signs” for a reason. Only when you acknowledge problems in your marriage can you take the steps to fix the situation.

Источник: https://www.marriage.com/advice/separation/10-signs-you-are-in-a-troubled-marriage/

8 Warning Signs Your Wife Wants To Leave You

8 Warning Signs of a Troubled Marriage

For the most part, the end of a marriage is never a surprise. 

Though it may seem abrupt when she lets you know she wants to file for divorce (or that she already has), the truth is that the signs your wife wants to leave you have ly been apparent for a while. 

There are many signs of an unhappy marriage that may lead to your wife’s desire to leave. Some of these include a negative emotional state in one or both partners, little to no affection and communication in the relationship, and complacency, among other things.

The key to preventing a divorce is taking the time to notice these signs. If it’s not too late, you can do the work together to save your marriage.

How do you know when your wife wants to leave your marriage?

If you notice the following signs your wife wants to leave you, it’s time to take action if you want to fix your marriage

RELATED: 8 Incredibly SIMPLE Ways To Save Your Marriage

1. You don’t feel an emotional connection

While physical attraction may ebb and flow over time, an emotional connection is essential to a successful marriage. 

This emotional disconnect may be hard to notice at first as you both go through the day-to-day routine of your relationship. But if you suddenly find you’re no longer sharing your feelings with each other or even setting aside time just to enjoy each other’s company, it’s a red flag.

2. Your sex life is nonexistent

You may not always feel those butterflies you felt when you first met each other, but physical attraction and connection is a main component of a successful and happy long-term relationship. 

If your wife is no longer interested in having sex with you, that means she doesn’t care about bonding and it’s more ly that she has one foot your marriage.

3. She’s not making future plans with you. 

A happily married couple consults each other about future plans and talks about the future as a couple. A woman on the verge of leaving you, on the other hand, is more ly to start planning a life without you.

Whether she’s trying to get used to life without you or simply no longer enjoys your company, if your wife doesn’t include you in her plans she may be thinking about leaving you.

4. She says “I” a lot more than “we.”

Happy couples tend to see themselves as a unit and talk about themselves as such using “we” statements. 

However, a 2021 study found that couples on the verge of a breakup subconsciously adjust their language to use more “I” statements than “we” statements.

«It seems that even before people are aware that a breakup is going to happen, it starts to affect their lives,» the study’s lead author Sarah Seraj, a doctoral candidate in psychology at UT Austin, explained. «Sometimes the use of the word 'I' is correlated with depression and sadness. When people are depressed, they tend to focus on themselves and are not able to relate to others as much.»

5. She looks down on you. 

Does it seem your wife is on a mission to make you feel worthless? If so, she might have contempt for you. And according to famed relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, contempt is one of the ‘4 Horsemen’ of relationship apocalypses and the single biggest predictor of divorce.

6. You feel you can never do anything right. 

Another of Gottman’s 4 Horsemen is criticism. If your wife constantly criticizes you and the things you do, she’s coming from a place of negativity and turning a blind eye to the positive.

This may be because she’s already made up her mind about leaving you and can only see things through a negative lens.

7. She’s spending more time away from home. 

Whether she all of a sudden has longer work hours or has started making more plans with her friends, this may mean she is looking for ways to spend more time away from you and the issues in your marriage.

8. Your wife is having an affair. 

Leaving a marriage is not easy, especially if you’ve been together for a long time and there are kids involved. This might lead your wife to cheat instead.

If you’ve noticed the signs that your wife is cheating, it’s a clear sign that something in the marriage is not right and may be a precursor to her leaving.

RELATED: Yes, An Affair Can Save Your Marriage (From An Expert Who Knows)

These signs may also surface for reasons that have nothing to do with your marriage at all. 

For example, some other reasons you may be noticing some of these signs include:

Depression

When a depressive episode occurs, the person struggling with depression may become more reclusive. If you’re not sure whether your wife’s attitude change has to do with being depressed or being over your relationship, look for other signs of depression she may be experiencing.

Stress and Burnout

Some of the signs your wife wants to leave you are actually similar to those of emotional and mental burnout. If your wife has become preoccupied with work, it may not be because your marriage is in trouble, but rather because she’s taken on more responsibilities and is feeling overwhelmed. 

Addiction

If your wife is dealing with an addiction, you may notice a change in her behavior. 

The best thing you can do is bring your concerns up to your wife and check in on your marriage.

The good news is that these signs are not necessarily the end all be all of your marriage

“The best thing to do to save your marriage is to let your wife know you want to make it work and do whatever she feels is needed to make it work,” says Clinical Hypnotherapist and Relationship Coach Keya Murthy. 

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When it appears that your marriage is nearing its end, there are a few things you can do to get it back on track. 

As Clinical Psychologist and Author Susan Heitler writes, “there are certain actions one spouse can take in their efforts to save the relationship.” So even if it feels your wife has given up on the relationship completely, all is not hopeless.

When it’s time to put in the effort to save your marriage, Heitler offers 7 steps you can take as a couple to do so:

1. Make a list of all the issues you argue or feel hopeless about.

2. Shift the focus back to yourself.

3. Cut out the negativity.

4. Express your concerns constructively and make decisions cooperatively.

5. Eliminate affairs, addictions, and anger.

6. Radically increase the positive energy you share with your partner.

7. Go back to the basics.

You may also want to consider marriage counseling to get a professional’s help. 

“Any relationship can work only when both of you want it to work,” Murthy assures.

RELATED: Why A Separation May Save Your Marriage

Micki Spollen is a YourTango editor, writer, and traveler. Follow her on Instagram and keep up with her travels on her website.

Источник: https://www.yourtango.com/2021344969/warning-signs-your-wife-wants-leave-you

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