7 Ways to Be Newlyweds After Years of Marriage

The 7 Stages Of Marriage

7 Ways to Be Newlyweds After Years of Marriage

Are you familiar with the various stages of marriage? When we are young, we think of life in two parts: before marriage and after marriage. But some people stay married for the majority of their lives, sometimes 80 years or longer.

Marriage can be best understood when viewed as a series of stages, or phases, that most couples work through while spending their lives together.

These seven stages of marriage are interconnected, and yet each one is distinct and somewhat separate from the others. Knowing what to expect, and more importantly, how to plan, can help each couple weather the adjustments more readily.

Below is a description of the stages of marriage that apply to many married couples today.

The Honeymoon Phase

Universally acknowledged as romantic, tender and idealistic, the “honeymoon” stage of marriage occurs immediately after the wedding through the next several months, possibly lasting as long as a year or two.

In fact, in ancient Israel the army would not conscript men for the first year of their marriage to give them time to start building the relationship, a home and the couple’s family.

Characterized by passion, sexual intimacy and infatuation, this stage can be extremely sensitive and volatile, and provides a nurturing environment for marital bonding.

The Adjustment Phase

They don’t say “the honeymoon’s over” for nothing! The second stage of marriage takes place as the first comes to an end—sometimes gradually, at other times suddenly, depending on the circumstances affecting bride, groom and their life together.

Essentially, the couple’s preoccupation with each other and their new, united relationship begins to wind down.

Pulled back into the “real world” by other responsibilities, including work, in-laws, homemaking, child-rearing, and their growing familiarity with one another, this stage is an epiphany, or awakening, to the “whole picture” of marriage. The awareness that you have married someone who is imperfect, and perhaps displays undesirable or even questionable qualities, can lead to some sobering reflections and “what-have-I-gotten-myself-into” moments.

The Great Escape Phase

After the first three years or so, power struggles may erupt as both spouses claim their turf and draw their lines of defense.

In this stage of marriage, husbands and wives begin to realize they married someone with as many vices as virtues, and each one reverts to re-inventing themselves in new ways that may only partially include the spouse.

Within this stage comes the “seven-year itch,” which many marriage counselors now suggest might arrive earlier for some couples, perhaps at three or five years. The danger of an affair becomes apparent as disillusionment, conflicts and frustration replace the earlier passion and adjustments.

The Reassessment Phase

Late in the first decade of marriage, and often into the second decade, couples become more accustomed to their situation and each other’s quirks. They begin to mature, especially if children are present or they have had good role models or mentors.

Recommitting themselves to the marriage rather than opting to bail out, they evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of their union and set to work on reestablishing themselves as a couple while enhancing family life.

The Growing Together Phase

Surviving boredom, conflict and temptation thus far, the couple may find peaceful time during their second or third decade together. Suddenly, there is a second opportunity to rediscover each other.

As children grow up and go off to college, and one or both spouses settle into satisfying careers, this is an excellent opportunity for them to focus on each other again, rather than juggling kids, jobs and tensions that come with the territory of marriage.

Renewal ceremonies and second honeymoons are becoming more commonplace as couples pledge themselves all over again to one another. Remember the pledged words: Until death do us part.

The Midlife Strife Phase

While midlife changes are manifested in women during their 40s and 50s (and sometimes in their 30s) through biological and emotional adjustments, both sexes may experience a psychological midlife “crisis” experience where they reach the pinnacle of married life or career.

They suddenly see the downhill slide of the other half of their lives.

The thought of approaching retirement and aging can be so unnerving to some folks that they overreact in an obsessive quest for youth to hold on to their “best years,” sometimes by abandoning their spouses in a quest for a younger “model.”

Empty-nest syndrome can wreak havoc as well, with the couple focusing on each other instead of the kids, which comes with its own type of reawakening phase—both good and bad. Compounding these issues are others associated with middle age, such as losing parents, declining health and the loss of a job.

All of these things can bring out the worst in us, leading to finger-pointing, regrets, accusations and confrontations. Strong, committed couples will find a way to weather the storm. Others, sadly, may fall by the wayside as their marriages disintegrate.

The Fulfillment Phase

After a few decades, the husband and wife realize in this stage of marriage that they have somehow managed to stay together, and they are contented to do so for the rest of their lives.

For some couples, this may entail simply looking back on their earlier years together and being thankful they had each other through good times and bad.

For others, the fulfillment phase is “falling in love all over again,” realizing that they have chosen the best possible life partner, and being grateful to have that person in their life as they grow old together.

Through thick and thin, they have stood by each other and survived many losses as well as celebrated life’s joys. At this point they have no thought for anyone else, just the satisfaction of being with the person they truly love above all else.

Your different stages of marriage may not follow this particular order. Or you might even experience things that are not included in this list.

The main point is that few marriages operate in one level consistently throughout the life-long course of two people who have chosen to get married. Things change. Life happens.

People go through a series of experiences that can impact the way they feel about a spouse.

Today’s divorce rate hovers just below the 50 percent mark, which is better than it was a few years ago, but it is still too high. With better understanding of what to expect and how to respond in a marriage that spans several decades, couples have a better chance of sticking together and overcoming the obstacles in their path.

Married people may want to spend some time thinking about the particular marital phase they are in, and deciding what to do about it. Hopefully, in experiencing the various stages of marriage, you will come to understand and appreciate your spouse more in each one.

Источник: https://www.everydayhealth.com/healthy-living/healthy-home/7-stages-marriage/

7 Tips for Newlyweds to Avoid Stress Later in Marriage

7 Ways to Be Newlyweds After Years of Marriage

Many say that the first year of marriage is the hardest no matter the age. But does it have to be?

We married in 2018 at the ages of 23 and 24 years old. The following year took a toll on our marriage. This wasn’t because we didn’t love each other. It was that we lacked awareness of certain life skills.

So, how can you do a perfect future planning after marriage? What are the things to do after getting married?

Had we followed these 7 tips for newlyweds, a year of headache and stress could have been avoided.

1. Open A Savings Account

Our saving skills were non-existent. As a result, we were forced to turn to our parents for help when we fell into difficult financial situations. Though we were sure they didn’t mind, it weighed heavily on us and in a sense showed a lack of maturity.

We understand that everyone’s support system outside of a marriage is different, this is why we stress the importance of learning proper money management.

We had good-paying jobs, but no money to pay our bills. What does that say about our saving and spending habits?

Beginning now if you haven’t already, one of the first tips for newlyweds is to save at least 10% from each check to begin building a rainy day fund. It will come in handy when you least expect it.

Savings accounts should be one of the things to do after marriage as they can also be beneficial if you and your spouse are looking to make a down payment on a home, car, or even if a new baby is on the way. It is the key to being prepared for major life events.

When opening an account, be sure to consider the benefits that come along with your branch of choice such as first-time homeowner loans, car refinances, and interest rates.

2. Plan

You may not have control over everything that goes on in your life.

Remember to try to get a handle on the things you do as one of the tips for newlyweds.

Planning is a must. If you and your partner don’t discuss future plans, long term and short term, it can lead to an abundance of issues.

Buying a new home, vacation, even the grocery list should be planned. Things done spontaneously can lead to financial issues. You might find yourself dipping into your rainy-day fund for the wrong things.

A key piece of planning is organization. Invest in a file cabinet to assist in sorting out bank statements, bills, and important records or documents.

Planning not only helps build your organizational skills but adds much ease to your daily life.

3. Cook More, Eat Out Less

This may be more important than you think and, surprisingly, one of the health benefits of marriage. In our first year of marriage, we spent A LOT of money on food. Ordering in and eating out was a way of life for us. This caused us to not only gain weight but also depleted our money at an alarming rate.

You two are no longer bachelors and bachelorettes. Ordering out should be a treat, not an everyday thing. While millennials love a great delivery service, it can get pricey and unhealthy.

With an abundance of ideas on the internet, learning to cook new recipes is one of the essential tips for newlyweds and is as easy as scrolling on your smartphone.

Learning now would be great, especially if you two plan on adding a few bundles of joy to the family. They’ll be able to enjoy the different home-cooked meals you’ve learned to prepare.

4. Compare Credit Scores

If you aren’t already living in your dream home, your credit scores and debt need to be discussed sooner than later. Talk it over amongst yourselves or with a professional on how you can begin building your credit to your desired or required rate.

With the right credit score, the interest rates on your future homes or cars will be lower, and you’ll find yourselves saving a lot of money in the long run.

5. Inquire about Insurance Plans

With life comes many unexpected events. The importance of being prepared in this area is crucial.

As a married couple one best advice for newly married couples is to discuss life insurance and health benefits. While most jobs do offer these benefits, compare and contrast the benefits offered between the two jobs.

Whose jobs offer the most cost-effective plans? Whose job offers better benefits? Who plans to be at their job long term?

These are all important questions to ask when choosing the right plan for your family’s future.

6. Begin Your Retirement Fund

Being young doesn’t last forever. Eventually, you and your significant other will grow older and retire from your chosen careers.

At the beginning of the marriage, many lack the knowledge of the importance of having retirement funds. “Living in the now” is okay in certain situations, but this is not one of them.

In the list of tips for newlyweds, note that It is important to have funds in place so your retirement years can be enjoyed peacefully with no financial worries.

There are many different retirement options, including Stocks, Bonds, and 401K plans. Discuss these options with your partner and choose what works best with your financial situation.

7. Communicate

While this one may sound an easy task, effective communication is one of the essential tips for newlyweds that you two can always progress in. Especially as time goes on, there are situations you will encounter that you’ve never had to deal with before.

You two are young with plans to be together for a lifetime.

To keep the relationship strong through the years to come, there will have to be productive conversations about one another’s point of view. Doing this will remove a lot of confusion and ensure that you two are on the same page, even if it means compromising.

In the video below, Mike Potter discusses six levels of marriage communication. While the first to levels are easily achievable, the couple begins to strengthen the bond as they move towards the third level of communication, moving forward gradually.

Discuss each other’s goals, desires, wants, and needs more often than not. You are a unit now; with this comes making decisions and prioritizing as one.

We had to learn all of this the hard way. While it did teach us a lot and strengthened our marriage, a massive amount of time and money could have been saved. Understand that it is such a blessing to have a partner to hurdle over the obstacles of life with.

Follow these 7 “Things To Do Now” and lessen the chance of unwanted stress in your first few years of marriage.

Источник: https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/tips-for-newlyweds-to-avoid-stress-later-in-marriage/

How to Combine Finances as Newlyweds

7 Ways to Be Newlyweds After Years of Marriage

If you’re a newlywed or getting married soon, it’s time to start talking with your significant other about money. Super romantic, we know, but listen: Being on the same page about money is a key part of having a successful marriage, because it sets you up for financial security today and into your golden years together!

And when you say “I do,” you’re committing to every part of each other—including your finances . . . and debt. So, put combining your finances on the to-do list. Work on it before the honeymoon sunburns fade! Need some help? Let’s talk about how to combine your finances as newlyweds. 

Why Talk About Money?
How to Combine Your Finances
Be Honest
“Marry” Your Bank Accounts
Make a Plan for Your Financial Future
Start Budgeting Together
Always Put Your Relationship First

Why Talk About Money?

Before we jump into the steps of combining your finances, let’s talk about why this is important. Money is the number one issue married couples fight about. In fact, according to our research, money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity. 

Getting on the same page now doesn’t mean you’ll never have hard conversations in the future—but it will help you avoid fighting about money because you’ll be going in the same direction. Talking about money helps you lay the groundwork for a healthy marriage that stands the test of time.

Remember, when you get married, you become a we. It’s a big shift. And talking about money forces the two of you to discuss really important issues— goals, dreams, how you want to retire, and what legacy you hope to leave. 

These conversations build a shared vision in your marriage—which makes you more financially secure and stronger in your relationship. (P.S. Don’t wait until you’re pronounced husband and wife to have that first money talk. Here are the 5 questions to ask before marriage.)

How to Combine Your Finances

Listen: The process of combining your finances doesn’t have to add stress to your wedding planning or ruin your newlywed bliss. It won’t be as fun as snorkeling in the reef or backpacking through Europe together—but you could still make a date of it. Light some candles and turn on your fave romantic playlist: Here’s a quick five-step checklist to help you combine your finances:

1. Be honest.2. Marry your bank accounts.3. Make a plan for your financial future.4. Start budgeting together.

5. Always put your relationship first.

Transparency is key! Be open and honest about your current individual situations, including your debt and your views on money. Figure out your money tendencies (for example: Are you a spender or saver? Do you prefer safety or status?) and talk about how they affect your money habits.

You might want to discuss what your parents taught you about money and what you do and don’t agree with—kindly, of course. Don’t be critical or judgmental if you disagree. Learn how to communicate effectively with your spouse.

When you get married, you’ve got to combine your money into joint accounts. You’re becoming one, so your finances should too. If you keep this one area separated, it can lead to separation in other areas. Don’t. Go. There. Work together from a shared account to create accountability, honesty and a sense that you’re in this together! Because guess what? You are!

Once everything is on the table, it’s time to make money goals! Figure out what Baby Step you’re on—as a couple. If you were on Baby Step 4, but your bride-to-be is on Baby Step 2, then guess what? You’re on Baby Step 2 now! 

But that’s all right. You love this person with all of your heart—you’re planning on sharing all of your future together. The good, the bad, the debt—all of it. 

Set priorities together and make a plan to move through the Baby Steps together. Take a class Financial Peace University (now a Ramsey+ exclusive) so you can know how to set and tackle all these money goals together. 

4. Start Budgeting Together

Before you get married, you should already start talking budgets. You shouldn’t combine your accounts or budget together completely, but some trial runs to see how you’ll work together this way is a great idea. 

Once you’re married, you’ll start budgeting together for real. Every dollar of your incomes—every month. Make sure it happens by putting a date on the calendar each month for your budget meeting.

Don’t skip this step. Creating a budget as a couple is how you make your money goals actually happen.

5. Always Put Your Relationship First

If you want a satisfying relationship, you have to make your finances—and working on them together—a priority from the start. Couples who agree about money and have healthy finances almost always have a better marriage overall.

And lots of couples find that being on the same page about money improves all aspects of their relationship. Dave says, “When you can talk about money, you can talk about anything.” Because money comes with baggage and can make us all uncomfortable sometimes—but working through that past and setting goals together is how you grow stronger in the now and the future.

If you want some more pointers on starting that money talk with your significant other, or if you have a specific question about combining your finances, talk to a financial coach. Our coaches have helped countless couples just you. Tap into their experience and wisdom. One free session could do wonders for your marriage—and your life. 

Источник: https://www.ramseysolutions.com/relationships/newlyweds-what-do-we-need-to-know-about-money

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