5 Common Types of Affairs

Содержание
  1. The Seven Types Of Affairs
  2. 1.     The “It’s Just Sex” Affair
  3. 2.     “It’s a Family Affair”
  4. 3.     The “Soulmate” Affair
  5. 4.     The “Revenge” Affair
  6. 5.     The “What-If” Affair
  7. 6.     “It’s More Than An Affair”
  8. 7. The “Social Media” Affair
  9. The Silver Lining
  10. 8 Types of Affairs and What They Mean
  11. Why Do Affairs Happen And How Do They Begin?
  12. 1) The Emotional Affair
  13. 2) The Romantic Affair That Comes With Attachment
  14. 3) The “Accidental” One Night Stand
  15. 4) The Repeat Offender Sex Addict’s Affair
  16. 5) The Love Addict’s Affair
  17. 6) The “Screw You” Revenge Affair
  18. 7) The Strictly Online Cyber Affair
  19. 8.) The “Out-The-Door” Exit Strategy Affair
  20. Affairs Don’t Just Happen In Bad Relationships
  21. Having an Affair? There Are Six Different Kinds
  22. The «It's-Only-Lust» Affair
  23. The «I'll-Show-You» Affair
  24. The «Just-In-The-Head» Affair
  25. The «All-in-the-Family» Affair
  26. The «It's-Not-Really-an-Affair» Affair
  27. The «Mind-Body» Affair
  28. Learning From Affairs
  29. 7 Types of Affairs: Part 1
  30. 1. ONE NIGHT STAND AFFAIR
  31. 2. INTIMACY & CONFLICT AVOIDANCE AFFAIR
  32. 3. PHILANDERER AFFAIR (The Womanizer or Manizer)
  33. Why Do Philanderer’s Do It?
  34. OVERVIEW Part 2
  35. SHARES
  36. What Are the Different Types of Affairs?
  37. First of all – what is an affair?
  38. What makes one have an affair?
  39. 13 types of affairs
  40. 1. Emotional affair
  41. 2. One-night stand
  42. 3.  Repeated sex affairs
  43. 4. Romantic love affair
  44. 5. Cyber affair
  45. 6. Revenge affair
  46. 7. Extramarital affairs
  47. 8. Double life affairs
  48. 9. Mind-body affair
  49. 10. Illicit affair
  50. 11. Affair with a married man
  51. 12. Sanctioned affair
  52. 13.  Fantasy affair
  53. Learning from affairs
  54. Wrapping up

The Seven Types Of Affairs

5 Common Types of Affairs

According to research, one in five people in the UK have had affairs while over a third of the population has thought about it. Furthermore, the number of people having affairs continues to grow.

As a hypnotherapist specialising in relationships, I have many clients who are affected by infidelity. Through my experience, I have found that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to infidelity, it certainly isn’t as black and white as most observers would think. In fact, I believe there are seven different types of affairs.

1.     The “It’s Just Sex” Affair

Whether they feel there is a lack of sex in their relationship, or have an intense desire for another person, many people cite their affair as being lust-filled fun and nothing more.

Often people feel powerless to the sexual attraction and perhaps the excitement of feeling sexually alive again.

Usually, this affair is short-lived as passion dies and there is little connection apart from the physical aspect.

2.     “It’s a Family Affair”

Family affairs are more common than you expect. As well as growing close to people you spend a lot of time with, such as your spouse’s brother or sister, these affairs are usually combined with family dysfunction, jealousy and resentment. While these affairs seem the perfect crime, they are catastrophic for the entire family when uncovered.

3.     The “Soulmate” Affair

The ‘soulmate’ affairs, all seven types, are usually the ones that lead to a new relationship. These are the affairs that start when two people connect at multiple levels.

Connections between the two occur at an emotional, intellectual, spiritual and sexual level, sometimes unearthing parts of themselves that were hidden. Typically, these affairs will feel ‘complete’.

However, these are usually the ones that cause the most disruption due to the breakdown of the facade that has been hidden and maintained over the years.

4.     The “Revenge” Affair

Resentment towards a spouse can build up during an unhappy marriage. These affairs don’t necessarily come about as revenge for a spouse’s affair (although this is common too) but as revenge for actions within the marriage that causes anger. Feeling ignored, unloved and disregarded can lead to people seeking revenge in the form of infidelity for years of an unhappy relationship.

5.     The “What-If” Affair

These are the lingering affairs that may not amount to sex but will leave a lasting impression. Usually, these not-quite affairs come about when spending a great deal of time or working closely together. The bond becomes intimate and emotional, and while the ‘we’re just friends’ line will be used, both parties know it is more than a friendship.

6.     “It’s More Than An Affair”

Typically, this type of affair involves one available person and one who isn’t. Talks will inevitably lead to having a relationship together. The available person will usually justify the affair as a relationship. However, more often than not, the spoken-for person will have no intention of leaving their spouse. It ends up as a trap.

7. The “Social Media” Affair

A study found that 76% of women and 59% of men think it is cheating to send a flirty text. However, that shows a large proportion of people who think emotional intimacy through text, WhatsApp and social media is not an affair. The social media affair can be incredibly powerful and all-consuming, even if you never, or rarely, meet in person.

Typically these affairs will manifest as sharing daily life and problems through frequent messaging. Receiving a message from your digital lover can give you the same effect as an orgasm as dopamine is released every time your phone lights up. This, in turn, makes you biochemically addicted to your social media affair, usually more than the person you’re having an affair with.

As these affairs do not seem ‘real’, it is easy for people to deny them. With this, these affairs can go on for years but will usually fizzle out over time, until the next one comes along. Typically, these affairs are more common for people who have ‘Words of Affirmation’ as their predominant love language.

The Silver Lining

Many people follow the saying of ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’. This is with good reason as people who have cheated before are 350% more ly to cheat again. This lihood is regardless of whether it is with a new or the same partner. So despite this negative press, can an affair ever be good?

Some affairs can actually be healthy and restore vitality in a person and a relationship. It may motivate you to fix your current relationship or perhaps provide the momentum to break from an unhealthy relationship. An affair can even help to propel the change you want to see in yourself.

While people may blame others for their affair, or perhaps claim ‘it just happened’ an affair is your choice. Having an awareness of your part to play in an affair can help you to make more conscious decisions. Furthermore, you can learn as to the reasons behind your affair, and if there are underlying problems that you need to address.

As a relationship hypnotherapist, I am here to help you navigate through all manner of relationship problems. If you want to find out how hypnotherapy can help you and your attitude to relationships, then call 0207 971 7677 for your free 15-minute consultation.

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References:

Irishexaminer.com. (2018). Why a growing number of people are having affairs. [online] Available at: https://www.irishexaminer.com/lifestyle/healthandlife/relationships/why-a-growing-number-of-people-are-having-affairs-337772.html [Accessed 25 Sep. 2018].

Jordan, W. (2018). YouGov | 1 in 5 British adults say they’ve had an affair. [online] YouGov: What the world thinks. Available at: https://yougov.co.uk/news/2015/05/27/one-five-british-adults-admit-affair/ [Accessed 25 Sep. 2018].

LaFata, A. (2018). Texting Has The Same Effect As An Orgasm, That’s Why You’re Addicted. [online] Elite Daily. Available at: https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/receiving-text-message—orgasm/845037 [Accessed 26 Sep. 2018].

Metro.co.uk. (2018). Can an affair ever become a healthy relationship? What are the risks? | Metro News. [online] Available at: https://metro.co.uk/2018/01/10/can-affair-ever-become-healthy-relationship-7214164/ [Accessed 26 Sep. 2018].

Npr.org. (2018). NPR Choice page. [online] Available at: https://www.npr.org/2015/07/26/426434619/sorting-through-the-numbers-on-infidelity?t=1537953344188 [Accessed 26 Sep. 2018].

Источник: https://www.hypnosis-in-london.com/the-seven-types-of-affairs/

8 Types of Affairs and What They Mean

5 Common Types of Affairs

There are 8 types of affairs. No matter which one you or your partner engages in – cheating is cheating.

Affairs cause deep emotional pain for the other partner, failed partnership overall, feelings of guilt and shame on the affair participant.

Why Do Affairs Happen And How Do They Begin?

You may be especially vulnerable if your existing marriage is on the rocks, or you’re not getting emotional validation or other needs met at home. Affairs may be the result of tension, resentment, and distrust that builds over a long timeframe.

Affairs can have a mood-altering effect – it can feel a high when you get a message from that person, or getting to see them in person
Maybe you begin to look forward to your chats, become eager to get their input on a difficult decision in your own life.

Affairs of any type steal energy and attention from your partnership. Instead of talking about your unmet needs with your partner or going to couples therapy, partners look outside of their commitment to meet those needs.

1) The Emotional Affair

It may start out as just a “special friendship” with a co-worker, a neighbor, or a parent at one of your kid’s activities. Eventually, that friendship can morph into something more emotionally intimate, and in many cases, it does.

A survey by Simply Hired revealed that 50% of female employees and 44% of male employees admitted to having a “work spouse” at some point in their careers.

Some people rationalize these types of affairs because they are not engaging in sexual activity. An emotional affair is still a kind of affair though. Infidelity does not require sexual contact – an emotional connection is all it takes in real life.

2) The Romantic Affair That Comes With Attachment

This is the type of affair that comes to mind most often when we think of affairs.

The romantic affair stems from one spouse having an intense attraction to another person. So much so, that they believe they’ve fallen in love with their affair partner and can’t control their emotions. This type of affair most often includes both physical and emotional connection to the affair participant.

3) The “Accidental” One Night Stand

There is no such thing as an accidental affair. If your partner engages in a one night stand, they are making a choice to step outside the partnership or marriage. The rationalizations of “it was just the heat of the moment”, “I was drunk” or “it just happened” are not excuses to step outside of the marriage.

These types of affairs are prompted by convenience or opportunity. The one night stand is different than the emotional and romantic affairs. There is no emotional attachment.
With this type of affair, the affair partner most ly wants to stay in their marriage. Most often, there is no issues seen with their spouse and they are generally happy in their relationship.

4) The Repeat Offender Sex Addict’s Affair

Extended affairs with two people or more can be a sign of a sex addict. Someone with sexual addiction has compulsions and never finds true fulfillment no matter how many times they cheat on a spouse. Sex addicts will commit infidelity on a long-term basis until they get caught and/or are forced to seek treatment.

People who are addicted to sex or affairs get the same chemical “high” drugs or alcohol which motivates them to chase the high and have sexual affairs with multiple partners.

5) The Love Addict’s Affair

A love addict feels a lack of love in their current marriage and may even admit that they married the wrong person. You might also call this the eternal relationship search for “the one”. These types of affairs tend to happen more with females who are indifferent about their marriages and LGBT+ couples.

The compulsion and obsession are centered on the relationship or marriage and not the physical interaction. These types of affairs also involve physical connection – there is usually a sexual affair and an emotional affair.

6) The “Screw You” Revenge Affair

This “get mad, get even” affair is the most dangerous type of affair. People who engage in these affairs have one goal – to sure their partner finds out to hurt them. To show them “I am desired by someone else” even though they know it will make their partner feel betrayed.

Revenge affairs are always about making the other spouse pay in pain. The partner may be seeking revenge for their partner’s affair, perceived affair or many other wrongs they feel they endured.

7) The Strictly Online Cyber Affair

This is our modern dern type of affair. The benefit of cyber affairs is that cheaters can create any persona they want. Fantasy is a significant element of cyber affairs.

It may be anonymous in many cases, but the same emotional and sexual overtones are present. Intimate online chats, cybersex, filming sex acts with a webcam or other similar actions still trigger the same feelings as they would in a face-to-face affair.

8.) The “Out-The-Door” Exit Strategy Affair

This type of affair happens when you want to expedite the end of your marriage. The affair is simply your exit strategy.

It also serves as a way of starting to mentally and emotionally prepare for the next chapter in your life.

When people are in these affairs, they often discuss with the affair partner that “we will be together when it ends with my spouse”. Statistically, these relationships do not make it.

Affairs Don’t Just Happen In Bad Relationships

Partners can be happy in their relationships while also wanting to experience more than the relationship has to offer. More often than not, participants in emotional affairs want to stay in their relationship. This is why people go to extraordinary lengths to cover up the affair.

The most common affairs that occur when the partner does not want to end their current relationships are ones that involve sexual addiction and one night stands.
If you are finding yourself struggling in your relationship or want to heal from a current or past affair, individual or couple’s therapy can help.

Источник: https://anchorlighttherapy.com/the-8-types-of-affairs-and-what-they-mean/

Having an Affair? There Are Six Different Kinds

5 Common Types of Affairs

With Tiger Woods back in the game after his «bad decisions» admission on ESPN, I couldn't help but recall George (not his real name), who had consulted me about how to deal with his new affair. Visions of Woods, Jessie James, Mark Sanford, John Edwards, and others came to mind, along with the similar stories of countless patients over the years.

George began by telling me that, «She was standing off by herself during a conference break, leaning against a wall, sipping coffee. As I walked by, our eyes met and I felt a sudden jolt—a rush of energy, real connection. Suddenly we found ourselves talking, feeling we had known each other for years.» The affair «just «happened,» George added.

That's an explanation I've heard many times. Another one sounding a bit more «strategic» came from Jan, a 41-year-old lawyer. She told me that her affair was a «marriage stabilizer. Safe and discreet, a perfect solution for me.» She decided it was a rational alternative to the disruption of divorce.

Of course, the public always enjoys being titillated with stories of the affairs of public figures, especially when hypocrisy is exposed. But cultural attitudes have clearly shifted towards acceptance of affairs. They're seen as a lifestyle choice; an option for men and women yearning for excitement or intimacy that's lacking or has dulled during a marriage.

Given that new reality, I put together what I've learned about the psychology of affairs, their meaning, and their consequences for people in our current culture.

my work, I have found six types of affairs that people have today. People make their choices, but I think a non-judgmental description of these six kinds of affairs (but with a tinge of humor) can help people deal with them with greater awareness and responsibility.

The «It's-Only-Lust» Affair

The most common is mostly about sex. It can feel really intense, but it's also the quickest to flame out.

John and Kim met through work and felt a strong physical attraction. John was separated; Kim, married. They felt powerless to resist the pull. «It was inevitable. We ended up in bed, as well as a lot of other places! It was wonderful,» John added, with a big grin. The liberating and compelling feeling from this kind of affair, though, can mask hidden emotional conflicts.

An example is a person who's able to feel sexually alive and free only in a secret relationship, hidden from the imagined hovering, inhibiting eye of one's parent, which the person may experience unconsciously with his or her spouse.

The lust affair is often short-lived, and passion can slide downhill pretty fast as the excitement declines or under-riding emotional issues surface again. It can also fade if the lovers discover that there wasn't much connecting them beyond sex.

As John later told me, «As great as the sex was, we didn't really have much to say to each other. Eventually, that became a turn-off.»

The «I'll-Show-You» Affair

Rachel began realizing the depth of her anger and resentment towards her husband after years of an unhappy marriage. She had long felt unaffirmed, ignored, and disregarded by him.

His adamant refusal to go to couples therapy pushed her into acting on her anger. Rachel told me that a previous therapy had helped her recognize her collusion in becoming so subordinate in the marriage.

But she couldn't create a solution, nor figure out how to deal with her desire for revenge.

She knew that «getting back» at her husband wasn't going to produce empowerment or healing, but nevertheless began a disastrous affair. She subsequently discovered that the man was only interested in a narcissistic conquest, and he quickly dumped her.

Eventually, she realized that beneath her anger was a desire for a man who would really recognize her, who could «see» her, as her father never did.

But before that awakening occurred, she suffered, and she still had to deal with the reality of her marriage and how to heal her own trauma.

The «Just-In-The-Head» Affair

Can you call it an affair if the «lovers» don't have sex? Consider Paul and Linda. They became very close, working together on a volunteer project. Paul was married, and Linda was divorced but living with a boyfriend.

They found they had much in common, a similar outlook on life, and spiritual compatibility as well. They enjoyed talking and looking forward to time together. They spoke on the phone frequently and lingered around after working on the project.

Soon they realized that a very intimate and emotionally close bond had developed. It definitely felt much more than just a friendship.

So why didn't they have sex? Linda, who was my patient, said that neither of them wanted to disrupt or leave their primary relationship, or «mess it up.» So, they chose to keep it platonic.

That level of intimacy and intensity makes it an affair of the mind, if not the body; it's more than just a friendship.

I find that people in this kind of affair find something in each other that's lacking in their «real» relationship, and they're not dealing with that.

Aside from the challenge of remaining on the chaste side of the sexual borderline, such «lovers» must hope that their primary partners continue to believe they're telling the truth. And there's a risk that what they're not finding in their primary relationship will become increasingly disruptive to it.

The «All-in-the-Family» Affair

Bill thought this was fail-safe because no one would suspect. He and his wife's sister finally had sex after years of mutual, erotic teasing. Suddenly they were in the midst of an affair that neither wanted to end. They thought they could keep it secret; that neither would make any demands on the other and it would be perfectly safe. If you think that was naive, it was.

Most «family» affairs are interwoven with family dysfunctions and buried resentments. Neither Bill nor Tina, his sister-in-law, looked seriously at the issues in their respective marriages or interlocked families; or even how dangerous it was. Postscript: One of their spouses eventually discovered the incriminating e-mails, and the family affair quickly turned into a family nightmare.

The «It's-Not-Really-an-Affair» Affair

Humans are experts at creating illusions for ourselves. In this affair, one party is available but the other isn't. The available partner believes that the other really will leave his or her spouse, given enough time and patience.

Jane, divorced for several years, began seeing a married man. She told me vehemently, «It's not an affair! It's a relationship!» But that takes two equally available and committed people.

I've seen many women over the years (though it's usually women caught in this trap) who truly believe their lovers will leave their spouses. Ninety percent of the time it never happens.

Jane eventually realized that her lover never had any intention of leaving. In fact, he had had multiple affairs throughout his marriage.

The «Mind-Body» Affair

Here is the most dangerous for the lovers' existing relationships. It's so powerful because it feels so complete—emotionally, sexually, intellectually, spiritually.

Matt and Ellen, who consulted me as a couple, met through a parents' function at their children's school. Right away, they felt a strong, mutual connection.

«If I believed in reincarnation,» Matt told me, «I would say that we were together in a former life. We feel ‘soulmates.'»

«I never thought a relationship could feel this,» said Ellen.

The «mind-body» affair is highly threatening to a marriage because it feels so «right.» Of course, the couple may try to end it or turn it into a «just-in-the-head» affair, but that rarely works.

Of all the different affairs, I've found that this kind most frequently leads to divorce and remarriage. The upside is that the new relationship often proves to be the right match for the couple.

Nevertheless, it generates all the mixed consequences that all affairs produce, especially when children are involved.

Learning From Affairs

You might assume that you can isolate your affair from the rest of your life. Or, you might not give much thought to its consequences. Both are mistakes. If you're considering an affair or are in the midst of one, I suggest you consider the following:

  • Some affairs are psychologically healthy. An affair can help leverage you a destructive or deadened relationship that's beyond the point of renewal. The positive feelings of affirmation and restored vitality generated by an affair can activate the courage to leave a marriage when doing so is the healthiest decision for both yourself and your partner. I've seen both men and women become psychologically healthier through an affair. It springboarded them into greater emotional honesty and mature action. Of course, you have to be honest with yourself, here, and not rationalize yourself into having the affair while postponing necessary action.
  • An affair can help renew your relationship with your existing partner. An affair can spur you to confront what you really want from your existing partner and motivate you to try creating it. Larry, a journalist, had an affair for nearly four years. After an argument with his lover one day, he realized he was beginning to feel much of the same irritation and sexual boredom that he felt towards his wife. «This is pretty screwed-up,» he said to me. «I've got to do something.» As he examined what he really wanted and valued he recognized his own role in evading long-standing conflicts in his marriage. He saw that he wanted to experience what he did during the affair, but with his wife. «I want my wife and lover to be the same person,» he said. Larry began to confront, with his wife's participation, the real problems in their relationship and the steps it would take to rebuild it.
  • There's always a reason for beginning an affair, and it relates to some issue in your existing relationship. It's far better to face and resolve that first. You don't just «find» yourself having an affair, or «end up» in bed with someone. It's your choice, but it can be beautifully rationalized. So take a look at what's missing or unfulfilling in your relationship, why that is, and whether you can, or even want to, do something about it. It's preferable to try renewing your relationship or end it with mutual respect.

By acknowledging that an affair means you're living a lie in some form, you have a greater chance to deal with the emotional and practical consequences of the affair in a healthier way.

And there are plenty of consequences—for yourself, your children, your existing relationship.

But if you fool yourself about the reasons for your affair and what it may set in motion, you can squander irreplaceable years, trapped within illusions and rationalizations. When it all comes crashing down, loneliness and emptiness may be all that remains.

That's why I advocate awareness at the outset: You can become more conscious of your actions, and use that awareness to deal maturely with their consequences. Or yes, you can remain unconscious, but then you still have to deal with the consequences.

© 2010 Douglas LaBier

Источник: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-new-resilience/201004/having-affair-there-are-six-different-kinds

7 Types of Affairs: Part 1

5 Common Types of Affairs

{Part 1 includes the first 3 types of affairs.}

  1. ONE NIGHT STAND AFFAIR
  2. INTIMACY & CONFLICT AVOIDANCE AFFAIR (They avoid dealing with their issues.)
  3. PHILANDERER AFFAIR (The Womanizer or Manizer)
  4. ENTITLEMENT AFFAIR (Rockstars and Royalty)
  5. SPLIT SELF AFFAIR or Romantic Affair (They can’t choose between their lover and spouse.)
  6. EXIT AFFAIR (Out-the-door Affairs are doomed.)
  7. SEXUAL ADDICTION AFFAIR (Obsessed with having sex at any costs.)

1. ONE NIGHT STAND AFFAIR

According to the Infidelity Recovery Institute (2018), a one night stand or (ONS), are accidental in how they take place.

I believe that in my own words the best way to describe this is not to suggest that it was an accident because I don’t believe that it was accidental.

I would suggest instead that it is unintentional which means that there is no intention initially to have an affair or that there is no premeditation towards having an affair.

The way an unintentional affair may take place in different ways. The Infidelity Institute states that, …”an accidental is that there was no real decision to cheat, no underlying marital problem that was causing a rift or other circumstances that caused a person who fell into the affair to be looking or seeking another person out for any reason whatsoever.”

A one night stand can be considered an impulsive and regrettable reaction.

An unplanned or impulsive decision to have an affair where two people may have gotten lost in the moment and there was no intention to have an affair.

The environment or situation may lead to further risks of having an affair such as a business trip, or nights out with friends are a common place when these situations occur. with in the majority of cases a respective stranger.

Other risk factors that may contribute to breaking down inhibitions or trying to get needs met. These risk factors include drugs or alcohol, low self esteem, need for freedom and need for emotional connection.

Most people who have a one night stand do want to stay married and do have fear or guilt about being caught. Often these types of affairs given the opportunity are related to a person with low self worth who enjoys the attention of someone they don’t know, to feel better about themselves and feel desirable and attractive.

A considerable drive towards infidelity may be curiosity and those who married young or are sexually inexperienced so become curious about sex with others. Most frequently it’s not about seeking out sexual relations but given the right conditions, timing, mistakes can be made and may be undesirable.

A good example of this could be a man who is married but hears his single friend discussing his one night stands. So the married man wonders is he missing out on something more exciting than what he already has currently in his long-standing marriage.

The one night stand affair, may attract a particularly dangerous, and repetitive or “serial” affairs type of person. It is possible to turn into an Addiction Affair Type. A key problem to this issue of spontaneous sexual connection can result in bringing STDs back to their spouse too.

  • Not preplanned/pre-meditated
  • No emotional involvement
  • Affair length – one night
  • Single or one off sexual experience
  • Recovery Chance – Very good
  • Worse Case Scenario if not treated – Can turn into another type of affair.

2. INTIMACY & CONFLICT AVOIDANCE AFFAIR

There is a high possibility of this difficult and often complicated affair type working out if both people are willing to work on changing what’s going wrong in the relationship by open discussion.

Frequently, most affairs fall in this category of avoidance affairs. There are certain themes that come up in this type of affair and that is if we are being completely honest you may suggest that it’s about not having sex enough, or feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner because there feels there is always fighting or arguing.

According to the Infidelity Institute, that below the surface, is the truth that some people may not not to face or admit to themselves or others. In order, to be able to move forward through the pain of the betrayal the betrayed spouse and the unfaithful spouse is required to understand why the affair took place.

To heal through these types of affairs only a trained professional can assist in helping you to connect how your childhood experiences have impacted your adult behaviour. There is a suggestion that there are particular characteristics of Conflict Avoiders:

  • Conflict Avoiders are nice and are afraid to be anything but nice to people and fear conflict will lead to feelings of abandonment or losing control. They may not be aware of how to stand up to their partners, in order to resolve their differences and the marriage may begin to breakdown.
  • Lifeless or predictable relationships are often at risk.
  • Conflict resolution were not learnt early on and so now conflict is avoided at all costs due to fear of failure and losing the marriage. This may mean that an individual’s genuine feeling are not shared and anger or resentment can begin to build up. People who are Conflict Avoiders become resentful, angry or bitter and they can’t understand why.
  • The person that they have an affair with is someone that they can be themselves with, without fear of judgement.
  • The real fear, may be the childhood wound which is the fear that the spouse rejects or abandons them if they don’t speak up.

Intimacy Avoiders Traits include feels from childhood around shame, abuse, abandonment, neglect; or those who have major attachment style injuries. Savannah Ellis, IRI Found indicates that, “Conflict becomes a safe way to avoid intimacy and therefore, ultimately, rejection.

3. PHILANDERER AFFAIR (The Womanizer or Manizer)

According to the Infidelity Recovery Institute the Philanderer Affair (2018) is defined as the following:

  •     There is no emotional attachment to the affair partners – they are conquests.
  •     Require a steady change of sexual partners. Only then can they “commit to one partner”/wife
  •     Obsessed with gender – not gender equity
  •     Sexist attitudes – “women exist to serve men”
  •     Do not believe in Monogamy
  •     Seduction is a part of their game
  •     Humiliation does not come from the affair discovery, but from the change in the wife’s relationship power
  •     There is no guilt from the affairs
  •     They typically do not want a divorce – but for you to “fix” their spouse, so they can get back to Philandering
  •     Philandering is an addictive behavior. Change must begin with the desire to want to change.
  •     They will not be FORCED or CONTROLLED
  •     Insecure
  •     Many married Philanderers are also Bisexual, and lead a highly promiscuous sex life
  •     Highly Manipulative
  •     A Habitual Liar

Philanderer means “love” and a philanderer’s love never seems to stop. ie. “So many ladies, so little time…” This may be a motto of the typical philanderer, those womanizers that take on many brief affairs.

Philandering is mostly a male activity according to research. Someone who is a philanderer take up infidelity as a side hobby.

The person who is the betrayer may have a rigid, concrete concept of gender traits; they are patriarchal, while they may attractive women who confirm their masculinity. They may or may not women, and they definitely don’t seem them as equal, they see them as inferior.

They view women as dangerous, cunning, see through them and assess a man’s value, to measure him and find him wanting to determine whether he is man enough.

These men may or may not sex, but they use it compulsively to affirm their masculinity and overcome both their homophobia and their fear of women. They can be cruel, abusive, and even violent to women who try to get control of them and stop the philandering they consider crucial to their masculinity.

Their life is centered around displays of masculinity, however they define it, trying to impress women with their physical strength, competitive victories, seductive skills, mastery of all situations, power, wealth, and, if necessary, violence.

Some of them are quite charming and have no trouble finding women eager to be abused by them.

To men they may seem normal, but women experience them as narcissistic or even sociopathic. They think they are normal, that they are doing what every other real man would do if he weren’t such a wimp.

The notions of marital fidelity, of gender equality, of honesty and intimacy between husbands and wives seem quite foreign from what they learned growing up. The gender equality of monogamy may not feel compatible to men steeped in patriarchal beliefs in men being gods and women being ribs.

Monogamous sexuality is difficult for men who worship Madonnas for their sexlessness and berate Eves for their seductiveness.

Philanderers’ sexuality is fueled by anger and fear, and while they may be considered “sex addicts” they are really “gender compulsives” desperately doing whatever they think will make them look and feel most masculine. They put notches on their belts in hopes it will make their penises grow bigger. If they can get a woman to die for them, opera composer Giacomo Puccini did in real life and in most of his operas, they feel a real man.

Why Do Philanderer’s Do It?

Successful men often perceive that they are entitled to enjoy the fruits of their labor by taking advantage of the women who are enamored of them.

The common stereotype of the powerful man and the trophy woman is consistent with research findings across cultures and across time that men are attracted to beauty and youth, and women are attracted to power and resources.

These prominent men are captivated by opportunities for the conquest of beauty queens who scorned them when they were young, awkward, and starting their climb up the ladder.

Infidelity is a legacy carried down through the generations in families such as the Kennedys where the men are committed to family life but have affairs, and the women “stand by their men.”

Occupations which were prone to rampant infidelity as an industry standard before the advent of sexual harassment suits not only condoned extracurricular “fooling around” by married men but actually fostered “territorial amnesia” by providing women for hire at conventions.

I have heard a number of men try to diminish the impact of their infidelities by saying, “You shouldn’t be this upset. It didn’t mean a thing.

” When the wife asks how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, the common response is, “I’d kill you, but I know you’d never do anything that.

” They inherently recognize that a wife’s affair is usually more threatening to the stability of the marriage because of the greater lihood of an emotional involvement.

Many men and women in these situations are not willing to make such drastic changes, and if they did, they might be little basis left for the marriage.

Recovery and healing are possible if the philandering husband takes responsibility for his actions, is truthful about the full extent of his betrayal(s), is empathic about the pain he has caused, and is truly committed to a monogamous marriage. The motivation for change is often the destructive consequences of the behaviors or the pain caused to loved ones. Couples counseling is used to explore the causes, open the windows of honest communication, and rebuild the marriage.

To find out how we can help with an affair in your relationship, whether you are the betrayer or the betrayed, contact us now at admin@ovcs.ca

Author, A. (2018). Title of document [Format description]. Retrieved from https://infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com/affair-types/affair-type-3-philanderer-affair/

OVERVIEW Part 2

4. ENTITLEMENT AFFAIR (Rockstars and Royalty)

5. SPLIT SELF AFFAIR or Romantic Affair (They can’t choose between their lover and spouse.)

6. EXIT AFFAIR (Out-the-door Affairs are doomed.)

7. SEXUAL ADDICTION AFFAIR (Obsessed with having sex at any costs.)

SHARES

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Источник: https://www.orchardvalleycounselling.ca/affair-types/

What Are the Different Types of Affairs?

5 Common Types of Affairs

An affair has the power to make even a strong relationship crumble. 

If you are hopelessly in love with your partner, it isn’t easy to reason why your partner resorted to infidelity.

A love affair isn’t only when your partner physically cheats on you and sleeps with someone else. There are many types of affairs and forms of cheating in a relationship.

Read on to learn about these different types of affairs. Understanding these different types can help you identify if your partner is cheating on you and effectively deal with such challenges.

First of all – what is an affair?

A love affair is a situation in which one of the partners is betraying the relationship or marriage by having a sexual or emotional relationship with someone else.

When people cheat on their partners, it is not necessarily about sex. People resort to infidelity even when they see  emotional intimacy is lacking in their primary relationship.

Related Reading:Why Do People Cheat in Relationships?

What makes one have an affair?

Unhappiness in the relationship, whether it’s lack of respect from the other partner, or not feeling wanted, or when the sex needs not being met, people resort to infidelity. 

Also, when people are bored and the relationship is not fulfilling them emotionally or physically, and they go out looking for what’s missing. 

There are several different types of affairs, and they can all have the same devastating consequence on us and our relationships.

Understanding what the motive behind cheating is can be the key to healing the relationship.

Related Reading:Questions to Ask Yourself Before Cheating in a Relationship

13 types of affairs

Here are listed twelve different types of affairs. Learning about these affairs will help you identify the reasons behind infidelity in relationships.

Identifying the cause is essential. It is only then that you can decide if you wish to give your partner another chance. 

Also, you can get closure and begin the process of self-healing only when you know the real reason behind cheating.

1. Emotional affair

Partner has developed feelings for the other person but hasn’t been physically intimate. Many people think that cheating is not “real” unless you sleep with someone else, which is delusional. 

As per a study, 50% of female employees and 44% of male employees have confessed that they have developed feelings for some colleagues and have had a “work spouse” at some point in their career. 

An emotional affair implies that emotional needs in a relationship aren’t being met.

Related Reading:Why Are Emotional Affairs So Dangerous?

2. One-night stand

It wasn’t an accident. It doesn’t matter how drunk you were. If you consciously decided to go to bed with a person who’s not your partner, you are a cheater. 

It brings excitement, but it takes away trust and love from your relationship. It’s a sign you lack excitement in your marriage or relationship.

Also Try:Was It Just a One Night Stand Quiz

3.  Repeated sex affairs

If a man or a woman engages in multiple sex affairs for a longer period, they ly have a sexual addiction. 

A repeated sex affair maybe isn’t as pleasing to the cheating partner as it seems. It’s an addiction, and they probably don’t know how to stop this behavior.

Sexual addiction is a sign that their sexual needs are different from their partner’s, so they are looking for a way to satisfy their sexual hunger. It’s unhealthy, and they should seek professional therapists to help them deal with the addiction.

Related Reading:What Are The Causes of Sex Addiction

4. Romantic love affair

A romantic love affair is the first one that comes to mind when we say “Affair,” it usually happens very quickly and is a sign that the person is seeking excitement and is maybe not attracted to their partner. 

The person falls in love, and the emotions they are experiencing are so intense that they believe it’s a sign they should stay with the new person and abandon their relationship.

Related Reading: Most Common Causes of Infidelity in Relationships

5. Cyber affair

The modern age brings us endless possibilities of meeting new people online. Dating apps are being used by millions of people every day, and it’s only expected that cyber affairs became a thing.

A cyber affair means someone is texting the other person in a romantic or sexual way, sending photos or videos, and a cyber affair can lead to a one-night stand, romantic affair, and emotional infidelity.

All these different types of affairs undeniably indicate that something is not working between partners.

Related Reading:Be Mindful of Cyber Infidelity in Relationships

6. Revenge affair

Revenge affair is a common type of affair and results from a previous infidelity of a partner in a relationship. 

“If he cheated on me, I would cheat on him and hurt his feelings too” is the idea behind it. But, it is pointless!

Why doesn’t it work? 

It is because you’re doing it pure revenge, and you will shatter your self-respect, your confidence, and dignity by doing this. It has been found that such affairs don’t end well.

People who commit revenge affairs know it’s not going to bring empowerment or healing, yet their resentment is so strong, they still do it. 

Related Reading:Reasons Why Revenge Cheating is Not a Good Idea

7. Extramarital affairs

Being married usually means you have accepted your partner as the only sexual partner for the rest of your life (or until death sets you apart). 

Some people can get bored after a couple of years, and instead of finding a way to spice up their marriage, they have extramarital affairs thinking this will make them feel better, while the result is quite the opposite.

Related Reading:Reasons for Extramarital Sex

8. Double life affairs

Certain people are not satisfied by cheating with just one partner. Not only are they cheating, but they are cheating two people at the same time, convincing them they are the only ones. 

Disappointment is inevitable for one of them, but why in the world would you want to be on either side of this cheater? 

Whether you’re their spouse or the “real” partner, or you are someone they are cheating with, you’re in a losing game because even if they leave the other one and stay with you, chances are high they will cheat again.

Related Reading:Dealing with the Fear of Being Cheated on Again

9. Mind-body affair

Many experts consider this type of affair to be the most dangerous one. Why? Because it feels so complete! 

Two people feel connected emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and intellectually and this level of connectedness leads them to think about how they are meant for each other. 

Some believe in reincarnation and use this as a proof that this is meant to be.

Some claim that the mind-body affair is the most common affair that leads to divorce and remarriage. It also leaves mixed consequences, especially if children are involved.

Related Reading:Psychological Effects of a Cheating Spouse

10. Illicit affair

An illicit affair is one that’s illegal. It’s not approved; it’s unorthodox in many ways. 

For example, it can be with someone who is under legal age. It’s unlawful or immoral in some way.

It’s a red flag, and if this is your partner who’s involved in an illicit affair, you should seek professional help and possibly let the authorities know if it’s unlawful.

Related Reading:What Legally Constitutes Infidelity in a Marriage?

11. Affair with a married man

‘Daddy issue’ is real. If a woman has been neglected and her emotional needs were not met in her childhood, she is more ly to be attracted to older men or married men who are in most cases emotionally available. 

She knows this, and subconsciously, therefore, she chooses them. It’s a pattern and can be broken by seeking professional help who will guide her into accepting her past and changing how she sees herself. 

Affair with a married man leads nowhere and is only a weapon of self-destruction.

Related Reading:Things to Consider if You Are in Love With a Married Man

12. Sanctioned affair

Sanctioned affair is something that is gaining more popularity in our modern world as people are more open-minded. 

To be in a sanctioned affair means that you are having other partners with the permission of your spouse (or relationship partner). Why is this good? 

It gives you freedom of excitement and adventure, and both of you get to enjoy other people’s companies. 

However, it still means you’re not enough for each other, and that’s covering it up a little bit or putting patches and hoping marriage lasts forever.

Related Reading:How To Deal With A Cheating Spouse

13.  Fantasy affair

This is not really cheating, but it’s almost as if you’re having an affair with people subconsciously. 

Just with every other type of affair, it’s a sign something is not quite right. 

If you catch yourself thinking of other men or women or imagining sexual intercourse with them while having sex with your partner, it’s a clear sign you are not present in the moment, and you’re not happy with your partner.

Related Reading:How To Stop Having An Affair

Learning from affairs

It probably seems crazy thinking you can ‘learn’ something from these different types of affairs, but you can. 

All you have to do is reassess your relationship and see what you could do better in the future or when things start to go downhill. 

Find the root of the problem, and you’ll understand everything much, much better. How can you find the root? 

By speaking up and being open!

You can also seek individual or couple counseling to get to the root of your issues. 

A love affair is not the end of the relationship.

If one of you cheated, it doesn’t mean it’s over. If both parties are ready to change and to open up about how they truly feel, then your relationship or marriage can heal. 

If you feel it was just the drop that filled the glass, it was only a symptom of a long-term disease and problems you two have been experiencing over a longer time.

Related Reading:Stages of Getting Over an Affair

Wrapping up

Whatever the case, affairs do mark the end of your life or happiness. Maybe you’ll heal and continue together. 

Or maybe you’ll forgive and let go, and make space for welcoming new people after some time, someone who will respect you and who will find a way to solve things between you before things escalate to having affairs.

Also Watch:

Источник: https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/types-of-affairs/

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