- 5 Essentials to Having a Healthy Relationship
- 1. Communication
- 2. Respect
- 3. Boundaries
- 4. Trust
- 5. Support
- What isn’t healthy?
- 13 proven ways to maintain a healthy relationship with Tony
- 15 Essential Qualities Of Relationships That Last
- 1. You respect each other.
- 2. You're vulnerable with each other.
- 3. You have total trust in each other.
- 4. You both maintain unwavering honesty.
- 5. There's mutual empathy.
- 6. You both prioritize kindness.
- 7. You respect each other's boundaries.
- 8. You're both totally committed.
- 9. You're both thoughtful.
- 10. You can forgive each other.
- 11. You're gentle with each other.
- 12. There's a lot of affection.
- 13. You consistently appreciate each other.
- 14. You both feel validated by the other.
- 5 essentials for a healthy relationship
- 1: Open communication
- 2: Listening and feeling heard
- 3: Working through disagreements
- 4: Mutual intimacy
- 5: Trust
- Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships
- Responsibility & Accountability
- Non-threatening behavior
- Lack of Communication
- Constant fighting
- Controlling behavior
5 Essentials to Having a Healthy Relationship
Here at One Love, we are dedicated to helping everyone understand the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship.
Healthy relationships feel good and bring you up while unhealthy ones don’t feel great and can sometimes make you unhappy.
While much of our #ThatsNotLove content focuses on defining unhealthy behaviors, we also want to show you what healthy relationships are all about.
Everyone deserves to be in a healthy, loving relationship and with the right person by your side, a healthy relationship is completely attainable. If you want to be that #relationshipgoals couple, here are 5 essentials for having a healthy relationship.
You’ve definitely heard the very cliché “communication is key.” But here’s the thing – it’s a cliché for a reason. Good communication is one of the most important aspects to having a healthy relationship. When starting a new relationship, it’s important to be able to talk about what you both want and expect.
Sometimes this means being honest and having uncomfortable conversations, but if you’re in a healthy relationship your partner will be receptive and listen (and you should do the same).
Being on the same page as your partner goes a long way and opening up to your partner about what’s bothering you, compromising over your disagreements and complimenting each other are all equally as important. While communication is important, you should both be comfortable with how often you talk to one another.
If your partner needs you to always answer right away and text them all day long, and you don’t want that, that’s not healthy. On the flip side, if your partner is always ignoring your texts and it doesn’t make you feel good, then that’s not healthy either. Finding a communication balance that you’re both comfortable with is super important.
Listening to your partner ( actually listening, not just waiting to speak) and trying to understand their perspective is a key way to show respect in your relationship. Even if you disagree on the next POTUS or if you’re Team Kimye and they’re Team Taylor, respect your partner’s choices and opinions.
Don’t try to persuade them to change their mind about things that are important to them, going abroad for a semester or where they want to live post-graduation. In a healthy relationship, both partners will have mutual respect for one another.
Just because you don’t always see eye to eye, it doesn’t mean that one person needs to change their mind in order for your relationship to work. Another key way to establish respect in a relationship is to be considerate of your partner’s privacy and boundaries.
You are not entitled to know everything that your partner does and everyone who they interact with. It also means being mindful of your partner’s feelings and not doing things that might really hurt them, keeping things that are supposed to be private just between you two.
Having a healthy relationship isn’t defined by knowing each other’s passcodes and getting the pink heart emoji next to their name in Snapchat. While it’s cool if you share those things, healthy relationships require some space and a filter!
We all have personal boundaries on what makes us feel good, comfortable, safe, etc. In a healthy relationship, you should feel 100% comfortable communicating those boundaries and know that they will be respected (and vice versa for your partner).
If you only want to hang out 3 times a week – that’s fine; if you want to wait before getting intimate – totally cool; if you want to keep your Monday Funday night with the biffles – do it! Remember that you shouldn’t feel nervous or scared to set personal boundaries in any relationship.
And if you feel your partner or friend is using boundaries to control you, telling you not to hang out with friends or requiring you to share passwords, it’s time to rethink the relationship!
This is a big one. All healthy relationships require mutual and unguarded trust between partners. Regardless of what either partner has experienced in the past, a cheating ex or a parent’s divorce, in a healthy relationship your partner will trust you completely.
DO remember that it takes time to build trust in a relationship (it usually doesn’t come right off the bat!) and that when your partner fully trusts you with their feelings, you should respect them and not betray their trust. Cheating on them or doing things to make them jealous isn’t right.
On the flip side, if you don’t trust your partner then you shouldn’t be with them. DON’T ever let your partner use their lack of trust or past experiences as an excuse to control you, question you or otherwise make you feel as though you need to go your to way earn their trust.
Steadfast affection, support, respect, and communication will naturally strengthen the trust in your relationship.
One of the best things about being in a healthy relationship is having a supportive partner who you know has your back.
Whether it’s sticking up for you when someone says something mean about you, or always being that rock you can rely on, in a healthy relationship you and your partner will support each other and treat each other as equals.
Your partner won’t use tactics to manipulate you, control you or put you down. They will be protective of you, but not overly possessive. They will encourage you to spend time with friends and family, work toward your personal goals and have a life outside of your relationship.
Supportive partners will always want what’s best for you, and they won’t hold you back from achieving your dreams. In a healthy relationship, you’ll feel yourself and not you have to change things or make huge sacrifices so that the relationship can thrive.
What isn’t healthy?
Ultimately, an unhealthy relationship is power and control, not love and respect. If you feel your partner is using tactics to control you, then that is a big red flag and you should talk to someone that can help.
Your partner doesn’t have to physically harm you for your relationship to be abusive. If your relationship is great most of the time, but unhealthy sometimes, that’s not good enough. Everyone deserves to be in a healthy relationship and there is never an excuse for abuse.
Even if there is a history of mental illness, cheating or other hardships either in or outside of your current relationship, those are not excuses for abusive behavior. It’s also crucial to know that you can’t change your partner.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you should seek help — don’t wait for your partner to change.
For more examples of healthy vs. unhealthy relationship behaviors, check out the Couplets chapter of our #ThatsNotLove campaign.
13 proven ways to maintain a healthy relationship with Tony
Home » Relationship Guide » Creating the healthy relationship you deserve
Are you in a healthy relationship? Are you looking for the right things in a partner – and would you know if you found them? Many people spend so much time looking for that “spark” or that feeling that they’ve found “the one” that they forget to examine whether the relationship is good for them. You must take a step back and learn how to have a healthy relationship before you can find true fulfillment and happiness with another person.
When you start thinking about how to have a healthy relationship, don’t immediately zero in on what the other person is or what they do for you. Instead, focus on the relationship itself and what the interplay between the two of you looks .
Which special characteristics does this relationship have? What brings you and your partner together? Close your eyes and imagine how happy you and your partner make each other. Envision feeling completely fulfilled and loved by another person.
How does that feel? More importantly, why does it feel that way?
Ask yourself what it is that makes this potential relationship so extraordinary. Can you put it into words? You might not immediately be able to say what makes it feel so special, but it probably has many – if not all – of the characteristics of healthy relationships.
Want to learn how to maintain a healthy relationship?
Relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all. There are many qualities and factors behind the emotions and actions that make up healthy relationships.
Yet no matter who you love, how you met or the history you have together, healthy relationships do have certain core traits.
A healthy relationship is one in which you feel valued, trusted and respected – period. Ask yourself if your relationship has these qualities:
Communicating with your partner sounds easy, but it means more than just talking about your day. Real communication leads to an emotional connection you can’t get anywhere else.
This is an essential part of communication. Healthy relationships involve two people who are completely honest about how they feel and what they’re thinking – with themselves and each other.
When you’re open and honest in a relationship, vulnerability naturally follows. If you don’t trust your partner to support you no matter what, you’re not in a healthy relationship.
If you’re not growing, you’re dying – and that includes your relationships. When you commit to constant and never-ending improvement, you’ll take your romance to levels you never thought possible.
Intimacy is more than sex. It’s cuddling in bed on Sundays or holding hands on a walk. It’s emotional closeness and trust. And it’s ultimately what separates romance from friendship.
All truly extraordinary love affairs share one thing: they are the result of total commitment. They aren’t always easy, but they are always worth it.
It would be ideal if we were all able to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship. The truth is that it can be hard to let go of someone we love. We focus on the good and refuse to see what’s often obvious to everyone else: the relationship is unhealthy. If you’re wondering, “What is a healthy relationship?,” it may be time to look for these red flags:
- Criticism: There’s a difference between honesty and criticism. When your partner is being honest, you’ll still feel respected and valued because their feedback is constructive. Criticism is often about small things, your clothes or favorite pastimes, and makes you feel belittled.
- Controlling behavior: If your partner pressures you to change your appearance, quit activities you love or stop seeing friends or family, those are big red flags. Pushing you to share every thought or detail of your day or always needing to be with you are more subtle signs of controlling behavior.
- Distance: Healthy relationships are both emotionally and physically close. If you or your partner is no longer interested in intimacy or one of you is holding back your thoughts and feelings, it’s time to rekindle the passion.
- Lack of conflict resolution: Sometimes it’s best to defuse arguments over minor things. But if you’re always burying conflict – or constantly arguing without seeing any improvement – your communication skills may be lacking.
Certain relationship red flags, physical or emotional abuse, are always signs that you must leave the relationship immediately. Otherwise, healthy relationships can often be rekindled with the commitment and dedication of both partners.
You can work on building fundamental relationship skills, whether you’ve been in a relationship for a week or a decade.
Developing positive habits and patterns to create and maintain an extraordinary relationship requires conscious application and repetition of good behavior and communication.
Once these habits have been established between you and your partner, the beautiful, passionate and healthy relationship you deserve will follow and endure.
Have you ever heard the expression “ attracts ”? This is the law of attraction – the idea that we attract the things that we focus on and surround ourselves with – and it applies to relationships and to life. If you embrace positive thinking, live with passion and are kind and accepting of yourself and others, you’ll attract people who do the same.
Learning self-love isn’t always easy. You’ll need to identify and overcome your limiting beliefs and rewrite your story to give you strength and confidence. But if you’re wondering how to have a healthy relationship, it’s a vital first step.
You must hold yourself to high standards if you want a healthy relationship.
If your expectations are low and you’re not putting in the effort to grow with your partner, the result will be a stale and deteriorating relationship.
What is it that you truly want from your relationship? What are the standards you’d hold for your dream partner? What do you expect from your partner, physically and emotionally?
Whatever it is, that’s the bar that you must hold for yourself as well. You are an active participant in this relationship; the way you want them to show up for you is the way you must show up for them.
What is a healthy relationship? It’s two people making each other’s needs their own. The more you do this, the more fulfilling the relationship becomes. What are your partner’s core needs? Comfort? Security? Significance? How do they want these needs met? Through touch, words or something else?
Cultivate the skill of heartfelt understanding. Going beyond just knowing what your partner needs at an intellectual level, this means connecting at a deeper emotional level and empathetically standing in their shoes. Is your partner your number one priority? What would you give for the love of your life? At the same time, are you feeling personally fulfilled by the relationship?
Healthy relationships depend on effective communication. You don’t need to be a mind reader to know what your partner wants – odds are they’ve told you. Communicating in a healthy relationship means listening. Remember, it’s not about you – it’s about what you can do for the person you love.
Once you know what your needs are, and your partner’s, you can actively work to make sure they’re being met. What would you do for the love of your life? Anything, right? Meeting your significant other’s core needs will take you to profound levels of happiness, love, passion and trust.
What if the road ahead is tough and full of challenges? As Tony says, “Every problem is a gift, without problems we would not grow.” Problems, obstacles and misalignments are opportunities to push forward and grow together with your partner.
Lack of growth is better known as stagnation, which can lead to deterioration when it comes to a relationship. Growth is a product of uncertainty and an act of pushing into uncharted territory. Sometimes discomfort is a good thing, so don’t let fear hold your relationship – or you – back.
You don’t need to ignore or play down the differences between you and your partner. On the contrary, appreciating your differences is essential to maintaining a sense of excitement in the relationship.
Those little differences are what awakened your interest in each other in the first place, and this is something that you must always keep close to your hearts and minds.
Appreciate each other and you will not only appreciate the life you have created together – you’ll revel in it.
Trust is the foundation of all productive and healthy relationships. From trust springs respect, and both are necessary for sharing, interaction and growth. And it’s during times of stress and uncertainty, when your mutual commitment can be subject to doubt, that you truly discover how much – or how little – you trust one another.
Can your partner trust you to be there for them, even when you’re stressed or uncertain? Can your partner trust you to be honest and clear with them, even when you feel what you have to say might wound them? Do they trust that you will meet their needs?
When thinking about how to have a healthy relationship, honesty is key – including being honest with yourself. Being true to – and confident in – yourself is a vital element in forward-looking conflict resolution in your relationship.
It’s important to be honest and courageous when you face disappointment, pain and surprise. The most passionate romances have moments of sadness. Don’t avoid conflicts when they come.
Face them honestly and fearlessly, knowing that you and your partner are up to any challenge.
Intimacy isn’t just physical, and it isn’t always about “big moments.” Real intimacy is about the smaller everyday moments. It’s sitting next to one another on the couch watching your favorite movie for the tenth time. It’s making your partner’s favorite meal without them asking you to.
If you find yourself struggling in your efforts to connect, keep pushing. Discovering how to keep a healthy relationship means keeping the spark alive – but it takes work. Learn to communicate your thoughts and emotions in the moment so you can address these issues and avoid seeding resentment that will otherwise emerge later in the relationship.
Polarity is the attraction between opposite energies. Masculine energy is about commitment, certainty and purpose, whereas feminine energy is associated with vulnerability, spontaneity and provocative play. Healthy relationships, no matter the physical genders of the partners, need to have a partner with masculine energy and one with feminine energy.
To achieve lasting passion with your partner, you need to explore your polarity. It was this polarity that attracted you to each other, and it is this powerful interplay that can maintain passion between you. Discover your leading energy by taking our polarity assessment and reconnect with yourself and your partner today.
Differences in energy aren’t the only kind. Even healthy relationships can encounter disagreements about values and long-term goals. A successful relationship will use these difficult situations as a chance to re-align and grow, instead of using them as an excuse to break down.
What are your values and goals, or outcomes? Are the communication patterns and goals of your partner compatible with your own? Misalignments in these areas can produce friction, but they are also opportunities to evolve the relationship to a new level of passion, intimacy and connection.
If you plan to travel the swerving, obstacle-ridden road toward a healthy relationship, you need to be clear to yourself about the outcome you want; once you achieve clarity and commitment, you have focus. Where focus goes, energy flows. Will you focus on the negatives, or will you put your energy toward solutions?
Choose to focus on solutions, and you’ll be able to work through issues and celebrate the ways your differences enrich your life together. You’ll begin seeing your differences not as a problem or source of pain, but as a source of pleasure and excitement.
You’ve worked on how to have a healthy relationship and reached a satisfied place. Now you move forward, leading by example and always nurturing a healthy, loving connection.
You always have choices, no matter what life throws your way. You can experience pain and suffering and punish yourself and your partner with it, or you can take what comes, process it, learn from the experience and figure out how to apply that lesson to your life.
So what is a healthy relationship? The bottom line is that a healthy relationship is something you must nurture and maintain, no matter how long you and your partner are together. Remember what Tony says: “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.
” Experiment, add variation and create a healthy relationship filled with energy and passion – and remember to have fun!
Back to the Ultimate Relationship Guide.
Download Tony Robbins’ Ultimate Relationship Guide today to learn the 9 keys to passion and intimacy.
15 Essential Qualities Of Relationships That Last
Last updated on June 30, 2020
A healthy relationship is one that adds to both people's overall well-being, fueled by communication, respect, and boundaries.
For a relationship to be healthy, it requires more than just shared interests and strong feelings for each other.
It requires two people who truly understand and care for each other, while also caring for themselves. Here are the most important characteristics of a healthy relationship:
1. You respect each other.
Respect is one of the most important characteristics of a healthy relationship. Once the chase is over, some people can forget about tending to their partner's feelings and needs.
In lasting, healthy relationships, partners value each other and take care with their words, actions, and behaviors. If you want to be with that person each day, make them feel that way.
wise, you should receive this care from your partner day in and day out.
2. You're vulnerable with each other.
Good communication is a necessary quality of a healthy relationship. If you're not willing to share what's going on with you or what you need from your partner, you're not going to get what you need.
Yet people— shame or a habit built over a lifetime of bottling up our feelings—don't want to let anyone else in on what's going on with us.
If you can trust your partner enough to share your feelings, you're more ly to find yourself in a safe relationship that lasts.
3. You have total trust in each other.
Healthy relationships require trust. You have to be willing to trust your partner not only with your feelings but with your weaknesses. You will have to learn trust at the emotional, physical, and spiritual level. Trust takes practice and is earned one step at a time. Even when trust is broken, you can find a way to repair a breach in trust if you're willing to work on it.
4. You both maintain unwavering honesty.
In a healthy relationship, you have to be willing to share what's going on, no matter how ugly. You can't hide behind lies and deception if you want your relationship to last.
If you can't believe your partner when they tell you something, or if your partner is hiding things from you, it's going to be hard for you to feel safe. Honesty helps foster trust and a belief in each other, which is crucial to making it over the long haul.
(Here's what open and honest communication in a relationship looks .)
5. There's mutual empathy.
Another key quality of a healthy relationship is empathy. Empathy means trying to understand what your partner is feeling.
It isn't about trying to fix your partner's concerns and problems, necessarily, but about being able to be there for them.
If you can pay more attention to what's going on with your partner and strive to see things through their eyes, you will find yourself getting closer over time rather than more distant.
6. You both prioritize kindness.
Do all the things for your partner that you would do for your best friend. Try to anticipate their needs. Think about what they need help with and try to be there for them. Cut out the behavior that gets on their nerves, and find ways to uplift your partner. Thoughtfulness, consideration, and kindness is the recipe for healthy relationships.
7. You respect each other's boundaries.
It's important not to forget that you're two separate people with separate needs, including some needs that you may not share. You will not agree on everything, and sometimes you may not want the same things.
It's important to respect these differences and not push each other's boundaries, including emotional boundaries, physical boundaries, and any other types of boundaries.
Boundaries are a necessary characteristic of a healthy relationship.
8. You're both totally committed.
You have to be committed to your partner, yes. But more than commitment to your partner, you have to be committed to the relationship.
If you think about the health and future of the relationship instead of just your own, you're ly to take more constructive actions and behave differently. It's not just about getting your needs met.
It's about replenishing the fire so your relationship can last. That's what a healthy relationship is all about.
9. You're both thoughtful.
Thoughtfulness is a characteristic of a healthy relationship that often gets overlooked because it can be hard to articulate. Essentially, thoughtfulness means keeping your partner in mind and striving to do things that will make their lives better.
It's knowing their preferences, opinions, and quirks so you're able to dance with them, not fight them with. The better you know your partner, the more you can practice thoughtfulness.
What can you do today to help them or improve their lives? What can you do today to make your partner's day?
10. You can forgive each other.
Any partner will have qualities, characteristics, and behaviors that push your buttons. To make your relationship last, you have to accept your partner unconditionally—quirks, behavior, flaws, and all.
wise, you will sometimes feel hurt throughout a relationship because we're all humans who make mistakes. The key is to forgive quickly, let go of grudges, and start over each day.
Yes, this is easier said than done, but forgiveness is crucial to the long-term health of the relationship. You have to let go of trespasses and also be willing to ask for forgiveness.
Forgiveness takes courage, vulnerability, and practice.
Of course, forgiveness doesn't mean being a pushover or accepting mistreatment from your partner. There are many signs of an abusive relationship that aren't physical to be aware of.
In a healthy relationship, you first you make the commitment to accept them completely. Then, you speak up and say what it is that's bothering you.
If hurtful actions continue, it may be a sign you should break up.
11. You're gentle with each other.
Gentleness comes through in thoughts, words, actions, and your general state of being. It's understanding and accepting your partner completely and treating them delicately. It's not yelling, not name-calling, and not being verbally or emotionally harsh with each other.
Gentleness is treating your partner in a respectful, kind, and compassionate way. It's recognizing your soulful connection and appreciating their inherent humanness.
12. There's a lot of affection.
After some time in relationships, we often forget to show love and affection toward our partners. But affection is a key quality of a healthy relationship. It's the stuff that make relationships great.
Affection can be as simple as touching, holding, or kissing your partner for no reason at all. It's a warm embrace, a light touch, a loving word, or any other small way you can show your partner that you love them.
To be most affectionate, you have to know how your partner receives love best and do more of that.
Is it a loving word, a thoughtful gesture, help around the house, or doing something special for them? The better you know what your partner enjoys, the more affectionate you can be.
The love languages quiz can help you figure out how you and your partner can most effectively show your love to each other.
13. You consistently appreciate each other.
Gratitude is another key quality of a healthy relationship. We all take our partners for granted sometimes.
If you can regularly remind yourself how lucky you are and how valuable your partner is, and tell them so, you will boost the happiness and longevity of your relationship.
Partners who stay together appreciate each other and compliment each other. Recognize what your partner is doing, and let them know that you're thankful for it.
14. You both feel validated by the other.
Most of the time, people don't really understand us. Everyone has different opinions, and needing to always be right can negatively affect your relationship. Validating your partner shows them that you're on their side.
When you understand and accept what they say, they feel fully seen, heard, and accepted. It's acknowledging what your partner is saying to you and showing them that you get them—you understand what they're saying and experiencing. When you validate, you accept.
And when you accept, you show unconditional love, which is ultimately what keeps people and relationships together in the long run.
Now that you know the characteristics, here are some tips on how to have a healthy relationship.
5 essentials for a healthy relationship
Whether you’ve been in a relationship before or this is your first, here are a few things that are essential for a healthy relationship.
1: Open communication
One hallmark of a healthy relationship is the ability to communicate openly. Significant others should be able to talk about how they’re feeling and empathize with one another.
If it’s difficult to share true feelings with the other person, it may mean more trust needs to be built. Holding back feelings could mean that we aren’t sure how the other person will respond or we’re afraid of being judged. Oftentimes, especially in a new relationship, it means we’re still learning how to communicate effectively with one another.
However, communication can become unhealthy when one partner in the relationship feels the need to influence the other person’s thoughts or behavior. In this situation, it can be helpful to set boundaries. Expressing your needs and naming your limits are just two examples of healthy boundary-setting, and a healthy relationship is one where boundaries are honored.
2: Listening and feeling heard
Having someone listen to us and feeling heard is important. In a healthy relationship, both people should feel relatively comfortable bringing up issues, expressing themselves and listening to one another. While not every conversation is going to be easy, both partners should feel that they will be heard.
When a person’s feelings or needs are ignored or not respected, the relationship can suffer. It’s important for both partners to make space for the other person. Compromise and ongoing communication are key in respecting each other’s feelings, needs and values. But compromise should not always be one way.
If one partner actively disrespects, ignores or demeans the other, this is abusive. Partners who behave this way may also treat someone’s ideas or feelings with contempt. CU’s Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) offers free and confidential support for students who may be experiencing these types of behaviors in their relationship.
3: Working through disagreements
Disagreements and conflict are normal in any relationship. It’s common to have different preferences, beliefs and values from our significant other.
In some cases, conflict can be a sign that something needs to change within a relationship. Many times, couples who ignore or avoid conflict risk facing increased tensions and unmet needs.
However, the way couples respond to conflict is more important than the conflict itself.
Working through a disagreement in a healthy way by talking respectfully and listening to understand each other is an important component of any relationship, whether it’s with a friend, family member or significant other. We can’t assume that someone can see an issue from our point of view.
If disagreements turn into fights more often than not, it may be time to evaluate how you’re communicating with one another. Try using “I” statements to soften language and use assertive communication.
For example, “I would you to stop doing that,” is a healthier way to say “you need to stop doing that.
” You can download a free PDF for examples of active listening and “I” statements from Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution (SCCR).
If conflict escalates and feels difficult to resolve, it can sometimes cause us to fear disagreeing with our partners because it may trigger a partner’s anger, abuse or violence.
Partners may resort to belittling the other person during disagreements. These are all signs that it may be time to reach out for support.
OVA provides confidential support and resources for students who may be experiencing these types of behavior in their relationship.
4: Mutual intimacy
Healthy romantic relationships allow space and mutual respect for intimacy and connection.
Partners are able to establish healthy boundaries and talk openly about emotional and physical desires and what that looks in their relationship.
This includes talking about sex, such as what you want and don’t want and what feels good (or doesn’t). This requires attention and ongoing communication in healthy relationships.
If one or both partners feels embarrassed or unwilling to say how they feel because they’re worried their partner may not listen or care, it can make intimacy more stressful than enjoyable.
If one partner’s needs and wants are ignored or if they are pushed into situations that are upsetting or unwanted, this is a sign of abusive behavior.
OVA provides free and confidential support and resources for students who may be experiencing these types of behaviors in their relationship.
It’s important to maintain relationships outside of our romantic relationships in order to have a strong support system. In healthy relationships, significant others trust one another. Trust is about knowing that someone will do what they say. It also can mean that each person in the relationship feels free to spend time with other people in their life friends and family.
A relationship can become unhealthy when one person feels jealous every time their partner talks to or spends time with other people in their life.
If one partner is accusing the other of flirting constantly or tells their partner not to talk to or interact with another person in their life, these may be signs of abusive behaviors and mistrust.
These types of behavior can lead to feelings of isolation and symptoms of depression or anxiety.
OVA provides free and confidential support and resources for students who may be experiencing these types of behavior in their relationship.
If you or someone you know is currently experiencing unhealthy or abusive behaviors from a significant other or family member, there are resources that can help.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships
What is a healthy relationship?
While all relationships are different, there are a few key aspects of healthy relationships:
- Should be equality, respect and trust.
- Shouldn’t be any imbalance in the relationship.
- Should work to address any imbalances in the relationship.
No relationship is perfect and there are always things that you can work on. Indeed some of these things take time to establish, such as good communication. However, you should always feel safe in a relationship and feel that you are equal with your partner and you both respect each other. This also applies in relationships with family and friends.
You and your partner, family or friends should view each other as equals.
Includes respecting human beings as unique individuals to include: respect of dignity and seeing value in each other.
You should feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, ideas and feelings. You should be able to agree to disagree in a constructive way.
Being able to trust others is key to a healthy relationship. Trust is established over the course of a relationship through showing consistency in words and actions.
Responsibility & Accountability
- Being responsible and accountable to others.
- Not placing blame on others and owning up to mistakes.
- Doesn’t mean having to constantly check in or report to the other person.
- Encourage others to grow separately and together.
- Have enthusiasm for your dreams and goals and for those in your circle.
- Be supportive in good and difficult times.
Honesty is important in a healthy relationship. You can’t build a good foundation on lies.
Boundaries should be respected at all times.
- Establishing what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with.
- Includes personal/physical boundaries and being able to say no.
- Includes giving consent.
Maintaining your own friends and separate interests can be a form of having boundaries.
You should always feel safe in your relationship. You should never have to worry that your partner is going to intentionally harm you. Neither partner should try to maintain power and control over the other. (Concept includes friends and family)
Lack of Communication
Without communication there is not foundations to build a healthy relationship.
- Unable to talk about difficult topics.
- There are a lot of misunderstandings that never to get worked out.
- Engaging in arguments versus discussion.
Continual and repeated dishonesty is not a good foundation for any relationship.
Disrespect includes name calling, breaking boundaries, and constantly questioning and criticizing the other person’s choices and decisions.
Every person deserves a certain level of independence. If someone is dependent on someone financially, emotionally, or psychologically that could indicate an unhealthy relationship.
Jealousy becomes unhealthy when its constant or excessive and becomes about one partner possessing the other.
Manipulation can take many forms to include: mind games, convincing a partner to ignore their wants/desires/needs and using guilt to manipulate others.
Using criticism to tear the other person down could be a form of emotional abuse.
Isolation is an often used tactic by abusers to make the victims/survivor dependent on them by cutting off their ties to support networks, thus increasing their power and control in the relationship.
While all relationships will have some conflict in them, if you are constantly fighting, this could be a bad sign. You shouldn’t have to feel combative when you’re with your partner, family or friends.
Domestic violence is about power and control. Behavior includes controlling where others go, see and do. Other examples include demanding social medial passwords, checking text messages, and using intimidation or coercion to get their way. Emotional, verbal and physical abuse is also a form of control.